[Literature] Fate: Cookie - Chapter 18: Pork and Ham

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
#42
Chapter 14: Please Hold

"Who dares summon the creator and destroyer of life!?" boomed a loud voice.

White-hot fire doused Dunsparce's ceiling. A massive creature made of living fire and covered in molten armor and chains appeared in the summoning circle.

"My allies fear me as much as my enemies," the creature growled to Dunsparce. "You are foolish to call me into this plane, puny mortal! For what purpose have you summoned the one called 'Fire Demon'!"

"There's a Cookie War going on," said Dunsparce, holding a fire extinguisher. "My name's Dunsparce. Berserker, I require your mighty powers to defeat my enemies."

"Oh," said the creature with a quieter voice. The flames mostly dissipated to reveal a stocky man made of calmly flickering living fire. "Well, why didn't you say so? That makes perfect sense."

Dunsparce sprayed his ceiling with the fire extinguisher until the flames were gone.

"Those flames weren't actually going to burn anything," said Fire Demon, annoyed. "They were just for show."

"You can create illusions too?" said Dunsparce. "I thought you were a mindless brute of unending destruction?"

"Ha!" laughed Fire Demon, and his fire grew for a moment. "Destruction is just the beginning of my legacy! I was a skilled chemist named Kaidart before I fused with a demonic creature and overtook it's mind. I promise you, I have the most diverse skill set of any Berserker out there!"

"Really?" asked Dunsparce. "None of that is in your Biography in the Cookie Series. You're a powerful hero, for sure. But you're just raw destructive power. Kind of a min-maxer. Good to know you're even better tha-"

"History did not note my greatest attributes!?" bellowed Fire Demon. This time, the heat was real. "Show me the records, immediately!"

Dunsparce went to his computer and opened the Cookie War game. He clicked 'Roster' to view the selection of heroes.

"Intelligence of 7!?" yelled Fire Demon. "I discovered the demonic plane and advanced medicine by generations! I did the former while drunk, too!"

"This is good," assured Dunsparce. "This means everyone will underestimate you. We can-"

"They mention the mackerel, right?" asked Fire Demon. "Or the prized chalice I stole from a foolish king? They can't of missed those."

"Little is known of Fire Demon's human life," Dunsparce read from the biography. "However, historians believe he was an abhorrently evil person who drew the attention and admiration of demonic entities. He-"

"I took two samples from the market, one time!" yelled Fire Demon. "How do I find the dead men who created these vile lies!?"

"What's important is that our enemies don't know you're so...diversely skilled," said Dunsparce. "Let's just focus on the War, and after that we can-"

"Ah, there's a 'Contact' section!" said Fire Demon, pushing Dunsparce out of the way. "Give me your device to contact them!"

Dunsparce opened his mouth to protest, but a tendril of flame reached from Fire Demon into Dunsparce's sweatshirt pocket and took his phone.

"This won't take long, mortal," said Fire Demon, placing the phone to his ear. "I'll win your War soon. But this! THIS! Is important!"

Dunsparce sighed and grabbed the fire extinguisher.
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
#43
Chapter 15: The Last Master

Headmaster Recon tapped his fingers nervously. The last time he sat at the Adventurer's Clubhouse table, Mael and Artist were with him.

"Not many friends left to lose," muttered Recon. "I won't let the War end that way again."

The doors to the clubhouse opened suddenly. A woman with short hair and dark robes entered, as well as a thin man with glasses and a civilian suit.

"Blooky, Druby," said Recon. "Please tell me good news."

"All six servants have been summoned," frowned Blooky.

Recon slammed his fist on the table.

"But," said Druby, setting a folder down next to Recon. "We confirmed the identities of all servants and masters."

"Were you spotted?" asked Recon as he studied the folder contents.

"No," said Druby. "Had a close call with Easy, though."

"Good," said Recon. "The Academy must play a neutral role, so we cannot interfere. But the strangeness of this War necessitates we act as a secret guiding force."

"These guys are all novice mages," said Blooky. "Before long, Stealthy will be calling the shots in this War. His interests largely align with our own, even if he is a cheating prick."

"Stealthy will help keep magedom a secret to civilians," said Druby. "But Dunsparce and Fire Demon are our wild cards. We'll need to monitor them closely."

"An expelled student, commanding a mindless demon of fire," said Recon as he read the report. "Fantastic."

"Have you found a replacement master for Kratour?" asked Blooky.

"Yes, thankfully," said Recon. "A former professor, Requiem, has volunteered. He has a very clean record. It will just take him a day to arrive."

"Req's good," said Druby. "If anyone, he'll be able to handle Assassin."

"Well you can tell him to cancel!" said an excited voice. Two men entered the clubhouse.

"TC!" yelled Recon. "You're supposed to be guarding the final catalyst!"

"I thought, why not use it instead?" smiled TC. "I figure you'd ask me to be Assassin's master sooner or later, so I thought I'd take the initiative!"

"Uh, TC?" asked Druby. "Th-"

"You can thank me later," interrupted TC. "Everyone, meet the world famous Assassin, Machiavelli!"

TC gestured to the man standing next to him. He waved.

"TC," sighed Druby. "That's not a servant. That's a man wearing a hot dog costume."

"Hey Jeb," waved Blooky.

"Hey Blooky," waved Jeb awkwardly.

"TC, that's a mascot for a food truck!" said Recon. "Why do you plague me with your foolishness?"

"No, this is a famous assassin," corrected TC. "Machiavelli."

"Machiavelli wasn't an assassin," said Druby.

"Uh, yeah he was," said TC. "I mean, he hung out with them all the time."

"Are you thinking of Machiavelli from the Assassins Creed series?" asked Blooky. "Because he was not an assassin in real life."

"Umm..," said TC, blushing.

"And what's with the hot dog suite?" asked Druby.

"Hot dogs are Italian," said TC. "Right?"

The group sighed.

"Blooky, please wipe that man's memory of seeing the Academy," said Recon calmly.

"Hey," said Jeb, turning to TC. "I'm still getting paid for this, right?"

"O-okay, so I couldn't figure out how to summon a hero for real," said TC. "I'll just uh, I'll get back to your office and do my job."

"That won't be necessary," said Recon calmly. "TC. You're. FIRED!"

A massive line of code burst from Recon's palm and struck TC in the chest. It threw him out the clubhouse doors and into a mud puddle. Recon closed his palm and the code returned to him. The doors to the clunhouse slammed shut.

"Druby, keep an eye on Berserker's master after you run the news," grumbled Recon. "Blooky, you oversee the war and offer support from the clubhouse. I'll return to the Academy and prepare for Requiem's arrival."

They both nodded, and the group parted.
 

Requiem

Well-Known Member
Member
#44
If my abilities don't involve using words solidified into weapons, I'll be shocked. Like, sound waves from my voice and numerous clickity clacks of keyboard keys all molded together impossibly into the shape of a weapon (dude, keyblade, just give me a dumb keyblade made of "words"). That would be the dumbest and best thing ever.

But then again, as all of these things go, TC knows best, so just do what you want, friend! I'll try to catch up and read the rest of the series soon!
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
#45
Chapter 16: First Blood

Jeroth walked into a large white room with a vaulted ceiling.

"Here we are," smiled Jeroth as he walked into the center of the room. "Chocobo Academy's mana storage facility. The third largest in all of magedom."

"Let's knock it out of the top ten," said Tirin, appearing by Jeroth's side.

Tirin scanned the room. The walls were lined with shelves, each containing several rows of round canisters. They glowed blue. Tirin picked one up and dropped it into his dimensional cape. The canister floated away into an abyss of time.

"On account of my achievements, I have access to this facility whenever I want," said Jeroth, casting a minor spell. The image of a filled canister appeared on the shelf where Tirin had taken one. "By filling out a few papers, this resource is at my disposal."

"Heh, papers," scoffed Tirin as he picked up a second canister. "The papers, and your need to cover up this deed show me you are a slave of this institution, not their guest of honor."

Jeroth scowled, and Tirin paused.

"We don't have long," said Jeroth bitterly. "Take what you need."

Tirin placed the canister back on the shelf.

"Someone's coming," said Tirin, fading away into an invisible spirit-form.

"Jow is standing guard," whispered Jeroth. "He'd let me know if-"

Jeroth detected it too. Despite the mana that surrounded him, a distinct magical presence had entered the room. He turned around.

A bald man with a beard entered the room. Jeroth did not recognize him. He smiled at Jeroth.

"Is that a...hockey stick across his back?" thought Jeroth.

"Hi," said Bob, looking a bit surprised as well. "I need to pick up a few canisters for Professor Requiem. The uh, front desk guy isn't there. Do I need to fill out a form or anything?"

Jeroth studied the man. His magical aura was far too weak to be what Tirin had detected. But his lie indicated he may not have come alone.

"Sorry, do you not work here?" asked Bob, a bit nervous at Jeroth's silence. "I'll just grab a few canisters and leave a note at the front desk."

Jeroth chuckled, and Bob looked confused.

"We are men of action," said Jeroth, smiling and adjusting his stance. "Lies do not become us."

"I'm guessing Requiem retired?" shrugged Bob, adjusting his own stance.

"Yes, a few years ago," said Jeroth. "Last I heard he was finally taking a break, doing alright."

"I'm glad," said Bob. "Req's a good guy. I was afraid he'd get caught up in this Cookie War."

Easy and Tirin materialized alongside the mages, weapons ready.

"Hey Archer," said Easy. "Nice cape."

"Hey dead man," said Tirin. "Gay gauntlets."

Easy cocked his head and smirked. He looked at a watch on Jeroth's arm. It ticked one second backwards. Easy braced for impact as Tirin was suddenly in front of him, charging for a kill.

--------------------------------------
@Easy @Tirin @Jeroth @The Hound

Please pick "Rock", "Paper", or "Scissors" and send your message to me in a PM.

I am going to roll some d20s to determine who "wins" an action round. The greater the difference between the two rolls, the more successful of a round for the player with the higher roll. However, winning the rock paper scissors match results in a +5 bonus for that d20 roll, which can turn the tide.

Let's say the dice rolls and RPS results are:

Tirin: (rock) 10
Easy: (scissors) 14

Jeroth: (paper) 5
Bob: (scissors) 15

This would result in the following outcome:

Tirin: 15 (minor success)
Easy: 14 (minor failure)

Jeroth: 5 (significant failure)
Bob: 20 (significant success)

If y'all want to agree to be gentlemen and use the same RPS move you are welcome to, just don't be surprised if your opponent does not keep their word. RPS choices will be publicized, so everyone will know if you a sneaky one.
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
#46
First Blood con't

Easy pumped full power to his gauntlets and stopped Tirin dead in his tracks. The time warrior's sword was an inch from cutting him in two, but Easy just laughed. He held the time warrior's sword-hand in his left gauntlet, and had his heart in a death grip with the other gauntlet.

Tirin moved time back a moment and cut Easy in not two, but three pieces. Only...time didn't flow for him. He was stuck, and Easy's laughter grew more annoying.

"I didn't think you'd take the bait," laughed Easy. "An Archer who charges. For an alleged time lord you're second-rate."

Tirin tried to pry Easy's gauntlet off his torso, but the strange metal closed only tighter around his side.

"Yeah, I know your time tricks," said Easy. "I thought you might try something like this. Joke's on you though, I have a heightened perception. How do you think I do so well in the ring?"

"You're well-read," admitted Tirin through gritted teeth. "This is the first time I've underestimated a mongrel."

"I've heard of you, Tirin," said Easy. "A powerful mage who manipulates the very time in his blood like it was mana. Doesn't do you much good if that blood's not pumping."

Easy tightened his grip on Tirin's heart. Tirin tried to think of other options, but time wasn't moving fast enough.

---

---
Bob wasted no time either. He drew his hockey stick and swung it against the ground while muttering a spell. A conjured puck flew through the air with explosive force. Jeroth dodged it just in time, and the puck exploded into icy shards at the back wall, knocking over some mana canisters.

Jeroth kicked off the back wall and charged for Bob, lowering his torso to create a smaller target.

"Ha, moron," thought Bob. "He's running in a straight line. This next shot won't miss."

Bob conjured a second puck and sent it for Jeroth's neck. Jeroth didn't avert course and quickly gained ground. Bob smiled, only for Jeroth to quickly blink through the puck at the last moment. Bob didn't realize his error until Jeroth's concussive kick cracked one of his ribs.

Bob hit the back wall and grunted. The hockey padding he was wearing spared his life for at least a few more seconds.

"Most mages don't specialize in hand-to-hand combat." grunted Bob, as Jeroth approached him.

"I am not most mages," beamed Jeroth. He readied a death blow, but felt a wind to his side.

---
Easy felt shame. Dawdling during victory was a hallmark of his career in the arena, but had no place in a Cookie War. His master was in danger!

Easy triggered the rockets on his gauntlets. One threw Tirin off of him, and the other flew towards Jeroth.

Jeroth jumped backwards, and Easy's rocket-gauntlet sailed through the space where he had stood. This gave Bob an opportunity to stand up and grab his hockey stick, and gave Tirin a chance to recover his zeal.

The red-hot gauntlets boomeranged back onto Easy's fists, resting themselves on his hands with ease.

There was now some distance between Easy and Tirin.

Jeroth and Bob were close enough to spar.

---
Tirin (paper) 2 (+0) = 2
Easy (paper) 17 (+0) = 17

Jeroth (paper) 16 (+5) = 22
Bob (rock) 9 (+0) = 9
---

Round 2, bois!

Send in your RPS action.
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
#47
First Blood con't con't

"Try it again?" taunted Easy.

At a distance, Tirin smirked and raised his falchion. The tip of his weapon cut a hole in thin air. In the fabric of time itself.

A cloud of vorpal energy leaked from the tear and swirled around Tirin's weapon. He lowered his sword and pointed it at Easy. Tendrils of energy vibrated around the sword. Half a second in the past, bright balls of purest energy shot at Easy with lightning speed.

Easy charged forward with his gauntlets raised, dodging the energy blasts or deflecting them with his gauntlets as needed.

"Almost closed the gap," thought Easy, readying a punch to wipe the smirk off Tirin's face, literally.

Then Tirin stopped teasing, and increased the rate of fire tenfold.

Easy defended his body with his gauntlets as endless streams of energy projectiles struck him and the area around him. Tirin laughed as the energy scorched the floor and battered his opponents' means of defense. He scowled when he sensed Jeroth's mana running low.

The barrage slowed down enough for Easy to effectively recover. He shook some sweat from his forehead and glared at Tirin. His gauntlets were in bad shape. Easy's strength alone could kill a man with one punch, but a heroic spirit? Possibly. He considered his options.
---
Bob ignited his hockey stick with magical flames. It did little to slow Jeroth's advance.

Jeroth delivered several quick jabs and kicks. Bob dodged or deflected them all, barely. He breathed heavily.

"That broken rib is slowing him down," smiled Jeroth. "He hasn't been able to attack at all, only evade."

Jeroth's energy-enhanced fist bounced off the hockey stick again, and Bob adjusted his footing. Jeroth seized his opportunity.

Bob smiled as his plan worked. Jeroth kicked him hard in his broken rib, only Bob had cast a spell to harden his hockey padding in that spot. Jeroth's deadly kick struck hard iron, and the victory in his eyes was replaced with fear. Jeroth kicked off of Bob, but he did not fully escape Bob's swing. The hockey stick shifted from flames to iron and hit Jeroth with a sickening crack.

Jeroth quickly recovered, but staggered back to assess the damage.

"Whelp!" ordered Tirin. "Break open one of those mana canisters. Watch closely, as these strains are erased."

Jeroth quickly popped his arm back into socket. Fortunately for him, Bob's attack had thrown him right next to a shelf of canisters. Before Bob could react, Jeroth pulled one down from the shelf.

Bob readied a puck to shatter the canister.

Jeroth saw something on the shelf. One of the canisters in the second row was empty, and filled with a different substance. It suddenly darkened as Jeroth looked at it, and he noticed a timer.

"0:02"

"Bob, get down!" shouted Easy as he sprinted for his master.

The force of the explosion destroyed the facility instantly.

---
Tirin (scissors) 12 (+0) = 12
Easy Scissors 9 (+0) = 9

Jeroth (rock) 14 (+0) = 14
Bob (rock) 20 (+0) = 20

Stealthy (dark matter bomb) 14 (+15) = 29
---

End of Chapter
 

Tirin

God-Emperor of Tealkind
Moderator
#48
Man, if I die to some shitty explosion as a time-manipulating dude who would certainly have been juiced by a mana battery immediately beforehand imma be fuckin' pissed.

Ain't no scum move like that gonna beat me, Steathy. Depending on how TC does this...
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
#49
Chapter 17: Gentlemen's Duel

Stealthy's phone rang as he walked down the hallway. He answered it.

"Your dark matter bomb went off as planned," said Spiffums.

"You sound excited," noted Stealthy.

"Not just Jeroth, but the hockey guy too." said Spiffums. "Two down."

"Excellent," smiled Stealthy. "I'm taking care of the third right now. Have you recovered the bodies?"

"All the mana was consumed in the blast," said Spiffums. "No biological matter could survive being at the epicenter."

"Search for any evidence," ordered Stealthy. "Confirm their fates."

"Sure thing, cookie king," said Spiffums.

Stealthy hung up. He hated that nickname.

He arrived at his destination and knocked on the door. Shizno opened it, wearing casual clothes.

"Uh, hi," said Shizno.

"King Shizno, it is a pleasure to meet you," said Stealthy, keeping his hands behind his back. "Tell your master he may reveal himself. I come in peace, and wish to form an alliance with you both. Together, we c-"

"Oh, is this about the Cookie War?" asked Shizno.

"Y-yes," said Stealthy. "I am old and wise, but weak. Your master is young and strong, but inexperienced. I believe w-"

"Hey Coolpool, it's for you!" shouted Shizno behind him.

"Aww, but Sayu-chan is about to set up her tent!" said Coolpool. "Is it the RA? I can turn the volume down."

Stealthy leaned over his cane. He saw a sleepy-looking young man on the couch, watching some silly cartoon.

"It's about the Cookie War?" shouted Shizno.

"What?" replied Coolpool. "Oh, right. Sorry, I'm just not feeling up to it today."

Shizno turned back to Stealthy.

"He's kind of new at this," shrugged Shizno.

"Hello, Mr. Coolpool," said Stealthy loudly. "I am another Master in the Cookie War, like yourself. Under normal circumstances, we would be fighting to the death right now. However, I wish to-"

"Yeah, I heard about the alliance bit," said Coolpool. "I'm not really interested. I'm sure there's someone else who'd want to work with you though, if you need help."

Stealthy was silent.

"He can't possibly be this naive," thought Stealthy. "Or is this fool just mocking me?"

"If you want, you can come in and watch Super Cutie Camp School with us," said Coolpool. "If you really want to kill me I guess you can do that, just don't make a big mess if you can help it."

Stealthy tried not to laugh. He recognized Coolpool now.

"He's the student Professor Walrus always talks too," thought Stealthy. "He's not naive or mocking me, he's just suicidal."

"I'd be happy to come in," smiled Stealthy, and Coolpool motioned him forward.

Shizno eyed Stealthy carefully as he walked forward.

"I'm sure he's joking," said Shizno to Stealthy.

"Oh, I'm not joking," clarified Coolpool. "I'm pretty bad at jokes. If you really want to kill me, go ahead."

"Master!" cried Shizno.

"Oh, not this again," said Coolpool. "Shizno, I forbid you from protecting me."

Coolpool turned off the TV and stood up. Shizno grumbled, but did not try to get between Stealthy and Coolpool.

"Do what you came here to do," said Coolpool.

"As you wish," said Stealthy. "Lancer, kill him."

A beautiful man with curly hair in a dancer's outfit appeared before Stealthy. His outfit sparkled and shone brilliantly, even in the sub-par light. The way he moved seemed to defy gravity. Coolpool saw the man's young, clean face inspect his own.

Lancer took two steps forward...yet moved backwards away from his target.

"Sorry Master," said Ro. "Killing a kid who clearly suffers from depression? Not my style."

"You will do as you are told!" ordered Stealthy.

"Hey, I know you!" said Shizno excitedly.

"King Shizno, it's been too long," bowed Ro. "Being summoned as a Rider suits you well."

"You two know each other?" asked Coolpool.

"Of course!" said Shizno. "He killed me. On my birthday."

"And so you're friends?" questened Stealthy, shaking his head at the entire situation.

"I hate to be assassinated," shrugged Shizno. "But Ro Ro Ro, your dancing performance was incredible, I was completely mesmorized!"

"Thank you, thank you," smiled Ro, bowing again. "Your bodyguards were too, hence their failure to protect you from my hidden blade. Do not fault them."

"Not a smidge," agreed Shizno. "Just don't think you'll pull the same trick on me twice."

They both laughed. Coolpool turned the TV back on.

Stealthy cast a minor electric spell the short-circuited the television.

"Can we get back to the Cookie War, please?" implored Stealthy. "Lancer, if you defeat Rider that will be sufficient. I will place Coolpool under protective custody, but will not kill him."

"Ooh, I like that," said Lancer. "Now you're singing my song!"

"I cherish the opportunity to watch you dance again," smiled Shizno, drawing his broadsword.

"I guess," sighed Coolpool. "Just don't make a mess. And can you fix my TV?"

"No." said Stealthy sternly, as the servants began their duel.

-----
@Shizno @Ro Ro Ro

Please pick "Rock", "Paper", or "Scissors" and send your message to me in a PM or via Discord.

I am going to roll some d20s to determine who "wins" an action round. The greater the difference between the two rolls, the more successful of a round for the player with the higher roll. However, winning the rock paper scissors match results in a +5 bonus for that d20 roll, which can turn the tide.

Let's say the dice rolls and RPS results are:

Shizno: (rock) 10
Ro3: (scissors) 14
or
Shizno (paper) 5
Ro3: (scissors) 15

This would result in the following outcome:

Shizno: 15 (minor success)
Ro3: 14 (minor failure)
or
Shizno: 5 (significant failure)
Ro3: 20 (significant success)

If y'all want to agree to be gentlemen and use the same RPS move you are welcome to, just don't be surprised if your opponent does not keep their word. RPS choices will be publicized, so everyone will know if you a sneaky one.
 
Last edited:

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
#50
Chapter 17: Gentlemen's Duel con't

Shizno swung upward with his broadsword, but Ro thrust his torso backwards to dodge it. Shizno spun and delivered a series of powerful blows through the space Ro was standing - but he danced out of the way with ease.

"Every attack of yours is lethal," admired Ro, doing the splits to avoid a strike. "But you're so slow! Surely you can do better!"

"Stay still and die, you beautiful bastard!" shouted Shizno.

He swung down, but Ro headspinned out of the way.

"Does he realize I'm being slow on purpose?" thought Shizno. "I need to present a false opening, so he reveals his hidden blade."

"Hey, don't scratch the tile." said Coolpool as Shizno shattered the ground in front of him. "I'll get in trouble."

Shizno slashed sideways at his opponent. Ro leaped over the blade and kicked the brunt of the sword. Momentum caused Shizno to over-correct and expose his back to Ro.

"Here comes the knife!" thought Shizno with a smile.

Summoning some of his reserve energy, Shizno back-flipped over the incoming blade. It didn't come. Instead, Ro dance-kicked Shizno's face as he turned mid-air, slamming him into the floor with a loud thud.

Dishes fell out of cabinets and beams cracked as Shizno's body collided with the Earth. Before he could get back up, Ro kicked his broadsword across the room. It flew through the air and cut a few hairs off Coolpool's head before impaling the television.

"Aw, c'mon," groaned Coolpool, as his TV sparked.

Stealthy chuckled.

Shizno rolled over and summoned a pointed shield, his secondary weapon. He summoned it just in time. Ro's hidden blade embedded itself in the shield, right in front of Shizno's neck.

"Ha!" laughed Shizno, straining his split lip. "That cost you your hidden blade!"

"You mean these?" said Ro, revealing a hidden pocket with several similar knives. No doubt there was more like them.

"Lancer, stop revealing things!" ordered Stealthy.

"Don't worry Master," smiled Ro, twirling blades in both hands. "This fight will be over soon."

Shizno adjusted his footing, and considered his options.

Stealthy grinned smugly.

Coolpool thought about picking up the dishes that fell over.

---------------
Ro: 19 paper (+5) = 24
Shizno: 13 rock (+0) = 13
---------------

Round 2 boys!
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
#51
Chapter 17: Gentlemen's Duel con't

Ro dance-attacked Shizno with a flurry of rhythmic moves. The hits clanged against Shizno's shield, knocking him to the back of the room.

"I need to get around that shield for a killing blow," thought Ro. "But this dorm room is too small."

Shizno regained his footing, stepping in front of the main window while doing so.

"Perfect," smiled Ro.

Ro threw a knife into the ceiling, much to everyone's surprise. He then ran and jumped, grabbed on to the knife and swung off of it towards Shizno. The dancer's body flew towards Shizno with incredible velocity. Ro's pointed dancer shoes struck Shizno's shield..and nothing happened. His speed had vanished.

Shizno struck Ro's chin with his shield, knocking the surprised servant into the air. He then grabbed Ro with his spare arm and drove him into the floor with his massive, full body weight. Beams cracked and splintered as the force of Shizno's mass tore Ro through the floor of Coolpool's apartment and into the dorm room below it.

Shizno got off of Ro, who threw another blade. Shizno deflected it with his shield, and pinned Ro's neck in place with the gap at the shield's top. Ro struggled, but could not move.

Shizno pressed his shield further into the ground, getting closer to crushing Ro's throat.

"Last words?" asked Shizno.

"Mhm," smiled Ro through bloody teeth. "Surrender."

Ro motioned upwards. Shizno looked, and saw that Stealthy was holding a knife to Coolpool's throat on the floor above them.

"Release my servant," ordered Stealthy. "Or I'll fulfill your master's wish."

"Do whatever," shrugged Coolpool.

Shizno grumbled, and removed the shield keeping Ro in place. Ro got up slowly. He did not try to mask his hurt.

"Okay, now you let him go," said Shizno.

"First, swear your allegiance to me with a binding magical contract," said Stealthy. "Ro?"

Ro dug in a spare pocket and pulled out some parchment.

"There's a few places to sign," said Ro.

"What!?" gasped Shizno.

"Don't worry, it's not hard!" said Ro. "Just initial on the first page, and sign on the second."

"I don't want to betray my master, just let him go!" shouted Shizno.

"It's the only way," said Stealthy coolly. He drew a drop of his victim's blood with the knife.

"Plus, this way we'll get to hang out more!" said Ro, with an innocent look. "Wouldn't that be great?"

The door to Coolpool's dorm slammed open, starling all.

"COOLPOOL!" announced a blubbering voice. "YOUR MENTOR HAS ARRIVED!"

"Oh no, Professor Walrus," groaned Coolpool. "Stealthy? Please kill me."

Stealthy grimaced.

"Ro, see us out!" ordered Stealthy.

Before anyone could blink, a smoke bomb filled the two rooms. The smoke quickly dissipated, but Stealthy and Ro had vanished as well.

"COOLPOOL? ARE YOU IN HERE?" continued the voice.

"I'm right here," sighed Coolpool.

A very, very large man with thick whiskers and an old-timey suit stomped forward. He gave Coolpool a vigorous handshake.

"WHY WHEN I HEARD YOU WERE A MASTER IN THE COOKIE WAR, I NEAR DROPPED BY GOLDFISH CRACKERS!" he said. "MY BOY, I COULD NOT BE MORE PROUD OF YOU!"

"Uh huh," said Coolpool.

"SURELY MY LESSONS HAVE ENABLED YOU TO SUCCEED AT SUCH A HIGH RATE. IN FACT, I SHOULD DOUBLE YOUR ASSIGNMENTS IN ORDER TO ENHANCE YOUR GROWING PROWESS IN MAGEDOM!"

"Uh huh," said Coolpool.

"YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A LAD LIKE YOU, I ALWAYS THOUGHT..."

Shizno climbed through the hole in the floor to join the two, which made for an unfortunately long and one-sided conversation. Throughout it all, Coolpool wondered what great things could have happened if Stealthy had simply got what he wanted.
-----------------------
End of Chapter 17
----------------------
Shizno: (paper) (+5) + 17 = 22 (significant success)
Ro3: (rock) (+0) + 7 = 7 (significant failure)
 
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Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
#52
Chapter 18: Pork and Ham

Dunsparce grumbled under his breath and waved for another round. The Pork and Ham Pub was a shithole, but a more crowded shithole lately. Mach City had paid for a massive upgrade to it's port infrastructure, a development that made the roads slower and bars busier. Dunsparce was used to being the mysterious stranger in the corner of a dive bar, with an upturned collar to indicate how cool he was. Tonight, he was fighting for elbow room at the counter between two normies toasting the end of a workday.

"At least they have jobs," grumbled Dunsparce. They didn't even notice he was wearing sunglasses at night.

Dunsparce had hoped to spend the evening discussing strategy. Instead, his servant was off on some foolish errand. He could technically summon Fire Demon within a few moments if the Berserker was willing, but the strange heroic spirit was adamant about completing his task. Best to stay on good terms.

The man to Dunsparce's right finally paid his tab and left. Before Dunsparce could manspread his arms across the counter, a strange-looking man elbowed his way into the spot.

"Ay there," said the man to the bartender. "Ya got toilet wine?"

The bartender looked confused.

"Don' worry about it," smiled the man. He smelled damp. "Jus' whatever the house is servin'."

Weird accent. Odd request. Strange...magical aura.

"Probably a stupid freshman at the Academy," thought Dunsparce. "He's a perfect indicator of their idiocy."

"How's it going mate?" asked the man. "Name's Andy."

"Dunsparce," said Dunsparce, shaking the idiot's hand. "I'm just waiting for a friend. It was nice to meet you."

Dunsparce turned away, but Andy touched his shoulder.

"Hey Dunsparce, I'm lookin' for a guy," said Andy.

"Get your hand off me, cretin," said Dunsparce. "I don't have sex with guys. I don't have sex with women either, but definitely not with you either way!"

"Ha, good one," said Andy, punching Dunsparce in the shoulder. It hurt. "Nah, it's not like that. I'm lookin' for a feller named Shadow. He's got purple and black robes, pointy teeth, real theatrics type."

"...Shadow," said Dunsparce. He tried to keep a straight face. This idiot had just described one of the most powerful Casters that could be summoned. "Haven't seen him."

"He's a real cunt this guy," said Andy, taking a sip of his drink. "He helped me escape-er, travel to Mach City. And as soon as we get here, vamoos. He takes off. Even though we have a ton of work to do!"

"Shadow is known to have a dismal loyalty score," thought Dunsparce.

"I saw 'im head this way, I thought maybe you'd know where he went," said Andy. "Seein' as how you're a mage and all."

Dunsparce straightened.

"It is very foolish to speak of magedom in public, if not in code," whispered Dunsparce. "What the fuck are you thinking?"

"Is that a rule you uptights have?" asked Andy. He paused. "Ha, don't answer that. I know it's totally forbidden. Basic mage stuff, right?"

Dunsparce considered his options. Could this be the escapee from Prison Island? His clothes were ill-fitted. Maybe stolen.

"I'm sorry to pester ya like this," murmured Andy. "Thing is, I'm in this Cookie War. And you're the first person I've encountered with a magical aura. I'm sure I could go to the Academy, seek their refuge 'till my servant shows up. But I bet they'd see that comin' wouldn't they? Do you know anyone else that might know where this damn Caster is?"

Dunsparce smiled and finished his drink.

"You really are as stupid as you look," said Dunsparce. "You approach me due to my faint aura, not realizing that it is only faint because my servant is not present. But I could summon him at a moment's notice. And it sounds like your servant is AFK."

"A tall tale mate," said Andy, smiling back. "I just wanted to get you to admit you're a Master. My servant's an Assassin not a Caster, in the room with us right now. That's why you're not detecting them. I needed to make sure you were a Master before we gut you is all. But I'd accept surrender. Just sever your mana connection with your servant right now, and that'll be the end of it. You'll walk out of here alive."

"Shit I hope he bought that," thought Andy. "Of all the rotten luck..."

"There's a lot of civvies here," said Dunsparce, looking around the crowded room. "Could be messy if I call your bluff."

"Not terribly," said Andy.

The two smiled at each other, and their brawl began.
----------

Dunsparce can summon his servant in 2 rounds! He can summon his servant in 1 round if he focuses on summoning. Focusing on summoning will apply a -5 effect to your attack roll.

Andy cannot summon his servant because Shadow is a shitcunt! Andy grew up on Prison Island, an experience that gives him a +5 on attack rolls in this fight!


@Dunsparce @AndyM03

Please pick "Rock", "Paper", or "Scissors" and send your message to me in a PM or via Discord. @Dunsparce please choose whether you want to focus on summoning or not, too.

I am going to roll some d20s to determine who "wins" an action round. The greater the difference between the two rolls, the more successful of a round for the player with the higher roll. However, winning the rock paper scissors match results in a +5 bonus for that d20 roll, which can turn the tide.

Let's say the dice rolls and RPS results are:

Andy: (rock) (+5 prison island) 10
Dunsparce: (scissors) 14
or
Andy (paper) (+5 prison island) 2
Dunsparce: (scissors) (-5 focus summoning) 18

This would result in the following outcome:

Andy: 20 (minor success)
Dunsparce: 14 (minor failure)
or
Andy: 7 (significant failure)
Dunsparce: 18 (significant success)

If y'all want to agree to be gentlemen and use the same RPS move you are welcome to, just don't be surprised if your opponent does not keep their word. RPS choices will be publicized, so everyone will know if you a sneaky one.
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
#54
Chapter 18b: Pork and Ham

Dunsparce had been scraping the wood counter with his fingernail since the conversation began. He swept his hand across the counter, carefully flicking the pile of sawdust he'd created into Andy's eye. Andy reeled back, and Dunsparce used his spare hand to smack Andy's forehead with his pint. The glass shattered and Andy flew backwards onto the ground.

"Pussy. I didn't even hit him that hard," thought Dunsparce. "Not as tough as he looks."

Dunsparce took a step towards Andy, who made no effort to get up.

"What the hell's wrong with you!?" shouted Andy. "Stay away from me, you maniac! Help!"

Dunsparce raised his hand to cast a fatal spell, but he was quickly grabbed from behind.

"Whoa man, calm down," said the burly patron holding Dunsparce.

"Somebody call the police!" shouted someone else.

"Let go of me, you don't understand!" shouted Dunsparce.

"I saw how it went down, you hit him out of nowhere," said the man that had been next to Dunsparce at the counter.

"I saw it too, you royal ass," said another.

"Shut up!" said Dunsparce, trying to wrestle out of the man's grasp. "He's not who you think-"

"Ow! How bad is it!?" groaned Andy. He looked at Dunsparce and winked at him. "What a nutjob. I don't even know the guy."

"I'll get the first aid kit," said the bartender. "Just a small cut. It's bleeding, but not bad."

Dunsparce tried to break free, but he couldn't cast a spell with his arms held back. Two more patrons volunteered to hold him in place.

"Let me go!" said Dunsparce. "You don't understand! This guy's dangerous!"

"The only one dangerous here is you," said one of the regulars. "I've seen you in here before, lookin' all creepy in the corner. Shoulda known you were up to no good."

"Thanks mate," said Andy, as he was helped up.

"Do you need to call anyone?" someone asked.

"Nah, I'm alright," said Andy, lightly touching his wound. "No need to press charges. I think I'll just call it a night and head home."

"Next beer's on the house," said the bartender, pulling out a bandage. "Don't worry. This crazy asshole won't be back here."

" 'ppreciate it, I really do," said Andy. "How about I trade that beer for a free punch on this creep?"

The patrons chuckled.

"Stop! You idiots, he'll kill me!" shouted Dunsparce as his holders gave Andy an opening.

"It was nice meetin' ya," smiled Andy.

The punch hurt. Dunsparce felt one of his ribs splinter, and a fragment punctured his heart.

Dunsparce breathed painfully and the crowd applauded. From the outside, they couldn't see how fatal his wound was.

"Fuck," thought Dunsparce as his motion blurred. "I'm fading fast. I need my servant here, NOW!"
----
Andy: 18
Dunsparce: 2

Andy: (+ rock) (+ Prison Island background)
Dunsparce: (scissors)


Andy: 28 (astounding victory)
Dunsparce: 2 (astounding defeat)
----

Dunsparce is actively dying! Dunsparce is trying to concentrate on summoning his servant. @Dunsparce please pick heads or tails. If you guess the right one, you will summon your servant before dying!
 

Easy

Right Honorable Justice
Member
#55
Hold up. He gave up the free beer for it? For an Aussie, that's-

...can they do that, actually?

Huh.
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
#57
Chapter 18c: Pork and Ham

Alarms screeched. Men trembled. Fire roared.

"Which of you is in charge of these atrocities!?" bellowed Fire Demon.

The Berserker picked up a desk and threw it into a row of cubicles. It exploded. The panicked workers fled their workspaces, not bothering to answer the demon's question.

"Answer me!" demanded Fire Demon. His aura grew, scorching everything close to him.

"Excuse me," said a calm young man. "My name's Anatron. I'm responsible for a lot of the coding in this game series. I can answer your questions."

"You're the one who tarnished my legacy?" smiled Fire. "You're awfully calm for a man about to be burned alive."

Anatron shrugged.

"We've been on crunch time for six months, and I get paid shit for wages," said Anatron. "I've already lost my livelihood, so I'm okay dying, So long as you burn this whole company down too."

Fire's flames calmed. Slightly.

"That sounds terrible," said Fire. "If someone is making you create these lies for your meager wage, where are they?"

"Well, Tom is in his office cowering behind his desk," said Anatron, pointing to the other side of the room. "But he's not directly resp-"

Fire Demon used a jet of flame to propel himself into Tom's office. Tom was whispering to the police on his phone, until Fire picked him up and smacked the device out of his hand.

"Tom!" bellowed Fire Demon. "You have tarnished my legacy with your 'Cookie War' game and for that you will suffer greatly! Do you have any last words? For all that remains after will be screams."

Tom struggled to get words out as the heat was so intense.

"I swear, after we got bought out by EA they made us re-write the lore of the heroic spirits!" Tom choked out. "Phat32 Studios documented all your accomplishments originally, but then EA wanted to make it simpler and more streamlined!"

"Then I will find this 'EA'," growled Fire Demon. "After your body is ashes, they'll be next."

Suddenly, Fire Demon felt a speed bump in his mana source. He stumbled and dropped Tom onto the floor.

"Dunsparce is hurt!" Fire realized.

"Tom of Phat32," ordered Fire Demon. "I have more pressing matters to attend to. You have one week to correct your mistakes. Honor my legacy. Or be destroyed."

Tom nodded vigorously, and a pillar of flame teleported Berserker out of the office.
 
Last edited:

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
#58
Chapter 18d: Pork and Ham

A pillar of flame appeared in the Pork and Ham, followed by a fiery demon. The patrons either fled or hid themselves as best they could.

"Damn it all!" shouted Fire Demon, as he saw Dunsparce's dead body on the floor. "You went and got yourself killed didn't you?"

Dunsparce was too busy to respond.

"I suppose you were right, I should have been here," said the Berserker. "Just give me a minute."

"Howdy, big fella," said Andy, approaching cautiously. "Berserker, right? It looks like we're both in a shit spot. I'm a Master without a Servant, and you're a Servant without a Master."

"You killed Dunsparce, didn't you?" growled Fire Demon.

"He attacked me first," said Andy, pointing to the bandage on his forehead. "I get you're upset, but I want you to think on something. Without a connection to a mana source, you're going to disappear and return to the spiritual plane in just a few moments. If you'd like to stick around, I sure would appreciate partnerin' up with you."

"I'll think about it," said Fire Demon as he forced his claw through his own chest. He growled painfully and burned brighter as he dug within his being. A moment later, he retrieved a part of his own being - a Flame of Life.

"This'll hurt," he said to Dunsparce's lifeless form. He plunged the shared of fire into Dunsparce's heart.

"Smart to draw all the mana out of him," said Andy nervously. "Gives us more time to talk an' see if we'd work well together."

The shard cooled off and turned to ash. Dunsparce sprang to his feet, and screamed in pain.

"Welcome back!" said Fire Demon. "Sorry I was late. Try not to get in any other fights without me."

"Ah-that guy!" said Dunsparce, pointing at Andy while still clutching his chest. "He's the one who killed me!"

"Yeah," said Fire Demon. "He seems nice."

"KILL HIM!" shouted Dunsparce.

Fire Demon raged and shot a stream of fire at Andy. Andy ducked behind an upturned table to shield himself from the blast. He, and the table, were thrown through the wall.

"Do you want to finish him off?" asked Fire Demon.

"Nah," grunted Dunsparce, leaning on a barstool for support. "You got this."

Fire Demon raged again and flew through the Andy-shaped hole in the wall.
-----

Dunsparce guessed: Tails!

But the result: Heads

Dunsparce was able to be rezzed by his Servant, but now Fire Demon has permanently lost a portion of his power.
 

Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
#59
Chapter 18e: Pork and Ham

"License and registration, ma'am," said the policeman.

"У меня есть только временная виза и российская лицензия. Это прокат," she said, handing over the paperwork. "U menya yest' tol'ko vremennaya viza i rossiyskaya litsenziya. Eto prokat."

"Oh, a Russian eh?" said the officer. "You'll need to step out of the car ma'am. Speeding is a felony if you're a godless communist."

"133 at intersection MSN-Skype ," crackled the officer's radio. "Are there any units able to respond?"

The officer sighed and clicked the safety of his gun back on.

"This is Unit 13," he said into the radio. "I'm nearby, I can respond."

He turned to the Russian.

"You're free to go. For now," he said.

"сука блять!" she shouted back and sped off.

The Officer left his car parked where it was, he was just a block away from the target location.

"Potentially dangerous person," mumbled the Officer as he scanned those on the sidewalk. A hooded figure caught his eye. He caught a devilish smile even at this distance. The figure immediately darted into an alley.

"Gotcha," smiled the Officer, knowing the alley to be a dead end. He broke into a sprint and swung into the alley.

"Freeze! Police!" he said.

The hooded figure faced a cement wall. Nowhere to run. It turned around and smiled.

"Ha! Put your hands up," said the Officer. "You're mine."

The figure raised its cloaked arms. Then melted into a puddle of dark liquid.

"What the fuck!?" shouted the Officer. Despite his instincts, he took a few steps forward to inspect the remains.

The dark puddle frothed and hissed. Eventually, sharp teeth floated up to the top of the puddle. They arranged themselves into a smile, and red eyes began to form.

"You're mine," said the smile.

"Nope!" shouted the Officer. "I'm out!"

He turned to run, but the rest of the world was gone. Where the alley met the sidewalk was dark empty space. Purple clouds flashed in the distance, and a few seemed to smile at him.

"What in the name of sovereign Ukraine!?" gasped the Officer.

He heard uncanny laughter and turned around. The puddle with a face had climbed onto the cement wall at the end of the alley. It stretched itself over the wall and the face became larger and larger still. The mouth opened and cackled, and the wall itself slid forward.

"All units, respond!" shouted the Officer. He fumbled for his radio but it was gone. His uniform had been replaced with a purple cloak - the one the figure had worn.

The officer began screaming as the wall approached closer. The wall screamed back.

Then an ex-con and a table flew through the side of a building.

"Shadow!" smiled the strange man who smelled like campfire. "I knew you'd come back! You're just in time!"

For the Officer, everything returned to normal. He was wearing his uniform, the sidewalk was back, and the hooded figure was standing in front of him, looking annoyed.

Suddenly, a large being made of fire roared as it flew through the hole in the building.

The Officer scrambled to his feet and ran.
-----

It's a fight between Berserker Fire Demon and Caster Shadow!

@Firedemon @Shadow

Please pick "Rock", "Paper", or "Scissors" and send your message to me in a PM or via Discord.

I am going to roll some d20s to determine who "wins" an action round. The greater the difference between the two rolls, the more successful of a round for the player with the higher roll. However, winning the rock paper scissors match results in a +5 bonus for that d20 roll, which can turn the tide.

Let's say the dice rolls and RPS results are:

Shadow: (rock) 10
FD: (scissors) 14
or
Shadow (paper) 8
FD: (scissors) 18

This would result in the following outcome:

Shadow: 15 (minor success)
FD: 14 (minor failure)
or
Shadow: 8 (significant failure)
FD: 23 (significant success)

If y'all want to agree to be gentlemen and use the same RPS move you are welcome to, just don't be surprised if your opponent does not keep their word. RPS choices will be publicized, so everyone will know if you a sneaky one.
 
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