Active Get the Cookie

Senpai

Jorler's Significant Otter
Member
Senpai continues to eat the cookie nonetheless, as sugar is her downfall.

"Maybe if I eat it all, I'll never be hungry as my body will continue to digest it forever."

She hoists up the Dunsparce, it's weight starting to get a bit hefty but continues walking off.
 

Firedemon

Well-Known Member
Member
"Hey, isn't this color I use for my rebel super soldier? Ah, fuck it, I'll pick a different color. A better color! With blackjack! And hookers!".

"No one should object to this color."

FD stands proud for a moment, as if inviting a higher power to strike him down. Nothing happens.

"But anyways, I believe attempting to consume the cookie will anger the space peoples or something, and they typically end up mistaking you for some kind of chaotic neutral deity to be subdued. Sounds fun at first, but gets tedious or boring after a while."
 

Senpai

Jorler's Significant Otter
Member
"Well, that's a funny story... I am a chaotic neutral deity." Senpai grins and pockets the cookie.
 

Firedemon

Well-Known Member
Member
Wow, that cyan really hurts my eyes. Maybe the memes aren't worth it. I'll just pretend it never happened.

"Woah there, we've been down this road before. Trust me, this is a bad idea. Some space ships will show up, TC will try to court you, you'll rip his balls off..."

FD glances over to a presumably uncomfortable TC, then looks back to Senpai

"Actually no, this is fine."
 

Tirin

God-Emperor of Tealkind
Moderator
Firedemon's face starts to ache and his left eye starts to swell shut, as though he recently received a solid punch to the face. Almost immediately after Tirin appears, cookie in hand and an impressively conceited smile on his face.

"It certainly isn't worth it. That color is an abomination whether it clashes or blends with the background it's on. Pretty unimpressive show of judgment using it in the first place."

He turns to look at Senpai, holding up the cookie that she apparently just pocketed.

"I don't mind other deities, self-proclaimed or otherwise. For various reasons I usually both predate and outlast them, but I find envy unbecoming. Bit of advice, though: this isn't great for eating. Too much and things get real dangerous, real fast - and I don't mean the fun, beating-the-bad-guys Darkwing Duck kinda dangerous, I mean tearing-apart-spacetime-and-endangering-the-universe kinda dangerous. God, it's bad enough seeing people use it as a power source."
 

Dunsparce

Well-Known Member
Member
Aw fuck. Did Tirin just use his time travel powers for this? That’s such bullshit!
What? Tirin has time travel powers?
Yeah. I’m not sure how time travel works in this reality, but I’m pretty sure he just created an ontological loop where it’s predestined for him to get the cookie. Either that or he froze time and stole it from your pocket.
Huh…
Anyway, fuck it. If Tirin is gonna cheat and use his powers, then so will I!

Long ago, a certain incident imbued each forumer with certain elemental powers. Most famously, Tirin was granted power over time. Other forumers have comparatively weaker powers, like Dunsparce’s control over electricity. If he’d work hard to hone his abilities like Tirin, maybe he could control the electric impulses in peoples’ bodies, and even control their brains, but unfortunately all Dunsparce can do is shock people.

Not all forumers know of their powers, however. For example, TC has the power of bad luck, but he is apparently unaware of it. If he was aware of his powers, and knew how to weaponize them, he’d no doubt be the most deadly user on the forum.

It’s possible that the incident which gave everyone their powers is the same incident which created the cookie, but who can say really.

Alright, here goes nothing! I say ‘here goes nothing’ because I don’t want to look like I care if this fails.

Dunsparce points at Tirin and sends a lightning bolt in his direction. Tirin turns toward Dunsparce, and right before the lightning would strike him, a time portal appears, sending the lightning to strike an unsuspecting Dunsparce in the future.

You really shouldn’t telegraph your attacks like that.
Wait! Shit! Did you just redirect my lightning attack to myself in the future? When?! When, motherfucker, when?!
I think I’ll let you find that out for yourself.

Still Tirin’s cookie.
 

Senpai

Jorler's Significant Otter
Member
"Last I recall, Dunsparce... er... Dunsparces.... Dunsparci?" She shrugged. "... only have 5 electric-type moves. Dat ain't right." Senpai frowned as she dug around in her pocket, unable to locate the cookie. "I want my goddamn cookie." Like the little ball of anger and destruction she is, Senpai stomped her foot and crossed her arms. She cracked the ground beneath her very toes, "Dunsparce! I want my goddamn cookie! You get it now!"

"I am not your damn slave."

"Bitch you're a Pokemon, you're MEANT to be my slave! GET ME MY COOKIE."

The cookie remains with Tirin.
 

Dunsparce

Well-Known Member
Member
You know I’m not actually a pokemon, right? I just happen to be named after one. Long story. That said, it’s not a problem for you to treat me like a slave, in fact..."

Dunsparce turns to face Senpai with a creepy grin on his face, stepping uncomfortably close to her.

"...I like it."
o_o

Right as Dunsparce says that, a time portal opens in front of him, and strikes him with lightning.
 

Senpai

Jorler's Significant Otter
Member
Senpai, not too bothered by the strange turn of events, merely shrugged. "Alright you kinky son of a bitch." She gently kicked his electrocuted body. ".... Hope you're not dead because if you live I'll split the cookie 70/30 with you."
 

Requiem

Well-Known Member
Member
Still can't split the cookie up. It's an infinite cookie thing.

Oh, it's also mine now.
 

Requiem

Well-Known Member
Member
That's the thing, it's still an infinite crazy nonsense mcguffin. If we could just eat the cookie, that would end the game when there's not supposed to be an ending. Besides, like someone mentioned, that bite you took fixed itself, so the cookie is whole again.

I teleport away with the cookie.
 

Senpai

Jorler's Significant Otter
Member
Bitch took my fuckin' cookie
 

Tirin

God-Emperor of Tealkind
Moderator
Tirin listens patiently to Dunsparce's explanation of Senpai's questions. Being that he can perceive even the most meta of text, his patience slowly erodes as Dunsparce reveals a common origin for the abilities of many forumers - one which Tirin denies for countless reasons, rooted in a long and violent history. This, coupled with the spectacle of Senpai and his disgust toward Dunsparce's deviance, makes it a simple task for Req to snatch the cookie from his hand.

A moment later Tirin lifts Dunsparce from the ground by his wrist before spiking him back into the dirt facefirst, the crunch that accompanies it signifying broken rock, bones, or both. "Gimme a break, I'm not a fucking X-Man. I haven't got the time to tell you my backstory - well, I do, I just wanna spend it on anyone else - so I'm not gonna. Don't belittle me, jag." He says, while Dunsparce's wounds start to heal - just as painfully as they were caused. "You're welcome for not just leaving you slowly bleeding out internally, by the way. As for you, Senpai, consider this: you can't split the universe in half with a wall, just cover an infinitesimal volume of the whole thing. By the same principle, you can't split the cookie; a bite, or a section, or whatever is just a tiny fraction of the real power that thing contains. Anyway, I'll see you later."

He turns and disappears, only to emerge before Req with a menacing grin on his face and murder in his eyes. "Requiem, I have scoured the infinite universes for you, and no-" The illusion breaks and he laughs, shaking his head a little as his gaze softens. "Gonna be honest, it didn't take me long to get here. Like, not even of my time. And I don't really want the cookie that bad, either, just see what goes on around it and talk some shit. Have fun while it lasts. Me?" He holds his palms skyward and begins to float up. "I'm gonna enjoy the show."
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
"Aw man, not another chaos deity," says TC, covering his testicles. "Hey Firedemon, do you want to form an alliance to go try to take the cookie back? I don't think Req will be too much trouble for the both of us."
 

Dunsparce

Well-Known Member
Member
Why do you have a yellow car? Yellow is, like, the ugliest color.
Yeah, the fact that it’s the ugliest color is precisely the reason my car is yellow! I’m the only one who doesn’t have to look at it! It’s like a big middle finger to everyone on the road, and they just gotta deal with it!
Dunsparce and Senpai, having apparently formed an alliance, set off for Requiem’s house to appropriate the cookie.
So what’s the deal with all these super powers you guys seem to have?

There was once a powerful artifact known as the McGuffin, which held all the power in the universe, but one day somebody broke it, and all the elemental forces inside it went to posses whoever represented the element the best. Each element seems to come in pairs of two. Yin and Yang. Good and Evil. Time and Space. The forumer who was the most relentless became the hero of time, you already know him, Tirin. The forumer who was the most fickle became the hero of space. That's Requiem, with the ability to teleport at will.

"So what's your power then?"
"I, my mistress, am the hero of void. I have an endless hungering void inside me, and I can create voids in other people. In other words, I can steal people's powers."
"So you're like Sylar from Heroes?"
"... Yeah. It's kinda the weakest element on its own, but that doesn't matter because I have a secret weapon. My juju."
"What the hell is a juju?"

A juju is a mystical artifact that exists in an ontological loop. It is destined to one day be sent back in time and go through all the events that led to it getting sent back in time again. A juju has no true beginning and no true end. Because of this, jujus, much like us forumers, are not beholden to the same laws of nature as everything else. They tend to have some amazing power or enchantment, and are indestructible, or at least are destined to never get destroyed.

"Is the cookie a juju?"
"Nope. It's just a regular cookie. Anyway, here we are."
Dunsparce pulls in to Requiem's driveway, gets out, and opens the trunk. He retrieves his juju, which just so happens to be AN ASSAULT RIFLE THAT NEVER RUNS OUT OF BULLETS.
"Wait, doesn't having a juju mean that you'll have to get rid of it some day? And you'll have to work with Tirin to send it back?"
"Yeah but presumably I won't send it back until I get a better one, and Tirin is actually pretty cool about stuff like that. 'Specially if it's to protect the timeline."
Dunsparce points his juju at the door and shoots an absolutely absurd number of bullets at it, until it opens. Then he keeps shooting through the door. And keeps shooting. He keeps shooting until there's no door in the universe that wouldn't be torn down by now, and then he shoots a little bit more.
"Do you think that's enough?"
"It'll have to do. My trigger finger's tired."
They enter Req's house and find a pool of blood and lead, with a cookie floating in the middle.
"Here's your cookie, m'lady." *tips fedora*

Senpai's cookie. Also, Dunsparce gets Req's space powers.
 
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