Blooky For Mayor 2018: Ass Eating Platform

[BlookyHannah]

4/1/2018
Proper Candidacy Announcement Post

Friends of Mach,

I apologize for having mislead you. The questions were not unexpected. I should have foreseen this prior to such an alluring and magnificent campaign post and been more forthright with my explanation of my candidacy. I will elaborate now.

Due to the nature of our presence on a forum, I can neither eat your ass, nor recruit someone else to eat your ass, nor take into consideration your thoughts on who should be eating your ass (or not) for any deliverables in that realm. Regardless, the title of my platform has a purpose: to identify myself as a selfless and self-sacrificing candidate who provides service and enjoyment. Ass eating is not an explanation of my future plans, but a reflection of my character: and therefore, a justification for my role as mayor.

My platform beyond that is simple. Mach knows best. I will act as a non-biased leadership figure who will allow you - the people, robots and cuties of Mach - to act independently. I will accept majority rule but take into consideration the minority voice and give it power. I feel that as more of an outsider to your group, I can provide a non-judgmental, objective say in matters of conflict without taking sides or upsetting any one party. While not everyone's ass can be eaten, everyone's voice will be heard.

I will continue to take your questions. Please do not ask if I will eat your specific ass on this thread.

 

[Colonel Thunder]

Hahaha good joke post, dear!

...


...right?

 

[Requiem]

Hm.

 

[Jeroth]

Oh no. The wild card.

 

[Jeroth]

Follow-up Question:

Everyone's ass? And how are we implementing this on the forums? What's the goal of the party?

 

[Tirin]

What if somebody doesn't want their ass to be eaten? I think that this party has a lot to be desired, and needs to answer some pretty obvious questions if it hopes to go anywhere.

 

[Firedemon]

And who exactly will be doing the ass eating?

 

[BlookyHannah]

OP post edited for clarity.

 

[Firedemon]

Candidate Blooky, are traps gay?

 

[BlookyHannah]

Candidate Blooky, are traps gay?

Thank you for that question, Firedemon. I understand this question is truly asking: "Is it gay for otherwise straight men to find traps attractive," but if you have another definition, please expand.

I'm of the opinion that the only thing that makes someone gay is declaring or otherwise deciding they are gay. Traps, therefore, are not gay. If in doubt I would encourage use of the phrase "no homo," repetitively, to ensure any interaction with traps definitely isn't gay.

 

[Tirin]

I'm glad that the things I do while thinking about traps and the things that I would do to them are totally not gay - but this was something I was already set on anyway.

What's REALLY IMPORTANT IS HOW BLOOKY HAS UTTERLY FAILED TO DELIVER ON HER ASS-EATING PROMISE. SHE IS NOT THE LEADER FOR MACH ENTERTAINMENT BECAUSE SHE WILL NOT DO THE PROMISED ASSEATING EVEN BY PROXY.

 

[The Hound]

Blooky has my vote, solely because I want to see first lady TC.

 

[Requiem]

He'd be First Gentleman, in that situation, if he had a title at all that is.

Sure, he's a eunuch, but still.

 

[Colonel Thunder]

Blooky has my vote, solely because I want to see first lady TC.

Oh my God can that please be my title if she wins.

 

[Requiem]

Oh my God can that please be my title if she wins.

Well, fine then, you big jamook.

 

[Tirin]

I will make that happen if it comes to pass, though I think Recon would have to change it up if we want it to be anything other than plain text.

 

[Colonel Thunder]

Blooky supporters were recently spotted harassing a scheduled speaker.

A local police officer tried to arrest them, but they kept playing Nickelback. He stood in painful silence for several moments while the perpetrators escaped.

 

[Null Hypothesis]

Blooky, you should put some though into distributing duties to your cabinet members. I'm sure the forum would be interested in who you are considering for Secretary of Eating Ass.