Feels Thread

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer
Member
#1
Uh-oh a serious thread.

Every once in awhile, we have a breakout session of feels. There's something about the relative aura of anonymity here that can get us to share emotion-stuff that we usually wouldn't vent about to a group of our IRL friends.

So, this is a safe thread to do that if you ever want to post your feels without feeling like you're interrupting the normal flow of things.

For obvious reasons, keep the joking minimal and very friendly in this thread as compared to the others.
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer
Member
#2
I don't know why a messed up computer got me so down yesterday, but I was feeling pretty freaking down. I know I'm not actually an incompetent person, but it's kind of hard to believe that when I accidentally worsened my computer issues from a 2 hour project into an 8 hour one. I almost have everything back to normal now, but man it sucked hard in the moment.
 

Requiem

Well-Known Member
Member
#3
I get that, TC. It's just that idea knowing that you could have handled the problem a different way, but now that you're so far down the rabbit hole, that's it. It's shitty, but it happens, hindsight being what it is.

Missing a stream probably has to do with it too, but don't feel too bad. We all understand. It's okay to not get things perfectly right, just keep moving and you've got this.
 

AndyM03

Well-Known Member
Member
#4
I saw this thread earlier while I was at work and god am I glad to be back at home on my computer so that I can eloquently and passionately say, I fucking love you TC, keep your head up brother. You are normally an endless beacon of positivity and it's humbling to know even you have your sad days, and we are here to get you through them.

As someone also in the Software/technology field, I can safely say there's nothing more frustrating then the issues you describe.

I like this threads existence as a yin to the yang of the Hot Takes thread.
 

coolpool2

Savage AF
The Original Gangster
#6
To be honest part of me hates that I've gotten close to people online. I really just want to die, but if I did I'm sure I'd make people sad. It's annoying.
 

Requiem

Well-Known Member
Member
#10
Well it means that more people would be upset if I went and died.
I'd say instead of framing it like that, see it for the positive that it is. You are someone who deserves to live and be happy. You have undeniable proof of this fact in your connection with us, with this community.

Believe me, I understand the wanting to die thought. It's not wanting to commit suicide, at least for me it wasn't, but it's about just not wanting to... be. To go from a 1 to a 0, as it were, from being alive to not being alive. It's a tough problem to cope with, but I've found that even when I feel like that, the world doesn't stop. I don't stop being valuable or worthy of appreciation from myself and others. I don't stop being someone worthy of my friends and family's love. I don't stop being someone who deserves to live, no matter how much I might not want to.

Though I've never attempted suicide or heavily considered it, I do have those thoughts. It's important to know that it's okay, these feelings come and go, they're normal. They may not be evidence of proper mental health, no, but it's not wrong to have these thoughts, so long as you don't intend to act upon them. Every person in the world has dark thoughts like these, they are totally normal, as far as I understand it.

I can't say that I've come out of my funk, that would be a lie, but I've found in the last few months that having things to do, things to work on, and pushing for interaction with others, even if it's just online, can help you to get through it, make it not affect you as deeply. Of course getting proper help from a real doctor would be suggested (everyone should have a therapist, honestly), but don't think of your connections with people as being a bad thing. They're good. We would be sad if you died, absolutely, but that means our connection to you should be valued and celebrated.

You're a great person, Coolpool. I know those words might sound hollow, but I do genuinely mean them in every way that might be important to you. You have worth and I want you to be around for years and years to come. You deserve a happy life just as much as I do. We can both get there one day at a time.
 

Requiem

Well-Known Member
Member
#12
It's just annoying. I hate depression. I only want to make people happy. But the more I make people happy the more they care about me and worry about me. And I hate the thought of people worrying because of me.
The thing is, Coolpool, that the same people you want to make happy also want to make you happy. It might seem a callous thing for me to say, but you can't solely live your life for others without also tending to your own needs, that's not how these things work.

By failing to also take care of yourself and do what you need to do for you, that causes people to worry about you more and that's what you're personally trying to avoid, by your own words. Since that's the case, by focusing on the needs and happiness of others so heavily for fear of making them worry about you, you cause them to worry about you and ultimately fail what you were trying to accomplish.

That's not meant to be hurtful, but just a logical construction of what you're telling us. There really can be too much of a good thing or, to put it better, there's a better way to use all of the love and care you're putting in the world.

I'll put it like this as it's one of the best thoughts I've heard on the subject:
Maybe the amount of "save the world" you've got in you is enough for more than just you, who knows? It's just a metaphor really, but the reason we love and care for one another is because we feel the people we care for deserve it.

I am writing this post right now and doing literally nothing else because I care for you, Coolpool, and believe you deserve to be as happy and as loved as the people you love and try to make happy. You need to be one of the people you save. You need to make yourself a priority because one day after so many years of not doing so, you'll find that you'll have to. You'll be forced to make yourself a priority because of health reasons or monetary ones, or what have you. This all comes down to self-care, really. You need to take care of yourself, not because it's selfish, but because maintaining yourself while working towards your goal of caring for others is necessary.

I don't wanna overload you with reading, so I'll stop this post here and let you respond.
 

Requiem

Well-Known Member
Member
#15
By failing to also take care of yourself and do what you need to do for you, that causes people to worry about you more and that's what you're personally trying to avoid, by your own words. Since that's the case, by focusing on the needs and happiness of others so heavily for fear of making them worry about you, you cause them to worry about you and ultimately fail what you were trying to accomplish.
And to speak more to this, I have to say that other people's happiness is not your responsibility, it's theirs. We help one another shoulder the burden, definitely, but the responsibility still falls upon them in the end. By trying to take on their responsibilities, you put undue stress on yourself and further compound your own problems.

You can help a friend study for a test, but not if it means you are sacrificing your own study time in the process. You also can't take the test for them. They have their responsibilities, you have your own. Everyone (which includes you) needs to handle their own stuff.

And, just to say it, while I don't know or think that this is what you're doing, don't try to use the idea of "helping others" as a scapegoat for choosing to ignore your own problems. I say that because it's what I used to do. I told myself and everyone else it made sense to tell that I was living for others, that my actions were for those around me, that it was okay I wasn't feeling loved or wanted so long as the people around me felt those things. I never really did much of anything to put those words into effect, however. I was lying to myself and to everyone else. It's a nice thought to say "I live for everyone else," but that's all it ends up being at the end of all this, just a thought.
 

Milamber

Active Member
Member
#16
It's just annoying. I hate depression. I only want to make people happy. But the more I make people happy the more they care about me and worry about me. And I hate the thought of people worrying because of me.
While I can't relate to the feeling of depression. I can empathise putting all my energy into making other people happy but resenting them for worrying about me. In my case, I wanted every acquaintance, family member to be content, happy and successful. In time, I realised that while I wanted them to be happy, I was actually more focused on them being happier than I was. By placing so much energy on everyone else I neglected myself, I neglected my happiness, goals, ambitions and my state of mind. It was only by focusing on myself and taking time to look at what I wanted was I able to get a fine balance.

While I don't know you very well coolpool, if you're going to try and actively make people happy please take care of yourself. If you take on other peoples worries or responsibilities, make sure to release everything you absorb. Do something for yourself not because it could make someone else happy but because it could maybe make you happy.

<3
 

BlookyHannah

Well-Known Member
Member
#17
CP - Depression SUCKS. I know you can read a wall of positive text and still feel like garbage and have no energy to get out of bed, let alone do life. There's something that's going to help you beat it. It might be therapy. It might be a medication. It might be exercise. It might be meditation. For me it was a prescription. And sometimes that fails so I have to keep working on it. It doesn't matter what your motivation to beat depression is - but keep trying new outlets and don't be ashamed of the solutions that stick. The world is definitely brighter with you in it - and all other agents aside, you'll be so much more "you" when you find your thing.
 

Tirin

God-Emperor of Tealkind
Moderator
#19
Sometimes you people are almost too wholesome and caring. Makes me wonder how the hell I ended up staying here.
 

The Hound

Well-Known Member
Member
#20
So I was reluctant to post in here as I knew everyone else would be more eloquent and probably more helpful but I guess one more voice can't hurt.

Depression is hell... Obviously. For people with depression it's a force that impacts every aspect of our waking life and in ways we don't always even notice especially when it becomes so commonplace for you that you naturally exist like that's how life goes. It's not though, we just get so used to it that we believe this is the only way that we can be which makes escaping it so much harder. That idea of acceptance, that this is how it is, that fighting against it is impossible or not worth the pain is all part of the seemingly never ending feeling of depression. Sure you can have good days but it's always lingering there in the back of your mind, so it can even sabotage otherwise good things for you.

And that's why Blooky is 100% right, you've got to find your thing. The thing that makes you want to get up and takes your mind off of things. Trust me you might not have a thing yet, and everything you try might not resonate with you but that's the depression again it's going to keep you from finding that thing because everything while depressed feels like a chore. Which is why you've gotta go to therapy and if need be get on medication because those are the only things that will give you enough clarity to find your thing.

I say all of this as a person who wasted far too many years of his life living in depression, trying in vain to end my life. Seeing how my behavior, my unhappiness drove everyone away from me and in the end realizing that it was only up to me to make a difference in my life but it fucking took a long time. I hope others can find this sooner than I did, I wish 21 year old me was as aware of my own strength, strength I certainly never believed I had.

Coolpool you're already a lot stronger and more mature than I was at your age, your concern for others while you go through your struggle is admirable and you're a great guy. You may regret now having made connections with so many people who love and care about you but when you get through all of this you'll really appreciate all the people who will be proud of your growth.

We're all here for you.
 
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