So... I've never seen Star Wars...

What order should I watch Star Wars in?

  • 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3

    Votes: 5 71.4%
  • 1, 2, 3, then 4, 5, 6

    Votes: 2 28.6%

  • Total voters
    7

13thforsworn

Well-Known Member
Member
Episode III was a lot like Episode I; not horrible, but not great. Enjoyable, even. The plot made a little more sense in this one, since it was mainly about Anikan Skywalker's turn to the Dark Side of the Force. Somehow I seem to have forgotten half of what happened in this movie despite having just watched it (probably because I paused the movie with an hour left to play a Counter Strike match with some friends), so this post will be short.

I actually thought that the way Palpatine twisted Anikan's mind was pretty clever. Pulled at all the right strings, used a couple of half-truths and made claims that seemed based in reality according to what Anikan was feeling. The only thing they messed up in my opinion was the moment of conversion. He went from "what have I done?!" after being complicit in Mace Windu's death to "I swear my allegiance to you" in like 30 seconds. It was kind of jarring.

General Grievous conceptually was such a badass character, but they made him a fucking pussy in the movie. This pisses me off so much. I hear he's actually a baller in the Clone Wars cartoons though, so at least there's that.

Also, what the fuck was Obi-Wan planning to do when he jumped into the midst of like 400,000 battle droids? It should have been literally suicide, but Grievous conveniently is like "1v1 IRL noob" and gets rekt. Pretty ridiculous.

So Padme died... I guess they kind of had to kill her off since she's not in the original trilogy, but god dammit... That was some Oedipus Rex shit. Foresees his wife dying so he tries to protect her, proceeds to kill her in attempts to protect her...

So Sidious' plan to become Galactic Emperor was actually fucking retarded, but of course every single contingency upon which in hinged, of which there were many, worked out, because its a movie. "So some shit happened and the Jedi tried to take over, but don't worry, I stopped it. Now may me fucking Emperor." u wot m8? Also, fuck the Trade Federation. Why are they even a thing. Literally useless.


I'm glad I finally got through all the Star Wars movies. I filled in a huge gap in my pop culture knowledge and wont feel like a scrub anymore when I see or hear something Star Wars related. If I had to rank the movies from favourite to least favourite, it would probably go Vi,V,IV, I, III, II. Return of the Jedi was my favourite because it wrapped up the story of the original trilogy, and Attack of the Clones was my least favourite because the first half of that movie is just dreadful. The Phantom Menace won out from the prequels because it was introduction to the new and fresh Star Wars, and was interesting enough.
I think I might try to see Episode VII in theatres tomorrow.

 
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Colonel Thunder

Renowned Blunderer & Dishonorary Czech
Member
I hear he's actually a baller in the Clone Wars cartoons though, so at least there's that.
I know he is in the old Clone Wars cartoons. Don't know about the ones they've been making for like, the last eight years though.

That was some Oedipus Rex shit. Foresees his wife dying so he tries to protect her, proceeds to kill her in attempts to protect her...
Evidently, force-choking your pregnant wife does not, in fact, do her any favors.

So Sidious' plan to become Galactic Emperor was actually fucking retarded, but of course every single contingency upon which in hinged, of which there were many, worked out, because its a movie. "So some shit happened and the Jedi tried to take over, but don't worry, I stopped it. Now may me fucking Emperor." u wot m8? Also, fuck the Trade Federation. Why are they even a thing. Literally useless.
Yeah, Sidious' plan was pretty ridiculous. It's better than the "I find the magic McGuffin and now I rule with supreme power" route, but not by a longshot.

And yes, the Trade Federation plotline was just stupid.


My biggest gripe with the prequel trilogy is that, conceptually, it sounds really good. If you were pitching a ten-sentence summary of the plot of each film, it would sound great. The Star Wars you know and love, but with a wider scope, political intrigue, and grey morality serving as the background to the fall of a tragic hero. They just didn't pull it off though.

I'm not sure whether to give Revenge of the Sith some credit in that it tries to be "something" more than the other two prequels do, but it still comes off as a mess. Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones were meaningless fluff trying hard to be fun, but at least they were aware of that. Revenge of the Sith seems to grasp at meaning that far exceeds it reach, at the cost of having any fun more than twenty minutes into the movie.

Sidenote: My favorite review of Revenge of the Sith was something along the lines of

"A lot of people like this movie the most out of the prequels, because they say it's the 'darkest'. Just because something's dark doesn't mean it's good. My stool is dark and my doctor says that's bad."

Anyways, whenever I think of Revenge of the Sith, I immediately think of unhealthy poop, which is kind of an aft comparison given what it could have been.


Okay I'm done being butthurt about the prequels now.

Glad you watched them all 13th! This is one of the better threads we've had in a long time, and I look forward to your thoughts on The Force Awakens.


Lastly, please enjoy this superior edit of The Phantom Menace:

 

Null Hypothesis

Well-Known Member
Donor III
So Sidious' plan to become Galactic Emperor was actually fucking retarded, but of course every single contingency upon which in hinged, of which there were many, worked out, because its a movie. "So some shit happened and the Jedi tried to take over, but don't worry, I stopped it. Now may me fucking Emperor." u wot m8? Also, fuck the Trade Federation. Why are they even a thing. Literally useless.
The Trade Federation was just a tool for Sideous to start a galactic sized war and play both sides while spreading the Jedi thin and wiping them out before stepping up to Galactic Emperor and then ending the war to solidify his leadership by looking like the hero.

The Expanded Universe also went further in depth with Sidious's rise to power and planning and stuff. There was actually some pretty good political thriller stuff written about it. But the Expanded Universe isn't cannon any more so none of that stuff actually happens except for the watered down bits you get from the movies.

Oh and please do one for Episode VII. I'm kind of sad there are no more movies, your reviews were fun to read.
 

13thforsworn

Well-Known Member
Member
The Trade Federation was just a tool for Sideous to start a galactic sized war and play both sides while spreading the Jedi thin and wiping them out before stepping up to Galactic Emperor and then ending the war to solidify his leadership by looking like the hero.
Ya, I came to realize this, but from Episode I I was wondering what he was doing with the Trade Federation. Turns out it was just an arbitrary name for a generic "bad guy" organization.

Oh and please do one for Episode VII. I'm kind of sad there are no more movies, your reviews were fun to read.
Planning to go for 9:45 with a friend, weather permitting. Some crazy sleet going on right now.
 

Requiem

Well-Known Member
Member
They're all so amazing! That's the one I was looking at at the time, so I linked it, but they're all very good.
 
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