As a reminder to @coolpool2, as the Defense you are free to object to any line of questioning improper to the evaluation of the charges currently being addressed. "Objection: Relevance," to give one example.
Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, answering all relevant questions posed by either attorney fully and accurately, to the best of your ability, no matter how tangential the relevance and however self-incriminating the answer may be, or else accept, before all forumers previous, future, and current, that your own worth is no greater than that of a gay-ass, baby-ass, stupid-ass, worthless-ass Czech pride stinking bitch?
The court is advised that failure to answer this query in the affirmative does not preclude witnesses from testifying or attorneys from operating. Failure to answer the presiding Justice's direct address, however, does, until such time as a worthy answer has been provided.
Delightful. To begin:
1) As Coolpool's campaign manager (or the closest thing he has to one), what prompted you to start his campaign thread?
2) Are you, or are you not, of the opinion that Coolpool is cute?
3) Do you, or do you not, recognize the fact that Coolpool's attempts to assert that he is not cute only make him cuter?
1) If it please the Court, I will decline to answer this for now. I fail to see the relevance of questions relating to the Coolpool Mayoral Bid, or at least the relevance to any legitimate pursuit of justice in this case. As such, I will not answer them until the defense has a proper chance to make an objection, should they so choose.
2) I am absolutely of this opinion.
3) I'd like it to be noted by the Court that this question is obviously leading. It contains an un-established assertion (that Coolpool's attempts to deny his cuteness in turn make him more cute).
I recognize the fact that the defendant is of the opinion that he is not cute, and I am of the opinion that his denials are in fact cute, because of the consistent sincerity of them. I also recognize that Coolpool's denials of his cuteness are contrary to his intentions when making these denials, which further enhances the cuteness, and it's all rather integral to why I find these denials cute.
Your Honor, I dispute the claim that this is irrelevant, given that the entire purpose of this trial to begin with was to charge Coolpool with criminal cuteness pursuant to some nefarious (and in this case mayorally-related) intent.
Afraid there aren't really any grounds on which to throw it out. I found his behavior regarding the entire matter to be incredibly un-cute, though, so I'll take that as a sign of remorse(?) and let Coolpool off with a warning this time. Don't, uh. Don't act cute just to get people to do things for you, as you've apparently just admitted to having done.
(Also, maybe consider getting someone to be your lawyer if you don't feel like bothering with a case yourself.)
This CONCLUDES the case of Tirin v. Coolpool. Court will now adjourn, pending any future cases to be held.
Accusations may be submitted privately, through correspondence with the Justice, or publicly, in this thread.
(Given that the Court is a public institution, and does not operate in a secretive or exclusive manner, accusations may NOT be submitted anonymously.)
In light of the amount of time elapsed since its issue, as well as the upcoming election season, the restraining order requiring Forumer @Walrus to maintain a distance of no less than fifty feet from any and all government offices is hereby lifted (on a probationary basis, for now).