[Literature] A Mirror; Draft 1

Zargoltir

Member
Member
Req told me to post this here.
So I did.

It's a poem I've recently finished. It's intended as a spoken word poem.

Let me know what you think, etc. :D

---

A mirror is a thing that reflects light back at an object in an almost perfect replication of the things it can see,
It is a sheet of glass spluttered with aluminium powder to create an image that is identical to what it sees.
It shows what you are and nothing more;
Whether you look like a princess or toad, a prince or jester.
It shows just who you are, and sometimes that’s better.
And don't let me goad you into looking for something that could, quite possibly, not exist,
Because all you will find is what’s on the surface
It sees every blemish and spot, scratch and dimple, every recess and pimple.
But yet, worse still every scar and mistake. You see,
Society tells us that to be great we have to be something we're not; to look different and dress according to what others perceive as hot.

But… do you dress that way?
Do you look how they say?
Do you put on a scarf even though its summer just because it’s fashionable to wear knitted attire?
No?
Okay. Well, why don't you look into a mirror and see for yourself,
Because a mirror is how others perceive yourself.

The crystalline reflections are refractions of your soul. And after all,
Do you want to be what the mirror sees and hide who you are behind lies and lines of false truths,
Putting on that mask of mascara and foundation
Just because that one person once said your dimples looked odd?
But you know, you are a beautiful creation
And just because your eyes light up like a supernova when you talk about the
Pearls of dew perched on the tiny blades grass in the early hours of the morning,
Does not mean your thoughts aren't worth talking about.
And you know what gets me? What really hurts me the most?
Is that when you stop, the stars in your eyes fade to nothingness and you say with your sweet shy style,
'Sorry. I must be boring you', and I’m not thinking ‘please stop’.
No. I'm thinking ‘don't you dare’.
Because that means somebody in your life once said three words that formed this mask you wear.

They said;
I don't care.

And just like that everything you was became a was not,
Everything you are became an are not,
And from point A to B became a distinct blur
Of don't look at me
And see,
Sticks and stones do break bones,
But I find words can change you,
They bend and warp like a contortion of what people want you to be
And,
Whether you like it or not,
Through that dark grey sea you will forever be reminded that somewhere, some when,
Someone once said that the way you laugh was too loud.
The way
You laugh,
As if they had a remote control on your life and you were their T.V.;
Turning the volume down until the little green lines became fewer and fewer and
You could not hear what the news anchor was saying,
And he was saying it all
From breaking news to celebrity gossip,
He was invested and interested with nobody saying stop
Because at the top, that's what happens.
He wasn’t judged. Just left be.

And at the bottom?

Well, look in a mirror and see.
Because a mirror is how others perceive.
And isn't that important, the most important of all?
That to others you don't look like a fool and no
I won't be a liar and beat around the bush
And I'm not going to tell anyone to shush and be quiet,
But those that say you need to go on a diet,
Need to, quite frankly, stop.
The scars won't fade.
And the spots might stay.
The blemishes may never be gone,
But don't ever think that this means you're wrong.

You. Are not. Wrong.

How you look is how you are, whatever you see, whoever you be; that's fine. It's good.
It's better than good. It's you.

Now turn around, and look. Look deeper.
A mirror is not only how others perceive.
But it's you, yourself. It's what you see.
 

Zargoltir

Member
Member
inb4 fanfic

finally some not shitty writing around here

That was really good. Req is right, you should post more of your poetry if you have any.
bahaha. I don't really write poetry a lot. I'm more of a half-arsed story kind of guy. But thank you!

I only tend to write poetry on a whim, but this is actually one piece I've stuck with until the very end.
I don't know enough about this stuff to give some critique, but I liked it.
Well, still, I'm glad you liked it.
 

Requiem

Well-Known Member
Member
Pretty good shit. Only thing I can say is perhaps change up the clichéd language (morning dew drops and what not) to more personal language that fits the people in the poem. Get specific with it, don't be broad, because specificity makes it more personal to the reader whereas broadness just makes it more relatable, in a way that can still be achieved with the specific way of writing it.

I'm glad you mentioned it was a spoken word poem. Everything works when you mention that. You should record yourself reading the poem, do a few takes, then upload it to YouTube. Spoken word poems are hot shit on YouTube. Maybe they won't give you a ton of views, but you'll find an audience, I feel. Not that you're looking for one, but I still think doing a recording of this poem would be the best way to see it to completion. I really enjoyed it for what it was.

@coolpool2 - I've taken a few creative writing classes, close to finishing my creative writing minor, but I'm no expert. Most of that stuff I wrote just now, I'm basically faking it. That doesn't mean I haven't been taught or don't know what I'm talking about because I do, but creative writing is in this strange space where you don't really have to "know" what you're talking about to get involved. Just mention some things that you'd change or do differently. Mention specific things you liked. Talking about the structure of the poem, the way it sounded as you read it. There's lots of stuff you can hit on, so don't worry about having the credentials. Just find specific stuff and go for it. Let the writer have it because it's great to get critiques from all people, "experienced" or not.
 
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Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
And you know what gets me? What really hurts me the most?
Is that when you stop, the stars in your eyes fade to nothingness and you say with your sweet shy style,
'Sorry. I must be boring you', and I’m not thinking ‘please stop’.
No. I'm thinking ‘don't you dare’.
Because that means somebody in your life once said three words that formed this mask you wear.

They said;
I don't care.
DAMN, Daniel!
 

Zargoltir

Member
Member
DAMN, Daniel!
My name isn't Daniel, YA JERK!
Pretty good shit. Only thing I can say is perhaps change up the clichéd language (morning dew drops and what not) to more personal language that fits the people in the poem. Get specific with it, don't be broad, because specificity makes it more personal to the reader whereas broadness just makes it more relatable, in a way that can still be achieved with the specific way of writing it.

I'm glad you mentioned it was a spoken word poem. Everything works when you mention that. You should record yourself reading the poem, do a few takes, then upload it to YouTube. Spoken word poems are hot shit on YouTube. Maybe they won't give you a ton of views, but you'll find an audience, I feel. Not that you're looking for one, but I still think doing a recording of this poem would be the best way to see it to completion. I really enjoyed it for what it was.
Yeah. I don't think I'll record it. I haven't the most dramatic voice in the world. It was actually intended for a YouTuber, though. He wanted to do a spoken word poem so I said I'll write one.

And yeah, I was toying with making it personal (favourite books, etc). But idk, the pearls of dew kind of took over. I'll give it a whizz and see how it flows when the language is more personal. Thanks for the input!
 
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