Continuous The Forum Court (Tirin v. Thunder: Concluded)
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Your Honor, hearing this case would be a miscarriage of justice and a dangerous precedent to set in this high court. Not only would it discourage cute behaviors and therefore effectively bar Coolpool from posting, it would also be the first splotch on our most pure forumer's record just ahead of the biggest write-in campaign in forum history.
I agree with Anatron's sentiment, and I trust the Justice will resolve this incident quickly, lest we discourage the only positive thing that has come out of this community.
The only way that simply hearing a case could, in itself, be a miscarriage of justice would be if the charges were outside of the Court's purview. Meanwhile, failing to hear a case that is within our jurisdiction, for which the evidence of infraction is both strong and accessible to the prosecution, would be a serious miscarriage of justice.
Much as I find it hard to believe that the Mod-Mayor here can find substantial evidence of nefarious intent or willful negligence with regard to the ramifications of his behavior on the part of Forumer Coolpool, it falls to me to at least give him a chance to present such a case. If at the end of the Argument phase he has still failed, (as expected), to meet a reasonable standard of evidence to support any civil or criminal charges, then I can simply dismiss the case without proceeding to Jury deliberation, as per the precedent set by Chickenspleen v. Maretocks (2016).
If not, or if he's managed to provide enough supporting evidence that a logical argument reasonably could be made that the charges are founded, then it falls to the Jury of Forumers in Good Standing* to decide whether it meets what they consider to be a reasonable standard of proof to pronounce him guilty. (Again, not likely, but let's hear what he has to say before deciding that.)
((Besides, just look at all these cases we've been trying here over the years. If you really think I'm gonna draw the line at criminal cuteness, especially for someone as outlandishly cute as Coolpool, then you clearly haven't been paying attention.))
*And qualifying Australians.
Much as I find it hard to believe that the Mod-Mayor here can find substantial evidence of nefarious intent or willful negligence with regard to the ramifications of his behavior on the part of Forumer Coolpool, it falls to me to at least give him a chance to present such a case. If at the end of the Argument phase he has still failed, (as expected), to meet a reasonable standard of evidence to support any civil or criminal charges, then I can simply dismiss the case without proceeding to Jury deliberation, as per the precedent set by Chickenspleen v. Maretocks (2016).
If not, or if he's managed to provide enough supporting evidence that a logical argument reasonably could be made that the charges are founded, then it falls to the Jury of Forumers in Good Standing* to decide whether it meets what they consider to be a reasonable standard of proof to pronounce him guilty. (Again, not likely, but let's hear what he has to say before deciding that.)
((Besides, just look at all these cases we've been trying here over the years. If you really think I'm gonna draw the line at criminal cuteness, especially for someone as outlandishly cute as Coolpool, then you clearly haven't been paying attention.))
*And qualifying Australians.
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That would be effectively charging him twice for the same crime, so no, but you can upgrade or downgrade the degree of a charge at any time during the Argument phase of the trial process, and the Jury can choose to find him Guilty or Not Guilty of any one of those or neither.
All right, now with all that said...
...
Hear ye, hear ye! Court is now in session.
The Right Honorable Justice Easy Rider will now preside over the case of @Tirin vs @coolpool2, concerning charges of Criminal Cuteness brought forth by Mod-Mayor @Tirin. The Court now calls on both parties to name Prosecution and Defense for their case or, otherwise, waive the right to a representative, and pursue the case themselves.
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@Tirin @coolpool2
Defense and Prosecution may now present opening statements. Each side, having done so, may then proceed to: call witnesses, present arguments, and/or submit any evidence for or against the charges, or any briefs and statements quoted from an outside party, for or against the charges presented.
This trial will continue until exactly one week has elapsed, or both sides have presented closing statements - whichever is shorter.
Proceed.
Defense and Prosecution may now present opening statements. Each side, having done so, may then proceed to: call witnesses, present arguments, and/or submit any evidence for or against the charges, or any briefs and statements quoted from an outside party, for or against the charges presented.
This trial will continue until exactly one week has elapsed, or both sides have presented closing statements - whichever is shorter.
Proceed.
Your Honor, good members of the jury - I think I speak for all of us when I say that Coolpool is cute. It's a bonafide fact that he's warmed our hearts over the years as one of the most consistently sweet people of Mach Entertainment - so, what brings this charge on? It is Coolpool's extremely nefarious and calculated bid for mayorship, in which he has sufficiently hyped himself to unprecedented levels of popularity based predominantly off of his own refusal to acknowledge himself as "cute". At the very least this is a dishonest strategy - but I submit that, more than dishonest, it is a series of self-interested and unlawful acts carefully chosen to ensure that he will become mayor. I would also like to point out that, clearly, Coolpool's campaign materials (read: his responses in his official campaign thread) make significant use of this deception to improve his adorable image - this is anything but unintentional.
You see this, people of Mach? Coolpool is completely ignoring my argument in favor of making an irrelevant assertion that does nothing but:
1) Prove that he is cute, and
2) Manipulate the thoughts and feelings of the people of Mach Entertainment.
Coolpool, I summon you as a witness.
1) Prove that he is cute, and
2) Manipulate the thoughts and feelings of the people of Mach Entertainment.
Coolpool, I summon you as a witness.
@coolpool2
Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, answering all relevant questions posed by either attorney fully and accurately, to the best of your ability, no matter how tangential the relevance and however self-incriminating the answer may be, or else accept, before all forumers previous, future, and current, that your own worth is no greater than that of a gay-ass, baby-ass, stupid-ass, worthless-ass Czech pride stinking bitch?
The court is advised that failure to answer this query in the affirmative does not preclude witnesses from testifying or attorneys from operating. Failure to answer the presiding Justice's direct address, however, does, until such time as a worthy answer has been provided.
Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, answering all relevant questions posed by either attorney fully and accurately, to the best of your ability, no matter how tangential the relevance and however self-incriminating the answer may be, or else accept, before all forumers previous, future, and current, that your own worth is no greater than that of a gay-ass, baby-ass, stupid-ass, worthless-ass Czech pride stinking bitch?
The court is advised that failure to answer this query in the affirmative does not preclude witnesses from testifying or attorneys from operating. Failure to answer the presiding Justice's direct address, however, does, until such time as a worthy answer has been provided.
I have several questions for Coolpool; I expect all of them to be answered owing to their relevance to the case.
1) Do you, or do you not, think you are cute?
2) If you do not think that you're cute, why do you disagree with so many forumers on this point (despite overwhelming evidence)?
3) Do you think that you would make a good forum mayor, worthy of our trust?
4) Do you intend to run? If your bid for mayor succeeds, how do you plan on responding?
1) Do you, or do you not, think you are cute?
2) If you do not think that you're cute, why do you disagree with so many forumers on this point (despite overwhelming evidence)?
3) Do you think that you would make a good forum mayor, worthy of our trust?
4) Do you intend to run? If your bid for mayor succeeds, how do you plan on responding?
You have not answered my questions. 2) Why do you disagree, and 4) what will you do if elected mayor, independent of whether or not you are "running"?
Coolpool, this still does not answer the question. Your answer amounts to "I disagree because I disagree" - and I'm sure, if nothing else, you could agree that that makes no sense. Please, take the time to answer this question more thoroughly.