A Very Teal Christmas

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
Chapter 15


"I can't believe Fuse is getting a present," grumbled Regis. He towed Tirin and the car towards a glowing green castle far outside the forum borders. The banishment zone, to be precise.

"It's probably just coal," said Tirin. "Fuse is a fuckin' jag and everyone knows it."

Thy drew closer to Fuse's castle, located in a desert wasteland. The green palace was large and spiky.

"I don't see a safe place to land," said Regis. "Should I land a ways back from it?"

"Nah, we don't have enough time. Just fly right over it and circle back in a few minutes."

"Will you be able to teleport right back into the flying car?"

"Yeah, probably."

They were right over the central part of the palace.

"Okay, genius," scoffed Regis. "How are you going to get down there th-hey!"

Tirin opened the car door and fell sideways, laughing as he drew towards the Earth. He was just about to impale himself on the castle spikes when he moved himself just a second through time and appeared inside the main hall. He was still falling, but slowed himself before landing on the hard green floor. Tirin looked around and prepared for Fuse's defenses. Nothing came.

The castle was warmly decorated. Wreaths hung on every window, a glowing fireplace crackled brilliantly, and Christmas carols echoed through the hall. Tirin landed right next to a tall and magnificent Christmas tree. Most of the presents underneath were addressed from Fuse and to others. (Of course, only his wicked friends.)

Tirin placed his gift beside the others and heard a loud voice from another room. He walked towards a large green door decorated with lights and sleigh bells. It was open just a crack, and Tirin put his head in.

It was the throne room! Fuse and several of his friends were standing around their master, who was seated on a presumptuous green and gold throne.

"It will surely work!" proclaimed Fuse. "I've been good for a whole year!"

"No bad, all good!" affirmed Juggos, one of Fuse's dimmest companions. He nodded his head repeatedly.

"It will take a fair bit of luck," said Mr. C, Fuse's luckiest and most loyal crony. "The crinkly old fool might suspect you'll use it for ill intent."

"Lies and slander!" shouted Fuse. "I've turned over a new leaf, never again will I attack our friends in the forum community!"

"Oh, shut up," said Reaprar, Fuse's newest and meanest minion. "He's been at it for decades, I bet he sees right through your ploy."

"Harumph!" said Fuse. "Juggos, harumph with me will you?"

"Harumph, Lord Fuse!"

"Very good!" Fuse laughed heartily. His smile faded. "I only wish that Maxi were here."

The whole group lowered their heads.

"Don't fret sir," said Mr. C. "We'll have our revenge on the Polack soon enough."

"Revenge, revenge!" said Juggos. "And all glory to Fuse in the highest!"

"Hey, who's at the door?" asked Reaprar.

"Welcome, priso-guest!" said Fuse as he turned his head to the door. But Tirin was already gone.

He stood between two large spikes on the roof for some time, with the sand blowing in his face. Finally Regis passed over him and Tirin teleported as best he could. He appeared on top of the car, and held on for dear life for several seconds. Fortunately he had left the drivers door open and quickly climbed inside.

He told Regis about the strange encounter and they wondered what Fuse could be up to after such a long period of silence.
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
Chapter 16


Zircom's house looked average enough. Smoke from the chimney, square front yard, and festive Christmas lights. (They worked wonders as guidance for landing.) Tirin was happy to have a normal delivery again. He landed his car on the roof and pulled a large bag of pet food from his sack of goodies. There was a small tear in the bag, so he fed poor Regis a little before going down the chimney.

Tirin could not perform his usual routine. There were animals everywhere! Cats, dogs, cages with birds, lizards, mice and other small mammals. Glass tanks full of fish, turtles even, and some species of goat that was nearly extinct. Tirin made his way as carefully as he could across the room and laid the heavy bag of food at the foot of the tree. He was on his way out when the smell of food woke up a particularly hungry beast.

A large growl startled Tirin. He turned and ducked just as the creature swung at him. A large black bear, no less. It charged again but Tirin had gathered his wits. He teleported onto the back of the beast and prepared to drive an energy-enhanced fist into it's skull. But something unordinary came over him. Tirin thought of poor Zircom, waking up Christmas morning to find his pet dead on the ground. No amount of pet food would be able to comfort him. His misery would be complete.

Tirin instead lowered his arm and wrapped it around the bear's throat. The bear, nervous and confused, thrashed all around the room. It smashed into the walls, rolled on the ground, roared as best it could, and fought until it slowly slumped to the ground.

Tirin made sure the animal was breathing after he had released his arm. It was. He became suddenly aware of the many glowing eyes staring at him. Every animal in the house had been woken. He quickly teleported himself back on the roof before they could converge on him.

"Oy, you don't look so good," said Regis.

Tirin was scowling. He ached all over from the thrashing and he was bruised and torn.

All to save a dumb animal he thought to himself. "Yeah, yeah I'm alright. Let's get going."

Zircom was very confused as to what happened that night. Tirin was long gone before he looked outside. All he knew was that he had been delivered pet food, all of his animals were stirred crazy (except for the slumbering bear), and a few cages had been smashed into. Zircom took inventory. No animal was hurt, but his broken spiders' cage had several occupants missing.
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
Chapter 17

"Getting tired Regis?" asked Tirin as they flew.

"A bit, but not enough to stop and rest." Regis smiled back at him.

"We're actually making good time now," said Tirin. "We're about two-thirds of the way done." Tirin was quite proud of his work. "So just let me know if you wanna stop."

Tirin leaned back and put his arms behind his head. He smiled and closed his eyes for a blissful moment, and let his mind wander.

...

...

...

Something was crawling on his body.

He opened his eyes. A spider. A spider on his wrist. And another on his pants. And down his shirt, and on the back of his neck. Tirin roared and squirmed. He accidentally kicked the gas pedal in his fearful fit and the car soared forwards. The car was going to hit Regis! Tirin neglected the spiders and grabbed the steering wheel, jerking it sideways before it could hit his companion. Regis saw the approaching car just in time and swerved in the opposite direction himself.

The line snapped. Regis and his harness flew one way, the car another. Without a lead dog to guide the car it flew madly. Tirin squished the spiders he saw but tried to focus mainly on staying in the air and regaining a sense of direction. But it was too late! In the black of night he was blind and the side of the car smashed into a large pine tree. The car tumbled over and Tirin fell into the passenger seat. Andy's beautiful Furarri tossed and turned and crashed into a snowbank. It slid a great distance before coming to a halt, on its side.

Tirin kicked the car door off and climbed out with the bag of presents.

"Regis!" he called out. "Regis, where are you!?"

The darkness was complete. Tirin held a ball of energy in his hand, but it didn't offer much light. Regis was nowhere to be found. For the first time on his quest, Tirin was truly alone.

The car would not start. Tirin tried several times, but soon noticed that the gas tank was ruptured. (He was actually quite fortunate the car did not explode with him in it, but Tirin was hardly counting his blessings at this moment.)

He double-checked himself and the presents to make sure they were free of spiders. Tirin put away his ball of energy and trudged forward towards a faint light on a hill in the distance. His only hope, and the only thing he could see.

LM's volcano.
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
Chapter 18


(Unfortunately, this article was not recovered, and is forever gone from us. A real shame, it was probably my favorite article in this whole series. I will describe the events that transpired in it.)


Tirin, with his sack of remaining presents, rings LM's doorbell in hopes of acquiring the legend's aid to complete his mission. However, Tirin soon falls victim to a booby trap and ends up constrained to a wall in the heart of LM's volcano lair.


LM enters the room, and believes that Tirin is actually the real Santa, disguising himself as Tirin disguising as Santa. Evidently, LM has a lifetime grudge against Santa for unstated reasons, and is pleased that he has finally captured Saint Nick. Tirin tries to explain his situation to LM, but LM is convinced it's just another of Santa's clever ruses that he's used over the years whilst evading LM. Furthermore, LM believes that Tirin acting as Santa is completely ridiculous.


LM plans on torturing Tirin, but MK calls him from another room to help with the kids. LM says he'll be back in a moment, but while he's gone Tirin uses his time powers to escape. However, he still needs a means to travel across the forum, and Andy's car is broken. Tirin then steals the Mech suit from LM (the same mech suit Shizno used in Shadow's Reign, but later traded to LM). LM has modified the mech suit to be able to fly, and so Tirin uses it to blast off into the night, in order to deliver the final presents.
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
Chapter 19


"See anything?" asked Bob.


"That scanner was pretty accurate," said 13th. He put down the night-vision goggles. "Looks like our convict crash-landed up ahead."


Bob nodded. They both drew their newly found assault rifles and slowly approached the vehicle.


"Yikes, you think he survived this?" said Bob. The front of the car had collapsed into the windshield, where only a few pieces of glass remained intact.


"There's no body," said 13th. "He either abandoned ship before it crashed, or he walked away from it."


"Should we check the license plate?"


"Yeah, good call."


13th pulled out his mod datapad and began entering the license plate number.


"Hey, can I do it this time?" asked Bob.



"No," 13th pulled the device away from Bob. "Only us Officers get to use official equipment." He continued putting in numbers. "Besides, you get to use that scanner from the warehouse."


"Oh, right," Bob responded. "Should I scan the area for heat signatures or something?"


"Sure, go ahead," said 13th.



Bob took out an NFT thermal scanner and aimed the camera on it towards the wreck.


"Oh my gosh, the trunk," whispered Bob.


13th looked up at his partner's scanner. The screen was displaying a strong heat signature, a body, in the trunk of the car.


"You open it, I'll shoot it if it tries anything," whispered 13th in response.


Bob nodded and silently moved over to the trunk of the car. He took several quiet, deep breaths. 13th gave him the signal, and he swung the trunk open.


Bob didn't see anything but a flash. He saw something large hop out of the trunk, and heard 13th scream while shooting his gun.


"Get him off me, get him off me!" shouted 13th in desperation.


Bob shined his flashlight at his partner and began laughing. There was a kangaroo standing on his chest, pinning his arms down.


The animal's ears pricked up, and it leaped off of 13th's chest, bounding off into the darkness. Bob picked up his partner's datapad and began laughing even harder.


"Ha! I thought I recognized it, this is Andy's car," said Bob.


13th picked himself off the ground, scowling. He grabbed his datapad out of Bob's hands. "Andy left town earlier this week, his car must have been stolen. And look." 13th pointed to the scanner in Bob's hand. It showed footprints walking away from the wrecked car. "Our man is alive and well."


"This case is getting stranger all the time," said Bob. "Do we follow them?"
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
Chapter 20

"Oh damn, how do I put this thing down?" Tirin was circling one of the final houses in the mech suit, frantically searching for a toggle to initiate landing. "Ah, the snow should be soft enough." Tirin cut the engines, and the metal behemoth fell from above, crushing two cars upon landing. Their alarms started blaring.


"Shit, shit, shit," said Tirin. He hit several more buttons in the cockpit until a missile fired from the arm cannon, obliterating the noisy vehicles in a loud and fiery explosion. Only a crater remained. Tirin peeked at the house's windows, but no lights came on. Nothing stirred. He wiped his brow and leaped out of the mech suit.


"Somebody seriously lives here?" Tirin thought to himself? "This place is a dump!" He was right. The house, actually a modified tool shed, smelled moldy, had dusty furniture scattered around, and didn't seem to have any utilities - or even a toilet. The occupant slept underneath old covers on a small mattress with protruding springs. Tirin considered getting closer to see who it was, but he didn't want to risk waking them. He shook the bottle of pills in his hands. "Heh, figures they're getting antidepressants for Christmas."


Tirin lit a small ball of teal energy in his hand to better see the room. There was no tree. He quietly placed the pills down on a nearby table, and something caught his eye. Mail was scattered about the table. Several of the letters seemed to be from little kids. He scanned them briefly.


"...thank you so much for the trisicle. Somtimes Dillain and I lik to race them..."


"...you we wouldn't be able to keep the kitchen supplied..."


"...imagine the personal sacrifice it took to make a difference in these kids' lives..."


"...its the best cristmas ever! Thank you!!!"


"...above and beyond the call of an OWP alumni..."


"...your generous donation will fund a playground for..."



All of them were signed and dated by the Orphans Without Parents foundation, from another city. Tirin shifted his footsteps. He looked around the shack again and lost himself in thought. A loud snore interrupted him. The bed shifted.


Tirin teleported behind an old chair. The occupant was still sleeping, they had only rolled o-


Ciflit. It was Ciflit. He continued to snore.


"Oh fuck no!" said Tirin. He ceased trying to be quiet, taking large hateful footsteps towards the door. He grabbed the antidepressants on his way out and climbed back into the mech suit. He primed the engines for takeoff, then thought of the letters from the kids he had seen. His finger hovered above the takeoff button for several seconds. Eventually, his hand turned into a fist and he slammed it onto a blank spot of the control panel. Tirin slumped back in his seat.


"That fucking jag..."
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
Chapter 21

"Okay, almost done," said Tirin. "Just a few more neighborhoods."


The mech suit was flying far above the forum, using a GPS to track remaining houses. The suit's features were a great aid. LM had worked wonders modifying the device.


Tirin's stomach growled. He was low on energy, and Ciflit's house had neither milk or cookies. He glanced at one of the rear-view cameras. "I'll be cutting it pretty close," said Tirin. Dawn was approaching.


Something wasn't right. Tirin looked at the camera again, and saw a bright flash. The whole suit shook, and Tirin was thrusted forward as he heard an explosion. The camera screen went black and an alarm began blaring.


"Engine 3 non-functional. Stabilizing mech."


"Fuel tank 3 severe leaking. Severing line."


Tirin grabbed the controls and spun the suit around, making it fly backwards. Four more missiles were inbound. Tirin flipped the auto-target toggle, and the machine gun mount immediately swerved and fired, taking out three missiles just as they were about to hit. The fourth missile hit below where Tirin could see out of the viewport, and the craft rocked again.


"Auto-targeting non-functional."


"Right arm cannons one and three non-functional."


"Shit." Tirin grabbed the flight stick and manual gun controls. More missiles were coming. Tirin piloted the mech into some clouds above, darting and zipping through them at various speeds to lose the projectiles. Several missiles lost their signal and trailed off elsewhere in the sky, but a dozen more kept their mark. Tirin sprayed the sky with bullets, taking out five of the closest targets. He carefully aimed to take down the further ones, but they seemed impervious to bullets. Tirin launched his own projectiles from the last remaining arm cannon, but without auto-targeting it was useless. The enemy missiles were getting closer, close enough for Tirin to see they were heavily plated with some kind of metal casing.


"Oh, screw this!" said Tirin. He charged a ball of energy in his hand and shot it through the viewport, shattering most of the glass. It flew forward and collided with the closest missile, easily causing it to detonate en route. "Ha!" Tirin fired a volley of more energy balls, a few of which similarly took down more targets. But he soon ran out of energy and found himself exhausted, very sleepy even. Three missiles were left. Tirin tried to pilot away, but their heat signature were locked on. They were too close. Tirin braced for impact.


The first missile hit and sent the mech spinning. Tirin didn't have time to strap himself in, he began bouncing around the cockpit. The alarm was reading off the numerous damages, but he couldn't hear it over the sound of the screaming engines. The mech jerked and spun the other way as the second missile hit. Fuel started spewing into the cockpit, and Tirin heard parts clanging and ripping off the mech as it fell down to the earth.


Tirin didn't want to see what the third missile would do. He kicked off of the sidewall and shot himself through the remaining glass in the viewport, gaining as much horizontal distance away from the mech as possible. A final explosion deafened him, and sent him tumbling madly - fortunately away from the mech's flaming debris. Tirin started blacking out, but the wind in his face kept him awake. And alive. Tirin shot all of his remaining energy downward to act as thrust, hoping to cushion his fall. He still left a small crater in the ground when he hit.


Tirin laid there motionless, his body screaming in pain. His burnt arm felt good in the snow. Failure was all he could think of as he saw the sun begin to rise and passed out.
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
Chapter 22

"Ha, nice shooting!" said Bob.


"Thanks," returned 13th. He tossed the empty rocket launcher behind him, into a pile of other empty, smoldering rocket launchers.


"Took long enough though," said Bob. "Good thing I brought those armored ones."


"Yeah, you did good," said 13th. "Whew, I'm just glad we took care of that menace. C'mon, let's go check the wreckage."


"Aw, do we have to?" asked Bob. He sat down in the snow. "We've been chasing this guy all night. I mean, look, the sun's rising now."


"No Bob, we have to verify the kill. Let's, um, is it seriously dawn already?" 13th squinted at the sun. "Y'know what, I bet the wreckage will still be there this afternoon. Let's get a few hours rest before all the Christmas commotion starts.


"But what about confirming the kill?" asked Bob.


"Ha! No mortal could have survived that fall," said 13th. "We'll take a look later, it doesn't matter."
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
Chapter 23


"Hey, wake up!" Tirin opened his eyes. Req was standing above him. "You son of a bitch, you did it. You actually did it."


"Leave me alone," said Tirin. He rolled over and tried to fall asleep. He was sore everywhere, and particularly cross about his partial failure.


Req kicked him.


"Ow, what the hell do you want you, uh...how did I get here?" Tirin looked around. He was in the guest room at Req's house. "I thought I was-"


"Lying in an open field surrounded by burning wreckage in a near-death state?" Regis entered the room. "Yeah, you were. I found Req when my harness broke, and we managed to track you down. After you blew up."


Tirin looked at him and paused. "Thanks."


"Don't mention it," he replied. "Anyways, Req we're gonna be late. I'll meet you guys there."


"Shoot, you're right." Req looked at his watch. "C'mon Tirin. Wolfy and everyone else are waiting for us."


Tirin limped out of bed with Req's help. "Where are we headed?"


"City Hall. There's...something there," said Req.


"Can we stop by my house? I, uh, need to grab something."


"Whatever, just make it fast," said Req. "And don't use too much energy. It'll be a day before you recover."


The two of them walked to Tirin's house, then made their way towards City Hall. Tirin's limp was agitating him a bit less now.


They stopped outside the plaza. Bailey, Ravenhall, and Whitetiger were setting up a new Christmas tree.


"A bit to the left," directed Danny. "Good, good, now secure it!" The men scrambled and tied down the tree.


"Now the lights!" said Bryaugh. Bailey stuck a plug into the nearby generator, and all the lights on the tree shined gloriously. "Oh, oh, don't forget the star!" Ravenhall scrambled up the tree and placed a star on top. "Perfect!"


"Wait, uh, isn't that the Jewish star?" said Whitetiger. It was. Sideshow Bob began laughing hysterically.


"Tirin, there you are!" Wolfy stepped outside of City Hall. She ran over to Tirin and kissed his cheek. "I'm so proud of you! Come in, come in!" She grabbed his arm and forcibly dragged him inside.


"Hey, careful. That arm was on fire earlier, y'know. Whoa." Tirin stopped. Most of the forumers were gathered inside. There was a massive tree, lights, and presents everywhere - addressed to everyone in the community. The benches had been moved to make way for a dance floor, and there was a tremendous feast in the back room. "How is this-"


"I knew you had it in you, I knew you could be Santa," said Wolfy. She was absolutely ecstatic.


"Wolfy, I didn't even-"


"I'll get us some food, hero," she went into the back room.


Tirin looked to Req. "Santa left the house when we went to find you," said Req. "I guess he finished the job and did this as a thank you or something."


Tirin smiled and looked around.


Tropag, Kyle, and Riyant were by the punch bowl.


"Kind of weird they put egg nog in a punch bowl," said Tropag. "Unless that's actually normal. I dunno. I'm usually too drunk to notice." He took a long drink from his cup.


"Being sober not all it's cracked up to be?" asked Kyle. Tropag nodded, and took another drink. "Sorry man. Really though, I'm just happy I got the weather machine fixed. We should have a cozy blanket of snow soon if the-"


"Wait, wait, how much of that egg nog have you been drinking?" asked Riyant.


"I dunno, this is like my fifth cup or something," said Tropag.


"Uh, that's my specialty egg nog," said Riyant. "It's like...90% rum."


Tropag's eyes widened. Something churned in his gut, and he leaped up in the air. By the time he landed his eyes were glazed, his beard had grown to the perfect "unshaven" length, and he was completely inebriated. "I'm back, hic, baby! Whooo!" Tropag started running and fell over. He crawled back to the egg nog for a sixth cup.


Outside, Milamber and Farful ambushed the unsuspecting Scarvexx and Kratour with a distinguishable snowball arsenal. The two victims ran for cover, sprinting past Firedemon. FD, wearing oven mitts to keep his hands from melting the snow, gleefully built snowmen scenes in TC's lawn. One group depicted Firedemon stepping on TC, and in the other he was hitting him with a mackerel.



Walrus and Melody were hanging out by the dance floor.


"Hey Melody, want to dance?" said Walrus.


"No, not really," said Melody. "Anyways, I heard about you going around giving little kids presents and stuff. That's pretty sweet of you."


"Sweet enough to get a dance with milady?"


"Uh, no," she said. "Sorry Walrus, not today."


"Oh, look!" Walrus pointed above him. "We're under the mistletoe. You know what that means, wink wink!"


"Okay fine, one dance! One! Okay?" said Melody. Walrus eagerly pulled her onto the dance floor.



Nifty and TC had observed the scene. They seemed to be over their spat.


"It's weird, did you know that mistletoe is actually poisonous?" said TC.


"We're actually standing under one right now, dear."


"It depends on the kind of mistletoe though."


"Dear.."


"In fact, the whole tradition surrounding it is kinda funny, huh?"


"Dear.."


"I wonder if this kind is poisonous or not. Oh, I bet I can look it up and-"


"Oh, shut up you," said Nifty as she pulled her husband's face to hers.



Tirin saw several forumers starting to open their presents.


"I got a cat costume!" said Rondait. "Yes!"


"I got hot wheels!" said Wilger. "Vroom vroom!"


"We got lucky charms! said Jeb and Lumpy.


"I got a book?" said Balth. "Common Sense by Thomas Paine? What's that?"


"I got a green card!" said Tag Ross. "AND a new pool cleaner!"


"I got soccer cleats!" said Dragonruby. He put them on quickly. Shizno looked curious.


"Wait, you don't even play soccer," said Shizno. "Why do you - OOF!" Shizno groaned in intense pain as Druby kicked him in the balls.


"I got a bike!" said Goldeathorous. "I can't wait to - HEY!"


Lawliet pushed Gold over and took his bike, laughing as he rode out the door.


"Meh," said Gold. "I don't care. Aspergers."



A few forumers looked grumpy. They had received only coal in their presents.


"Hmph! I was better this year than any other!" said Shadow, holding the coal in his hands. Salsy, who had also received coal, pointed and laughed at his friend's misfortune. Shadow threw the lump of coal at Salsy, hitting him in the forehead. They proceeded to fight each other.



Stealthy was sitting by himself, looking down at the coal in his hands. Only a few people knew what was truly upsetting him. Easy Rider walked by and tapped him on the shoulder. He took the lump of coal from Stealthy's hands and squeezed it. A few seconds later he handed the coal back. Easy walked away, and Stealthy smiled at the diamond in his hands.



Aethrys and Stoney weren't complaining about their coal. They were focused on some kind of break-in that happened.


"Just move the goods to a different warehouse, and sever our ties to the property," said Aethrys. "We can cover our tracks well enough."


"Right-o," said Stoney. "Bloody idiots landing helicopters in our buildings. This is going to be a setback."



13thforswarn and Sideshow Bob walked into the Hall. They both looked tired.


"That was completely ridiculous," said Bob. "I can't believe LM would lie to us like that."


"Yeah," said 13th. "Saying that Santa hijacked his mech suit and used it to spread chaos across town. Ridiculous."


"We never found a body, either. I bet the autopilot just went haywire or something."


"Something like that. I bet LM's just trying to avoid charges, but meh, it's Christmas. Everybody gets a freebie today."


"Hmph," said Bob.


"Oh, that's right, I forgot you don't like Christmas," said 13th. "That reminds me, I got you a present."


"I's okay," said Bob. "I'm not one for presents, you don't have to - wait what?"


13th pinned a moderator badge on Bob's shirt. "You did some good work last night. We could use more men like you on the force."


"Wow, really? You're serious?" Bob could hardly contain himself.


"Welcome to the Mod Squad, Officer Bob."



Tirin smiled. Everything was turning out wonderfully. He was looking for someone in particular though. Tirin finally spotted Ciflit. He was standing against the wall, looking at his phone. Tirin took a deep breath and strode forward.


"Hey, uh, Ciflit."


"What do you want?"


"Don't be a faggot, I'm just trying to-"


"Sorry for being a jerk yesterday."


"What?"


"I was being a douche, when they were raising the tree yesterday."


"Yeah, you were! I mean, uh, no problem. I...I was too."


"..."


"This is awkward so I'm going to get it over with. Merry Christmas, you jag." Tirin tossed the item he got from his house, a CD case, into Ciflit's hands.


"What's this?"


"It's some weirdo faggot band. I thought you might like it or something."


"I've never even heard of them."


"Eh, ah well. You don't have to listen to-"


"It's perfect."


"It is? Uh, yeah. It is."


Ciflit looked up. "Thank you Tirin."


"Yeah, you're welcome. No problem." Tirin walked away. Something felt different. Suddenly, the door swung open.


"Hey everyone!" said Frilzer from the doorway. "Look who's here!"


Spiffums walked into the room, and everyone cheered. "Thank you, thank you!" said Spiffums. "Brr, let's close that door. It's freezing outside."


"Pfft, it's not even cold out," said Ciflit. Tirin smiled at him.


"About damn time," said Stealthy, walking up to Spiffums. "I thought you said you couldn't make it this year."


"I did," said Spiffums. "But somebody broke into my house, knocked me out, and I woke up at the hotel here."


"Ha, just like old times!" said Stealthy. The two of them walked towards the food together.


"Wow, look!" said Scythe. He pointed out the front window.


"It's snowing!" said Rondait.


"No, not that!" said Scythe. "Up there!"


Several forumers pressed their faces up against the glass. There was a man in a sled, being pulled across the sky by eight reindeer.


"Is that, is that who I think it is?" said Balth.


The man could be heard in the distance as he sailed away, "Ho ho ho! A Teal Christmas to all! Ho ho ho!"


The forumers stared in amazement. Req patted Tirin on the shoulder, and Regis came by his side. "Ya done good Tirin. Ya done good."


Tirin chuckled and put his arm around Wolfy beside him. It was a good day. The sled soon vanished from their sight, and they resumed their holiday celebrations.
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
24: Epilpgue


December 26th:


"What a great trip!" said Andy as he pulled up to his driveway.


"You said it, mate!" Maretocks replied. "Best Christmas ever!"


They both dismounted from their kangaroos and grabbed their suitcases.


"It's good to be home though," said Andy.


"Oh yeah, I'm glad we're..."


They both stared at the driveway. Andy's Furarri had been smashed, burned, and twisted nearly beyond recognition.


"What in the name of Steve Irwin..."






Req was typing on his typewriter. He heard a faint noise and stopped. There was nothing. He continued typing, and heard it again. Req walked over to his kitchen counter. The ear piece he had gotten for Christmas was making noise. He put it on.


"Hello, is someone there? My name's Requiem."


"Uh, hi Requiem. I find this weird earpiece thing in my lawn. Does it belong to you?"


"Yeah, it does."


"Hey, are you one of those forum people?"


"Yeah, why?"


"Nothing, just curious. We're way far away from you guys, is there an address I can ship this to?"


"Sure, one second. Thanks."


"No problem. Oh, and uh, my name's Alex."





Santa landed his sled on a desert island in the Bahamas. He quickly took off his cumbersome coat, hat, and fake beard. He made a piña colada and started marking his calender.


"Ho, ho, ho!" he laughed. "A Teal Christmas to all!" Santa turned around, revealing his identity.


"And to all," smiled Maelstrom, "a good night."





THE END
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
Fun fact: I'm like 80% sure the epilogue with Req is the first appearance of @RECONmaster in forum lore. Also, I think this was written before he literally adopted the entire community like the generous badass that he is.

Merry Christmas you awesome person you.
 
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