Weird Dreams

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
Post your weird dreams here. Just...please don't describe them in such detail that I need to label this thread as NSFW.

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So, had a dream I was going to cute little ma and pa teahouse by my college (does not actually exist). The waitstaff are all cute girls, so I don't mind the otherwise lousy service.

I walked to the kitchen to return my dishes, and I ended up chatting with fat Russell Crowe who was the cook. We shot the breeze for a few minutes and got along well. He offered me a job there, but I declined since I didn't need the work. The conversation was cut short by a fleet of helicopters stalling over the restaurant.

Buncha helicopters outside were carrying a giant-ass trampoline with artillery cannons strapped to it. (Artillery goes farther when you bounce it I guess.) Fat Russell Crowe started yelling at some military guys outside the tea shop about how all the noise will scare away his customers. One of the soldiers aimed and fired his gun at Fat Russell Crowe.

Fat Russell Crowe got hit with a rope fired from the gun. It wrapped around his leg and the solider used a carabiner to strap him to the trampoline as the helicopters took off. Fat Russell Crowe got hauled into the air, dangling below the trampoline, which was itself below the helicopters now heading to the forest.

I thought about how weird this was, then I realized I was standing with one foot in the loop of a moving rope. A second later, I'm head over heels getting my sorry ass hauled off into the sky in the same manner as my obese friend.

Got a really good view of the valley from this angle for several minutes. Spent some time recording it on video and posting it on Facebook. (By the way, it is really hard to navigate dream-Facebook when you're flying upside through the air at insane speeds.)

We eventually landed at some ranger station deep into the forest. Some military dudes escorted FRC (who was somehow less upset) and I into the ranger station, where several of the top U.S. commanders were having an intense discussion.

The generals were talking about how Shego from Kim Possible is an outstanding feminist icon of the early 2000's, and that the Shego porn artists make does not properly reflect her ferocity and agency.

FRC joined the argument, stating that this issue needs to be a national priority.


At this point my willing suspension of disbelief broke so hard that I realized it was a dream and I woke up.
 

Requiem

Well-Known Member
Member
Are you saying you've looked up Shego porn before?

Because your brain doesn't let you dream something you haven't seen.
 

Dunsparce

Well-Known Member
Member
I visited my Mom last night. She gave me a drug called Ambien to help with my crippling insomnia. It worked great! I actually had a good night sleep for the first time in a while. But she neglected to tell me that Ambien can sometimes cause weird dreams. I've had some pretty surreal dreams before, but this was some straight up Yume Nikki shit.

I met the Demiurge of Gnostic myth, the imperfect creator of our imperfect universe. He was an orange face in an orange sky. He looked kinda like the neutral expression emoji, or Frisk without hair. He told me that he didn't understand the stories he was writing, he was just ripping off other people's stories, so any meaning that I though I saw in the world was just a coincidence.

Then he spawned a bunch of animate letters. Just these black lines that walked around like people. Some were from languages I didn't recognize. The last thing I remember was a bunch of letter "G"s with eyes and teeth chanting "Gee are dying, gee are dying." Like we, but with G, get it?

...

In the words of Daniel Tosh: "Do you ever have a nightmare, then decide to tell somebody about it, then about halfway through your explanation, realize you're retarded?"
 
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