Active Get the Cookie

[Requiem]

Not sure what you killed in that house since I'm currently homeless. It's a whole thing.

Unbeknownst to you, the cookie in the random puddle of blood is just a normal cookie. You notice that the blood is just a very creamy strawberry jam. It pairs well with the cookie.

In the distance, I put on my hat and walk away from the house. My dessert I was planning for a friendly forum picnic was ruined and now the cookie is in danger once again. Can't allow it to fall into the wrong hands.

Instead of merely teleporting away, I enter a portal to another dimension separate from our own. It's raining. Nearby, a talking pickle floats down into a drain. I laugh and put my hood up over my hat against the rain.

I walk through the random neighborhood towards a house that looks exactly like the one Dunsparce and Senpai are standing in. I sit down in a chair in the living room and drop the cookie into a jar filled with cookies that look exactly like the one we've all been hunting after.

The jar glows faintly.

My cookies.

 

[Firedemon]

FD holds his head for a moment.

"Motherfucker."

"Aw man, not another chaos deity," says TC, covering his testicles. "Hey Firedemon, do you want to form an alliance to go try to take the cookie back? I don't think Req will be too much trouble for the both of us."

"Well, I guess, but aren't we going to have to deal with that chaos deity too? We had like fleets and lasers and other stuff last time, how are we gonna do this now? I think Dunsparce is giving some exposition that opens us up to having crazy super powers, but I don't want to let Dunsparce be right about something."

 

[Colonel Thunder]

"We all have powers now?" exclaims TC. "Ha, I bet I have thunder powers then!"

"No, Dunsparce has thunder powers," says FD. "You literally just saw that."

"Thunder powers, activate!" shouts TC as he clenches his fists and concentrates hard.

A few seconds later, he shits his pants.

"Aw, not again!"

 

[Firedemon]

"Okay, I have a better idea. Instead of Dunsparce's backstory we'll just do this."

FD steps back from TC and puts his hands out to either side. FD slowly lifts off the ground and into the air, beginning to glow a faint red. FD does some other overly dramatic things, because why the hell not, then large pieces of armor materialize in the air and fly onto his body, piece by piece, until finally a massive hammer lands into his right hand. FD slowly touches back down to the ground.

"Oh, you're Reinhardt!"

"In hindsight, yes, I do look a hell of a lot like Reinhardt. Good thing this came first, so Blizzard can't sue me. But no, Dunderpaw, I'm not Reinhardt! I'm The Overlord. We can totally use our War RP personas to have crazy super powers!"

 

[Colonel Thunder]

"Oh, awesome!" says TC. "In that case, I'll get all the powers of Colonel Thunder from the War RP!"

TC puts his hands out and nothing happens.

"Oh, right. Colonel Thunder is just a human. Damn."

 

[Colonel Thunder]

"Firedemon, you want to go get the cookie or what?"

 

[Firedemon]

FD continues staring blankly at nothing for a few more moments, before snapping back to reality as if nothing had happened.

"Huh, what? Yeah, I guess we can do this even though you're useless. Maybe there will be some technology for you to break or something?"

FD extends his free hand out to the side and clenches his fist. As he does this, the space ahead of his hand appears to tear away and flow into the gauntlet, leaving a two-dimensional black void big enough for a person to fit through.

"I think Req is through here, but I might be totally wrong. You should go through and check."

 

[Colonel Thunder]

"Got it!" says TC as he jumps into the void. "This better not be a rickroll.."

 

[Requiem]

There on the ground, TC sees a small pickle rolling on the ground in a wash of rain towards a drain, the same pickle Req was currently watching.

From a distance, he knew that TC was watching him. He had walked into the house knowing a portal opened behind him. He didn't mind if TC or anyone followed for that matter. That was what the game was after all. When he sat down in his chair and dropped the cookie off into The Cookie Jar, he smiled.

He waited for TC to follow him into the house... or make some other move of his own.

 

[Colonel Thunder]

TC attempts to walk into the house, hoping to ask Req if he has some pants he can borrow.

 

[Requiem]

"Thunderclaw! So good to see you! I'm happy you're here. Welcome to... a house. That I'm currently inside. I think I own it, what with the glowing Jar of Cookies I've collected. Going from dimension to dimension screws with your memory though, so it's possible I'm squatting right now. Not sure.

So, what can I do for you besides give you control of the cookie? Or cookies, as it turns out. Either way, we know how the game is played and I got tired of saying 'I teleport away with the cookie' so many times.

So what happens now?"

 

[Colonel Thunder]

"Well, I am hoping to get the Cookie," says TC. "But...mostly I was wondering if you had a pair of pants I could borrow. Mine are...I pooped in them."

 

[Requiem]

"I could make you a pair of pants better than the ones you had, but Jesus, you really are the Jerry-est one of us all."

Req summons a pair of pants through a portal for TC to wear and tosses it to him.

"Now stop shitting yourself, holy crap."

 

[Firedemon]

"Hm, no screams of agony have manifested through the portal. Guess that's good? But awfully disappointing."

FD steps through the portal, which closes behind him. "Well, TC might have wandered off, but I think for the sake of the plot he's just in this house directly in front of me."

FD takes a step and is immediately met by the squish of stepping in human feces. "AND he shit himself..."

 

[Tirin]

Tirin frowns after Req simply teleports away after his smug gloating, cursing to himself and waiting a few moments before following the other forumer's timeline signature. He traces it to a vastly different universe and wrinkles his nose in disgust upon emerging behind a house through a shimmering teal portal. "Ugh... local guy sucks, this place is torn to shit." The deity notes, sensing distortions of various sizes throughout the fabric of local spacetime. One - more accurately, a great number of them - in particular, disturbs him.

The slight shimmering of the jar of Cookies (save one) suddenly disappears at the same moment the back wall of the room TC and Req are in explodes inward, showering them with debris and giving them more than a few superficial cuts. Only a teal glint is visible through the cloud of dust, which quickly resolves into a furious Tirin, whose hand is keeping a painfully tight grip on Req's shoulder, shaking while doing so. "What the hell is wrong with you? You coulda killed... everyone, you asshole!"

 

[Requiem]

"It's the get the cookie game, not a real RP, let's take it down a notch, hoss."

Req shakes his head and walks off with TC who is struggling to put on his pants and walk at the same time.

"So, about that jar of cookies." Req snaps his fingers and a jar of cookies appears in his outstretched hand. "Go switch the one Tirin has out for this one. Come on, it'll be fun!"

 

[Tirin]

"Jeez, Req, take all the dramatic tension out of it, why don't you? Games are supposed to have a sense of winning or losing and challenge 'n' shit like that. Fuckin' jag." Tirin rolls his eyes and walks out through the huge hole he made in the room while cradling the jar containing a single Cookie, watching the countless particles of the destroyed wall reassemble themselves through his power after he does so.

The deity proceeds to walk over to the street before the house, greeting Firedemon with a wave. "'sup, nerd? No capital-c Cookies here, other than the one in this jar. If you wanna try to take it - hey, it's your funeral, chump. I just scattered a few dozen all over the place, don't want too many of 'em too close together. Just kind of an instinctive sense that having too many infinite power sources in close proximity is a bad idea, y'know?" He shuts his eyes and takes another moment to feel everything out, shuddering. "Probably the reason it's so fucked here in the first place. If I were you, I'd bail."

 

[Colonel Thunder]

"W-wait, Tirin!" says TC as he stumbles out of the house, pants barely secure around his waste. "I think Req's being weird too! And...I don't know why everyone is getting weird powers all of a sudden. I tried to get powers but didn't get anything.....do you, um, have any advice on how to get powers and stuff?"

 

[Tirin]

"W-wait, Tirin!" says TC as he stumbles out of the house, pants barely secure around his waste.

"Heh. I like that double entendre, really showing some self-awareness." Tirin mumbles to himself, turning to look TC very pointedly in the eye so as not to get an eyeful (perhaps more accurately, eye-empty) if his pants fall. After a moment's thought, he answers.

"But no, not really. Seems you either have something happen to you to do it, conveniently decide you have them depending on the thread, get 'em written into forum lore by somebody else... or just have 'em forever, like I have. Of course, there's a limit to that even with the oldest forumers - I didn't start out with access to everything I've got, it just came naturally through enough time thinking about it and enough characterization of my abilities. In the old days Easy wasn't nearly as badass, either. An' I doubt reality, or people in general, are gonna tolerate some crazy godmode magic shit without precedent. Certainly I won't, not letting causality shit the bed is practically my day job. Then again... this is Get the Cookie. You do what you gotta, I can clean up the mess."

 

[Firedemon]

"Well, I would normally bail, but... I kinda just reacquired the power of one of the most powerful entities to ever enter forum lore."

FD turns to face the fourth wall.

"I would have gotten to that eventually if I finished the War stories, but I caught a Shizno Transmitted Disease and didn't feel like finishing."

FD turns back to the shit around him.

"I still have that STD though and I don't really feel like typing up something interesting to take back the cookie from a god damn time lord. So I'll just chill here for a bit."