[Literature] Legends of the Great War

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
"The war was the greatest conflict ever to happen on this planet," says the old man quietly. "And so, it awoke a terror from the depths. A being like us emerged at this time, perhaps from some distant time or place. Not quite human...and treacherous as the devil himself."

A cold breeze prompts the boy to inch closer.

"I speak of course," whispers the old man. "Of General @Tirin , leader of the Teal Order."

"If he was so important, how come I never heard about him in school?" asks the grandson.

"Perhaps history was wise to hide his deeds," says the old man. "He was the most terrifying force in the entire war."

Clips begin to play of men running for their lives only to be killed in an instant by blades and bullets. Lightning flashes as a lone survivor crawls towards safety, only to travel through time and instantaneously find himself impaled on a teal blade several feet away, held by a looming figure.

"When Tirin was discovered, he killed all who sought to restrain him," says the old man. "It is said that SneakDeath himself managed to convince Tirin to work as a mercenary general. He said that it would provide Tirin the most blood, the most glory, and that the war would worship him. Tirin liked the idea."

"So he went with the highest bidder?" asks the grandson.

"Yes, though it wasn't as high as he had expected," says the old man. "Most nations balked at the idea of a being that could manipulate time. In the end, a small insignificant nation offered their entire wealth and army to Tirin, knowing that only if this legend was true and on their side could they win the war."

"Wait, so what exactly were his powers?" asks the grandson.

"They're mostly legend," admits the grandson. "But to some degree, Tirin could manipulate time. Mostly just for himself, but to a lesser degree for his troops. His army could move at incredible speed, or at least that's what it seemed like up until they slaughtered you."

"That sounds kinda made up," says the grandson.

"I'm sure his powers were exaggerated," says the old man. "Most generals conducted their affairs far from the front, but Tirin fought out in the open, and is said to have personally shed as much blood as half his army. Whether those numbers are true or not, this I can say with certainty; the only thing Tirin's troops feared more than pain and death was disappointing their general."

The grandson looks at his phone.

"Perhaps there was no timey-wimey garbage, and the fear of the general's wrath was all that drove his men to such lengths," shrugs the old man. "But I don't believe that. The few survivors didn't, that's for sure."

"So how come he's not still kicking ass?" asks the grandson.

"The leadership of the nation that hired him feared Tirin," says the old man. "They believed that he would kill them in a quest for power and take over the country, and so they tried to kill him first."

The old man pauses.

"It didn't work," says the old man. "When Tirin left the smoking crater of their capitol city, he formed the Teal Order - a force comprised of Tirin loyalists and any who believed that the strongest should reign supreme. With a larger, stronger army, Tirin sought to conquer the Earth."

"Did he die?" asks the grandson.

"No," says the old man. "But the world nearly did."

Clips begin to play of Ryan Jerth in a large hall, pleading with diplomats from every nation to unite and fight the Teal Order. None of them dare to openly declare war against Tirin, and some begin talking of surrender.

Ryan shakes his head in dismay and begins to walk away, but one lone man walks forward and grabs him by the shoulder. Ryan turns around and smiles.

"There's only one person that Tirin underestimated," grins the old man. "Rock, the Polish Fist."
---
This one's about @Tirin !

One more war story, then a conclusion!
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
Chuck Maretocks gets off his horse and inspects the land. It is burnt, flat, and completely barren.

"Commander Kaidart must have been through here," says Maretocks. "No cover or resources left to speak of."

"What do we do now sir?" asks Xand Dunce.

"Who're you again?" asks Maretocks. "I don't recognize you from Australia.."

"Oh, I'm Xand Dunce. I was exiled from my homeland for being really antagonistic," says Xand Dunce. "That's kinda like being a criminal, so I thought I'd join your forces."

"Uh huh," mumbles Maretocks. "Tell you what, Dunce-guy. How about you go sit in that hole over there and...guard it. Antagonize anyone who walks by."

Xand grumbles as he walks away and squats in a hole.

"Sir!" says Maretocks' trusted lieutenant. "I've received word that there are multiple armies moving in on this position!"

"That's ridiculous," laughs Maretocks. "Only one army is stupid enough to try fighting Australians on empty land like this, and they're already here."

Maretocks cups his hands and shouts, "Aren't you, fucking Germans!"

The German army throws off the ash-colored cloaks that were camouflaging them in unison. They stand not a hundred yards from Maretocks' Australian forces.

"Zis vill be your grave, prisoner scum!" shouts Captain Zapy from atop his war machine. "Mine tanks vill roll over your silly ranks!"

"You're gonna look awful silly when I put that spiked helmet up your arse!" shouts Maretocks. "Men, prepare to-"

War drums echo in the distance, as do shouts of valor.

"Sir," says Maretocks' lieutenant. "The presence of the Polish army has been confirmed. They brought the Fist with them!"

"And are those drums what I think they are?" asks Maretocks.

"Yes sir," says the lieutenant. "The Teal Order is going to meet the Poles at this location."

"It'll be a slaughter," whispers Maretocks, turning white. "Lieutenant, if we stay here you're not going to survive to tell your great-grandson about your time in the war. Get the men to move out!"

"Move out!" shouts the old man (as a young man). "Retreat, get out of this deathtrap!"

"Hey! Vare are you going!?" shouts Zapy as the Australian forces retreat. "Ve vere taunting and going to battle! I'm ze one you should feah, not zum...teal...menace..."

Zapy's anger turns to fear as dark clouds gather and the armies draw near.

War had come.

-------
Prelude to the Great Battle starring @Maretocks @Dunsparce and @Zapy97
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
"Maretocks and I watched from a hill miles away," says the old man. "Maretocks couldn't stomach the whole thing and left before it was over. I believe it was then that he lost his spirit for war."

"Did the armies fight at a distance, or did they get close first?" asks the grandson.

"The armies drew close. Deadly close," says the old man. "Neither dared to fire the first shot, and all was silent. Then, General Tirin himself walked into No Man's Land between the two armies. His pace was equaled by Rock, who led the Poles and met him there."

The grandson is quiet.

"There was never a more tense moment in history," says the old man. "The generals talked for some time, and it seemed they were about to draw swords. Instead, they drew bottles of booze and got shitfaced, in the middle of the goddamn war zone."

"You're making this up," says the grandson.

"I am not," says the old man, with enough conviction to convince his descendant. "These mighty men got drunk like old friends while their respective armies became itchy-fingered and confused. I believe that Rock was half-way through convincing Tirin not to destroy the planet, but there were no witnesses close enough to hear what they said."

"So they just agreed to be friends?" asks the grandson. "That's a pretty gay ending. Oh, wait I bet the Germans ruined it!"

"Don't worry, pretty much everyone died," says the old man. "But not because of a German.."

----------------------------------
"Hey boys! I brought some snacks!" says Nurse Dunder, excitedly bringing a tray of baked goods to a German artillery unit. "We're out of supplies, so these are just bullet casings baked in flour and clean-ish dirt."

"You are ze wurst!" shouts Zapy, who was trying not to be noticed by the two larger armies. "Ze wurst cook, and ze wurst nurse! I sot I exiled you vrom mine army, you witch!"

"Haha, when you say 'worst' like that it's kind of a pun!" giggles Nurse Dunder.

Several Germans groan and one soldier shoots himself in the head.

"C'mon, these cookies aren't bad!" says Nurse Dunder, taking a step towards Zapy. "Once you get past the gag reflex, they-whoops!"

Nurse Dunder trips on one of Zapy's toy tanks and lands on the base of an artillery cannon. The cannon fires, and the artillery shell lands in the middle of the Teal Order, injuring several men.

"Vat have you don!" shouts Zapy in dismay.

"Sorry, sorry!" says Nurse Dunder. "Don't worry, I'll fix it!"

Nurse Dunder purposely trips on top of another artillery cannon, which fires at the Polish army and wounds them as well.

"There, now everything's even!" says Nurse Dunder proudly. "Now, anybody want a cookie? I can also tell jokes!"

The Germans scramble for non-existent cover as the Poles and Teal Order converge on their location, killing them swiftly.

--------
"When my forces kill the last German there, they'll take the fight to your ranks," says Tirin, putting down the drink Rock gave him. "I hope you and your men will die bravely, not cowering like these other nations have."

"Shame it had to end this way," says Rock, putting down the drink Tirin gave him. "You're an interesting man. I hate to kill you."

"Ha!" bellows Tirin.."You are the first to make such a foolish statement to my face. I will return you to the dust you are."

------------

"Any they fought, and they fought, and they fought..." says the old man, his eyes livid. "Tirin could move through time, but Rock was no sucker. He wisely kept his distance, only striking when he knew it wouldn't be a fatal error. Rock swung the ruins of German tanks at his opponent, and used their iron hides to shield himself from the worst of Tirin's blows."

The young boy is transfixed on his great-grandpa.

"The Polish army and Teal Order redefined warfare in their mutual reckoning," says the old man. "There was not enough ash on that barren field to absorb the blood they spilled. As their ranks depleted each other, the two leaders fought harder and more violently. But Tirin, he was empowered by the violence around him and drew in energy that Rock could not. Rock, while strong was only mortal. He knew that a prolonged battle would be his death. He needed to land a decisive blow."

"Then what!?" asks the grandson.


------
"Tirin!" shouts Rock while a hurricane of war surrounds him. "Enough of this mad dance! Meet my greatest blow with yours, and dare to survive it!"

"I should kill you with ease, mortal!" grins Tirin. "When you draw close so foolishly for your attack of desperation, I could put my blades through your fragile body. But because you have amused me today, I will grant you the death you request!"

-----
"Rock launched himself into the air and barreled towards Tirin with tremendous speed," says the old man. "His fists glowed with whatever force they were imbued with, and he collided into the mad general who unleashed a hellish energy of his own."

"And then!?" shouts the grandson.

"I don't know," admits the old man. "I was miles away, but the blow they struck each other created a wave of energy that threw me from my post, knocked me out cold. When I climbed back up the hill to see what happened, everyone was gone save Tirin."


"So he won in the end," frowns the young boy.

"But it was a Pyrrhic victory," says the old man. "Tirin shouted Rock's name and searched for him, but all that surrounded him was the corpses of every Pole, German, and Teal that had stepped foot in that hellish pit. Evidently, Tirin was knocked out by the blast. When he came too, Rock was nowhere to be found. Tirin was not so sure that he had erased Rock from existence. He believed he was still out there, and had just slunk away to lick his grievous wounds. But Rock was never heard from again. Whether he died from Tirin's blow, or limped away and started a family nobody knows."

"What did Tirin do?" asks the young boy.

"His entire army was destroyed, and he was unable to find a worthy opponent aside from Rock," says the old man. "He scoured the earth for signs of his sole friend and enemy, but didn't find him. When the rest of the war ended, Tirin disappeared too. Perhaps to return to whatever realm he came from. I'm sure he'll emerge one day soon, if Rock or any of his descendants surface."

"...then what?" asks the grandson.

"The war wrapped up shortly after that," says the old man. "No nation achieved what they wanted, but the Great Battle convinced everyone the war had to end lest the planet be destroyed entirely. The Germans were faulted for employing Nurse Dunder who caused the Great Battle, and so they were punished heavily in the treaty that ended the war. Everything else is boring paperwork."
----
One post left!
 

Easy

Right Honorable Justice
Member
Goddamn, knocking it all out at once are you?

I'm actually impressed. Good job, TC!

Guess I might have to pick back up on The Road to Free Roller, after all...
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
"Wow," says the grandson, looking at his phone.

"Thank you for listening to the tales of my youth," says the old man. "Perhaps one day, you'll shoot the shit with the descendants of those heroes."

"That was a powerful story," says the grandson. "That you just made up!"

"Eh?" says the old man.

"I've been googling all this stuff on my phone," says the grandson. "And everything you've told me was made up! Only a few of these people are real! Almost none of these things actually happened! I can't believe you wasted my entire afternoon when I could have been playing video games! You old piece of shit!"

The old man grabs his great-grandson by his underpants and yanks him into the air.

"Okay so maybe I made most of that shit up!" says the old man. "But you better respect my old ass' right to make shit up, I did still fight in the damn war for little shits like you!"

"Ow! Put me down, you jag!" says the grandson.

"A jag?" laughs the grandpa. "I haven't been called that in a long time!"

The old man drops his great-grandson in the well nearby the house.

"Hey, let me out! It's full of spiders in here!" shouts the young boy.

The old man reluctantly tosses a rope into the well.

"Hurry up and climb out of there, @AndyM03 !" laughs Andy's great-grandpa. "C'mon now, I'll get Grandma to make us some grub!"

Andy grumbles as he begins to climb out of the well. Andy Sr. whistles as he walks into his house, past his wife, and into his private office. There are several relics form the war here.

Andy Sr. places the scrapbook down on his desk and turns to the final page that he had hidden.

On this final page, there's a picture of Andy Sr. and his fellow international special forces squadmates. He stares at the picture for some time.

There was no Fire Demon who burned half of Europe. But here in the picture there was his real friend, Corporal Kaidart. Instead of smiling at the camera like Mr. Spleen asked him to, he was farting on a lighter to create a flame that scared Secretary Thunder. She dropped several papers and bumped into Cadet Zander, who accidentally spilled a drink on the team's pilot, Anne Atron.

The picture didn't capture this, but Andy Sr. laughed remembering that Anne turned around and punched Zander in the face after the picture was taken.

Unstoppable infantrymen Rock and Tirin crashed glasses full of ale together for the picture. Despite the glasses shattering, they were still able to catch all the drink in their mouths before it hit the ground. This was one of the few pictures where they weren't being punks to each other.

Null could be barely seen in the background of the photo, cleaning his sniper rifle while Maretocks talked his ear off. At their side was Riyant, who was proudly bragging to Stealthkill Sr. about his team's accomplishments and why they should be funded further.

In the very back, cranky cook Tagaro was making more food that the team would enjoy but surely make fun of regardless. He was barking orders to his kitchen assistant, a little German kid named Zapy.

Lastly, on the far right was Andy Sr. pointing to his fellow squadmates in the picture, giving them finger guns. He had wished that night would never end.

"I miss you guys," says Andy Sr. with tears in his eyes. He slowly closes the scrapbook and places it back on the shelf.

"Fucking jags."

Andy Sr. smiles and wipes his eyes, then joins his wife and great-grandson for supper.
 

Tirin

God-Emperor of Tealkind
Moderator
I certainly liked it, and it mighta given me an idea for a little writing project of my own.

My one regret is not being able to say "The blame for World War 2 lies on Easy, Riyant, Stealthy, and TC; I did nothing wrong".
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
We don't know what our forefathers did in that special forces squad. Tirin you were the only one there that's still alive, so maybe we did cause WW2 due to other bullshit.
 

Easy

Right Honorable Justice
Member
Tirin did it.
 
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