Mach Plays Diplomacy

Steal Thy Kill

Well-Known Member
Sorry boys

Note: Coolpool attempted the same maneuver as last time. Belgium supporting Kiel into Holland, however Rondait's attack on Belgium once again cut support. And this time Rondait had sufficient support to oust him.

Okay so 4 retreats.

@coolpool2 you can retreat to Picardy or disband
@Colonel Thunder you can retreat to Ruhr, Tyrolia, Bohemia, or disband.
@Tirin you can retreat to Rumania or disband
@Jeroth you can retreat to Rumania or Constantinople or disband

Following this up with a new procedure. So if you ever play face to face, retreat orders are supposed to be instantaneous without discussion. Obviously online play doesn't make that feasible, but the reason for that is if two units retreat to the same place they both disband. Up until now that hasn't mattered, but this turn it is possible in thinking out scenarios for this turn I realized it was possible. To try to preserve the same circumstance, from now on please send in your retreat order as soon as you read the update (or as soon as you feasibly can).

Apologies for the wait.

Steal Thy Kill

Well-Known Member

Hey guys, look, Jeroth didn't fuck him and Tirin over by retreating to Rumania! Glad that suspense is over with.

Orders due by the end of Wednesday Night

Gonna be do or die for some of you. Good luck.

Steal Thy Kill

Well-Known Member

Fall 1906

Austria Hungary and Germany both attempted to invade Belgium. Both failed due to lack of support and France opting to hold. The Russian fleet in the Baltic is supporting Berlin into Kiel, not a hold (a hold would be the dotted octagon you usually see). The four units fighting in Italy had a wonderful circle where they cut support with each other (Rome supported Tys into Naples, but Naples supported Apulia into Rome), everything was a 1v1 and bounced.

And, uh... I think that covers it all.

And so, with a double KO year, we're down to 4. Builds are as follows.

@Tirin, Russia had a net gain of 3 supply centers this turn (+Vie, +Rum, +Kie, +Mun, -Bud), and at 9/12 you can build three.
@Rondait, France gained 1 supply center this turn (+Bel), and at 9/10 you can build a unit in Marseilles.
@Jeroth, Turkey has a net gain of 1 supply center this turn (+Gre, +Bud, -Rum), and at 6/7 you can build one unit.
@Easy, Italy lost 2 supply centers (-Vie, -Gre), and at 6/5 you must disband one unit.

Please get builds in by the end of Thursday Night.

Steal Thy Kill

Well-Known Member
Spring 1907

Welcome to the Final Four boys. A bit back I talked about the end of Phase 1, where the first lines are drawn and the first losers knocked out. Phase 2 is murky in terms of ending, as sometimes the game simply ends there, but we're clearly at that point in the north. The south, unsurprisingly, is still lagging (it's simply a bigger battlefield than the partitioning of Germany), but the winds are blowing. Happy hunting, all. Let's see what you got.

Orders are due by the end of Saturday Night
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Steal Thy Kill

Well-Known Member
Spring 1907

Now, if we look to Italy, we can see everybody in the vicinity doing the same damn thing they did last time. And just like last time, nothing was accomplished. See kids, this is what happens when you order drunk. That said, Italy continues to be chased back to the peninsula as forces continue to converge on him. And in Northern Europe you see a whole lot of nothing happening, but they did a few things so that maybe one of them will do something next turn, but they probably still won't.

Bigger map with the return of names. Should help with drunk ordering.

Orders due by the end of Wednesday Night

Steal Thy Kill

Well-Known Member
Fall 1907

Turkey used the same exact maneuver to try and take Naples, but this time it worked! And it had nowhere to run so it's also destroyed! And Russia may be using a lot of support actions to kick France out of the North sea, but France was kind enough to just run to the Channel ahead of time (the arrows overlap because of course they do). What does this mean? It means no retreat orders! Yay for no retreat orders.

So now we build once more.

@Tirin, Russia shuffled things a bit (+Tri, +Bud, -Rum), but that puts you at 12/13 with one build.
@Rondait, France stole Tunis this turn, so at 10/11 you get one build in Paris or Brest.
@Jeroth, Turkey has a net gain of two (+Nap, +Ser, +Rum, -Bud), so at 7/9 you get two builds.
@Easy.... well just tell me which unit you want to keep.

Let's get this all in by the end of tomorrow (Thursday) night

Steal Thy Kill

Well-Known Member
Spring 1908

While a mass hold is the default option of no moves are received (not that this has ever been a worry), Turkey's mass hold was ordered as such. Everything else is straightforward.

Got Easy's retreat orders right away, and he opted to accept the inevitable rather than retreat to Tuscany or Naples.

Technically Italy isn't eliminated, since if Russia decides to vacate Venice this turn a unit can respawn there, but I don't see that happening.

Orders due Wednesday Night.

Since I know it's been discussed, if the remaining players wish to declare a draw, each player has to message me individually saying so. And before you ask, if you declare a draw now Italy will technically be a survivor and participant.

Steal Thy Kill

Well-Known Member
Fall 1908

Full size because why not. As you can see here, two of the three players were ready to declare a draw. The other is making an example of why you never let your guard down until the end of the game.

Speaking of which... Russia owned 13 supply centers this turn, and then gained six (Venice, Holland, York, Edinburgh, Serbia, and Rumania), putting him at 19, which gives him a victory and room to spare.

Congratulations @Tirin on the solo win, and off a backstab no less.

Full post mortem later, but this was a fun game to run, hope you all enjoyed it. Sorry for a lot of the delays some nights, was feeling like shit for a while there but hey we made it.

Final Standings:

Russia (@Tirin): Victory (19)
France (@Rondait): Survived (8)
Turkey (@Jeroth): Survived (7)
Italy (@Easy): Eliminated
Germany (@coolpool2): Eliminated
Austria-Hungary (@Colonel Thunder): Eliminated
England (@Milamber): Eliminated


God-Emperor of Tealkind
I stand alone in the fields of Europe, awash with the blood of my enemies and allies both. I bring with me destruction, but also ancient wisdom brought from the far eastern corners of my empire - the Tsar's strength is not limited to conquering the west.

"Hence to fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
"Good morning, your Excellency," said the ex-Sultan.

The heavy door to the Tsar's office closed behind him with a resounding thud.

"I thought I'd give you one more report before I return to my people," he said.

The Tsar studied a table-map of Europe with a rare somber expression. There were no more civilized worlds to conquer.

"You must go where you will be of most use, of course," agreed the Teal Tsar. "Get on with it."

Governor Jeroth smiled and approached the Tsar with a bundle of papers. Once he crossed an unmarked threshold, the Moscow guards drew their weapons.

Jeroth stopped dead in his tracks. The Tsar chuckled and casually waved them away. The guards drew back, and Jeroth carefully placed the papers in front of the Tsar.

"These documents confirm what I say," said Governor Jeroth. "I thought you'd appreciate my summary, given your schedule."

The Tsar was silent.

Governor Jeroth gulped.

"General Renaud de Thom and Lord Lamber have accepted your terms," reported Governor Jeroth. "They have began preparations for the coup, and have already began sending you tribute. I expect them to secure the Presidency within the year."

"Good," said the Tsar, moving a few pieces on his map. "Smart men. Foreign bureaucrats often don't pledge loyalty to me until it's too late."

"Unfortunate for them," smiled Jeroth. He knew he was most trusted of the Tsar's former opponents. Still, he slept with one eye open during these summons in Moscow.

"Tell Renaud his people will keep their homes so long as he acts as my faithful puppet," said the Tsar.

Governor Jeroth nodded, and wrote some notes.

"Governess Blooky is sending lower tribute from the former Ottoman regions," said Jeroth carefully.

The Tsar glared at Jeroth.

"There are reports of Italian guerrilla fighters harassing patrols and traders in that area," said Jeroth. "They seem to specifically be targeting caravans heading to Moscow."

"Pietro," growled the Tsar, grabbing the lone Italian piece on his map and squeezing it.

"Pietro has not yet been captured," admitted Jeroth. "However, Governess Blooky believes he will be caught soon. It's simply a matter of following the path of Czech bodies."

The Tsar opened his hand and dropped a pile of splinters onto the map.

A clock on the wall struck one. When the mighty bells of Moscow ceased ringing, the Tsar pushed Governor Jeroth aside and strode out of his office.

"Your Excellency," said Jeroth, following at a respectable distance. "You were going to have Public Appeal lessons with Liebwasser at one. Shall I reschedule your meeting?"

"Tell the 'beloved Kaisar' I will be attending, late," said the Tsar. "I have an odd craving."

Governor Jeroth shuddered. Only Governess Blooky was said to have stranger taste in...delights. Still, he was satisfied the Tsar would take likability lessons from Liebwasser. They were desperately needed, and Liebwasser's continued role in public service helped cement Germany's stability.

Soon Governor Jeroth was escorted to the car loaned him. Two Turkish servants greeted him nervously, and their journey to the troubles at home began. Being the first nation to come to terms with Russia was not a popular decision after their betrayal, but Governor Jeroth knew he made the right call. His people were at least not starving, and retained relative autonomy. Those slower to embrace the Teal Vision were much worse-off.

"This is a new car," observed Jeroth as he climbed into the back. As they drove, he noticed a few of the same model driving around the Moscow palace. "So the Tsar has begun importing American vehicles. So much for keeping his diplomatic adviser informed."

Governor Jeroth rubbed his temples.

"At least he and President Stealthy are opening trade," thought Jeroth. "I hope their relationship goes well. I don't wish to see another war in my lifetime."

The car drove on and Governor Jeroth continued to sigh deeply.


Meanwhile, the Teal Tsar made a rare appearance in front of a rarely seen cell deep in the Moscow dungeons.

"I am in need of your assistance," said the Tsar. "I am aware that you have skills many consider valuable. I will put them to use today."

"I keep telling you I'm ready to be useful!" smiled the Archduke. Shackles clinked as he excitedly moved his weakening arms. Captivity had not been kind to his health or appearance. "Been ready for months! And boy, are you going to be glad you let me be Archduke again! I'm very beloved, and really good at this politics stuff. You won't be sorry, you 'ol Teal bastard!"

"Release him," said the Tsar.

A guard moved forward and undid shackles. The Archduke's sole cellmate, the gyromaker expressed wordless thanks.

"Follow me," said the Tsar, walking away. "I'm getting hungrier by the minute."

"H-hey wait!" cried the Archduke, as the gyromaker carefully followed his new master. "I can make food too! A-and I can tell jokes! Russia still has court jesters right?"

The echo of footsteps grew fainter.

"Okay, I got one!" said the Archduke. "How many Russians does it take to light a candle? Wait, uh wrong crowd for that one. Okay um, why did the Italian...guys? Hey! Guys?"

The prison guard sighed and rubbed his temples. Truly, he was subjected to the worse torture.


Right Honorable Justice
I stand alone in the fields of Europe, awash with the blood of my enemies and allies both. I bring with me destruction, but also ancient wisdom brought from the far eastern corners of my empire - the Tsar's strength is not limited to conquering the west.

"Hence to fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."
Uh. Pretty sure Sun-Tzu wasn't a really shitty person to have an alliance with.


God-Emperor of Tealkind
Bruh, the Art of War has an entire chapter on the use of espionage and deceit in warfare, and Sun Tzu was well-known to be an opportunistic dude in the context of war. I don't think he'd give a singular fuck about my Diplomacy moves and he might even approve of the relative ease with which I won owing to my mastery of deception and also last-minute drunken decisions.

Also Sun Tzu was probably an awful person to have an alliance with on account of being a general in the employ of a king rather than a feudal lord in his own right.
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