Active The Mach Games

[Colonel Thunder]

Final Day

4 Tributes Remaining

Scene 3/7

--

Easy and Tolvan slowly circle around each other, fists raised. Both of them seem to hear a melody from the past, and a certain tune fills the arena as they duel..


Easy:

So again we meet

Two forgotten sons in the eye of the storm

You say that you're here for peace

But you're the one built for war


Tolvan:

I’m unlike the bots you've seen

I’m not free from the failings of humanity

We've reached the end

Easy please be my friend


Easy:

How can there be peace while you still stand

You’re a machine who calls himself a man

You fight for a dream that can never be

Your arguments are noise

It’s time to make your choice


"Submit to your rightful death!" shouts Easy, swinging at Tolvan.

Tolvan leaps above him and Easy hits a tree, leaving a fist sized hole in its trunk.

Tolvan kicks off of the tree and tackles Easy, knocking him to the ground and punching him once in the chest. Tolvan tries to leap to safety before Easy recovers, but is too late. Easy grabs Tolvan's leg and swings the boy over his head and into the ground, leaving a small crater.

Tolvan rolls to the side to dodge and earth-shattering punch and tries to punch Easy in the temple. Easy deflects the blow and faces Tolvan. The two exchange a series of lightning fast punches maneuvers, each blocking the other in near perfect synchrony.


Tolvan:

And what of you

Even Easy can't hide his pain it is real

You say you weren't his son at all

But when he left tell me did you feel

You say your mind has been made

You’re afraid your purpose has been taken away

If you befriend me

Together we'll show them the way


Easy:

How can there be peace while you still stand

You’re a machine who calls himself a man

You fight for a dream that can never be

Your arguments are noise

It’s time to make your choice



Both fighters begin to tire.

Easy grabs hold of Tolvan's side and begins crushing his hip. He hears circuits break and feels sparks sting his skin.

Tolvan flails for a hold on Easy and spots his injured shoulder. He squeezes the muscle as hard as he can and hears swollen blood vessels popping like bubble wrap.

Easy gives a cry of pain and headbutts Tolvan. They both release their grips on each other. Easy begins swinging at Tolvan with renewed fury, and Tolvan daftly dodges them with unmatched focus.


Easy/(Tolvan):

We’ve been here before (I swear we can have peace)

You know what’s in store (I'm not just a machine)

Your life is obsolete (I have meaning)

Both:

History will (won't) repeat

This will be (could be) the last time

One last time


Easy :

You fight for a dream

That can never be

Your arguments are noise

It’s time to make your choice


Easy and Tolvan separate and regain their composure. The wind picks up.




Easy/(Tolvan):

How can there be peace (while you're still mad)

You’re a machine (who calls himself a man!)

Both:

You fight for a dream that can never be

Your arguments are noise

It’s time to make your choice


A large helicopter flies overhead, dropping two immense silver packages in front of both Easy and Tolvan.

"Hey, you guys are doing great down there!" says a faintly familiar voice.

"Yeah!" says another faintly recognizable voice. "Your fight is bringing in even more viewers than the other fight!"

"Here's some equipment to liven things up!" says the first.

"Keep up the good work!" says the second.

With that, the helicopter flies out of sight, and the packages deconstruct to reveal the items within.

An Administrator Panel sits in front of Easy.

0corn's Hammer sits in front of Tolvan.

"How unfortunate," says Easy, placing the glowing admin panel on his palm. "Only a true Defender can wield that hammer. Since 0corn left, I've been the only one-"

Tolvan picks up the hammer with one hand and assumes a defensive stance. Blue energy courses through him.

"So be it," growls Easy, now glowing red as the admin panel morphs into a powerful suit around him.

Tolvan soars upward into the sky, followed by Easy. The battle between the two has reached its final stage.


--

...

 

[Colonel Thunder]

Final Day

4 Tributes Remaining

Scene 4/7

--

Coolpool reloads his uzi and fires at Druby. Druby throws his hatchet at Coolpool, but Coolpool ducks and the hatchet embeds itself in a tree behind him. Coolpool listens for the sound of Druby's hookshot to triangulate his location.

"He's too fast!" thinks Druby. "By the time I try to set up a shot, he can already guess where I am!"

A bullet grazes Druby's arm and he realizes he's running out of time. Suddenly, he gets an idea.

Coolpool hears the twang of Druby's hookshot and feels a piece of metal smack into his chest. Coolpool fires forward, expecting Druby to follow the hookshot's trajectory and knock him down.

But the air fails to bleed.

Coolpool feels a 'woosh' of air above him and turns to fire.

But he is too late.

Druby lands behind Coolpool and shoots him point-blank in the back with his sniper rifle.

Coolpool collapses to his knees, takes several deep breaths, and falls over.

"It's over," thinks Druby, coming out of stealth mode. "That was a dirty trick, but it was the only way I cou-"

Coolpool quickly rolls over and shoots at Druby.

One of the bullets strike Druby's cloaking device. It sparks and hisses as it dies. The other bullet passes through Druby's calf, causing him to collapse.

Druby gives a cry of pain as he falls. His sniper rifle hits the ground and falls out of reach.

"You...idiot," says Coolpool with gritted teeth. "I have a bulletproof vest, remember?"

"Bet that still hurt real bad though," smiles Druby, trying to mask his pain.

Coolpool fires at Druby, but his uzi is empty.

"Useless weapon," says Coolpool, unholstering his laser pistol. "Ah, finally the real weapon is ready to use."

"Any last words?" asks Coolpool, aiming at the helpless Druby.

Suddenly, Druby remembers a science lesson from the past. Easy and Stoney had been talking about the properties of light and invited Druby to join in. Druby finally understood why his sponsors gave him what they did.

"Last words?" asks Druby, diving for his pack as Coolpool fires at him. "Yeah! Retroflection!"

Druby pulls the small mirror out of his pack and turns it to face Coolpool just as the laser hits him. The laser reflects perfectly off the mirror and soars back towards Coolpool.

Despite the laser traveling at the speed of light, Druby has time to watch Coolpool's face turn to horror as the laser reflects into his own laser pistol.

Bushes burn and trees shatter as a sizable explosion rocks the ground where Coolpool stood.

Druby uses his hookshot to escape the blast, but the wave of heat still blisters him.

Druby takes a moment to celebrate before realizing his leg is still badly bleeding. A few minutes later, he is bandaging himself with the medical supplies Coolpool left. The sponsor package had preserved them from the explosion.

"Shoulda stuck with CYOAs," says Druby sadly, observing the scorched earth where Coolpool had stood.

Druby continues heading towards the flare he saw earlier. Perhaps the remaining tributes were calling a truce.


--

...

 

[Jeroth]

Tolvan soars upward into the sky, followed by Easy. The battle between the two has reached its final stage.


--

...

No Dragonball Z jokes? God damn.

Coolpool pulls the small mirror out of his pack and turns it to face Coolpool just as the laser hits him. The laser reflects perfectly off the mirror and soars back towards Coolpool.

God damn, Coolpool went full retard. :^)

 

[Colonel Thunder]

Gah, fixed that typo.

I'm sure there will be more.

 

[Colonel Thunder]

Final Day

? Tributes Remaining

Scene 5/7

--

Easy and Tolvan soar high above the forest, allowing the energy of their Legendary weapons to course through them.

Easy fires the first shot, shooting a massive energy beam at Tolvan. Tolvan deflects the blow with 0corn's hammer, sending trails of energy bursting across the sky like deadly fireworks. Tolvan hurls an arc of electricity at Easy but Easy dives under it with ease.

Once more a tune fills the arena..


Easy:

0corn you once told me

You had a dream

We'd protect our fragile forum

With Defender Easy

But a trail of mistakes

They made you lose faith

But I’ve come too far to turn around

Our world's at stake

I'm here to fight again

To give Tolvan a war

When I kill him I’ll start again

The way you said before

The way it was before…


Tolvan:

I refuse to believe

That I’m nothing more than a machine

I refuse to believe

That I haven't learned to see

We're on the same team

I will not kill

No I will – believe.


Easy dives into a nearby mountain and picks a third of it up with the strength of the Admin Panel. He hurls it at Tolvan. Tolvan strikes the mountain with 0corn's hammer, shattering it to boulders - but he's still thrown back, and nearly plummets into the earth before regaining his wits. Tolvan comes to just in time to avoid the second mountain-chunk, and Easy's fury continues in such a way.

Tolvan dodges some, rebukes some with the Hammer, and uses bolts of lightning to deflect others.


Easy:

Tolvan you walk a program

What system do you serve

Your song is just lines of code

Or something that you heard

And now you want to know

What you’re supposed to be

Stop pretending that you have a choice

Only death will set you free

I watched you burn my world

Choc is underground

You took his life, my destiny

I'm putting you down

Tolvan, I'm putting you down


Tolvan:

I refuse to believe

That I’m nothing more than a machine

I refuse to believe

That I haven't learned to see

We're on the same team

I will not kill

No I will – believe.


Easy uses his last chunk of mountain and smites Tolvan with it, knocking him across the sky. Easy uses all the power of the Admin Panel to burst forward, tackling Tolvan with incredible force before he can recover. Easy pins Tolvan's arms and the two of them begin plummeting towards the ground, Easy bent on crushing Tolvan once and for all. Tolvan offers little resistance, and speaks calmly to Easy.


Tolvan:

Believe

Believe me when I say

If I could undo that day

I’d do it, I would

For my crimes

Should my life you take

Does that mean no man or machine

Can learn from his mistakes?


Easy:

No man or machine

Is more than their mistakes!


Easy slams Tolvan into the earth with incredible force. Even the power of the Hammer can't save Tolvan completely. Easy rides Tolvan's body into the ground, carving a deep trench into the earth and grinding Tolvan's arm and part of his face off.

Tolvan lies beaten on the ground and struggles to stand as Easy gets off of him.

Easy summons a precise, killing blow and a thin beam of red energy pierces the air between them but stops just shy of Tolvan.

The holy energy of 0corn's Hammer seems to refuse Tolvan such a death, and the harder Easy concentrates the brighter blue Tolvan shines.

Tolvan slowly stands once more and assumes a defensive stance with the hammer.


Tolvan:

I refuse to believe

That I’m nothing more than a machine

I refuse to believe

That I haven't learned to see

We're on the same team

I will not kill-


Easy smites again, but Tolvan soars upwards and dodges it. Easy soars upwards as well and the two exchange blows with new vigor.


Tolvan:

I refuse to believe

That I’m nothing more than a machine

I refuse to believe

We can't share this dream

We're on the same team

You need not kill


In a move of desperation, Easy drains the Admin Panel of all power and focuses a single, gigantic permaban death beam at Tolvan. It lights up the sky.

Tolvan responds with the most holy of lightning bolts from 0corn's Hammer, and the two meet in the vast air between them. The energies consume one another, resulting in a massive explosion that levels a quarter of the arena.

Easy struggles to stay conscious as he plummets towards the Earth, summoning the fleeting energy in the Admin Panel to change his trajectory and not die on impact. Easy succeeds in changing his trajectory, but the Admin Panel, now drained of all energy, disassembles itself and falls to the earth. Easy crash-lands hard, digging a small trench of his own and stopping at the base of a large tree, in the clearing where the fight had began.

Easy doesn't move.

--

...

 

[Easy]

Clearly, Tolvan must now be dead as fuck. I never miss a smite.

 

[Colonel Thunder]

Final Day

? Tributes Remaining

Scene 6/7

--

Easy coughs up some blood. All the forest around him is covered in ash.

Tolvan, still holding 0corn's Hammer, lands gently in front of him. He doesn't look good either.

Easy can probably stand if he wants to. But his ribs are broken, and maybe his leg too. His only good arm is dislocated.

Easy stares up at Tolvan, face shredded and missing an arm.

"Do it," says Easy, looking at the hammer. "Finish the job."

"We were just boys," says Tolvan. "I'm going home."

Tolvan begins walking away.

"Get back here!" says Easy, carefully standing to his feet. "Finish this!"

Tolvan continues walking away, holding the Hammer with his one remaining arm.

"That hammer doesn't belong to you!" shouts Easy, limping towards Tolvan. "You don't deserve it! MY father made that hammer!"

Tolvan drops the hammer and continues walking, its power gone from him.

This is his chance.

Easy yells and dashes forward as quick as he can. He tries to smite the powerless Tolvan with the Hammer, but something else happens.

0corn's hammer stays rooted to the ground.

Easy pulls with all his might, but the hammer will not budge.

No power courses through Easy.

Tolvan walks out of sight as reality dawns and Easy collapses.

Easy spends hours fading in and out of torturous consciousness.

Eventually, for the last time, a tune fills the arena..


Easy:

Urealms falling shook my walls

It was coming down

The empty halls filled with flame

And everything was burning to the ground

I called your name, I tried to warn

But you didn’t hear

You were torn

Between the people and your fears


And I wish that I could be the one

To finally show the way

And I wish that I could be your son

Who knew just what to say

But I know now there is nothing

I could ever say or do

Tolvan's the one

0corn chose him to be his son…


If I was standing where you are

I think I would have done what 0corn wants

But now I know what I’ve become


He said to me that I would be

That I would be the light when they couldn’t see

That what they need, the man Easy

That would give them hope

That could keep them free

That when they’d fall still I would stand

Defender built from common man


It seems so strange, so very odd

My hero's hero could be so very flawed…



Easy feels the wind on his face, and sees a familiar silhouette before him.

Easy rubs his eyes, but it's true.

The Spirit of 0corn hovers before him.

He looks sad.



0corn:

An apology, so sorry for the man I was

For the father I couldn’t be

That you could not be what you thought built to be

In my truest heart I swear its broken to see your face

To see you fight a desperate war

Thinking he took your place




Easy gets up and speaks to the spirit.



Easy:

There is a song I hear

A melody from our past

When you spoke the first time

I found my home at last

Tolvan's the one

The hero who will stand

Can't blame you, father

You were only a man



Easy tries to embrace 0corn but fades through him. 0corn smiles and tears up.




0corn:

What was filled with rage finally understands

Man is not without mistake

Just like that which he builds from his hands



Easy:

Though my fate is broken my path I cannot see

Though Tolvan's the chosen

I’ll make my own history…


There is a song I hear

A melody from our past

When you spoke the first time

I found my home at last

We're both the one

The heroes who will stand

I love you father

Now I understand



0corn smiles and ascends into the heavens as Easy falls unconscious.

--

...

 

[Tirin]

Easy dives into a nearby mountain and picks a third of it up with the strength of the Admin Panel.

Nawh, man, that's all Rock.

In a move of desperation, Easy drains the Admin Panel of all power and focuses a single, gigantic permaban death beam at Tolvan. It lights up the sky.

Oh, come on, shit like that never works. Usually not in admin hands, let alone by someone who ain't familiar with it.

 

[Easy]

Should'a used the screwdriver...

 

[Colonel Thunder]

Final Day

? Tributes Remaining

Scene 7/7

--

Tolvan spends the next few hours limping through the woods. Eventually he comes across a still lake and takes a drink from it. He begins fixing the dangling circuits where his arm used to be.

A soft whistle grabs his attention.

Tolvan looks up and sees Druby, slowly limping towards him. His leg is heavily bandaged.

"Coolpool?" asks Tolvan.

"I'm afraid he won't be joining us," says Druby, taking a drink from the lake at Tolvan's side. "Easy?"

"Easy...I don't think he'll come with us," says Tolvan sadly.

"Is he still alive?" asks Druby.

"I hope," says Tolvan.

The two enjoy a quiet moment together.

"I saw a portion of your battle in the sky," says Druby. "Did you see any exits to the arena?"

"No," says Tolvan. "Just forest as far as I could see. But, I think it might be an illusion. Something about this place seems to be man-made."

"How 'bout tomorrow we head in a direction and see if we hit a wall?" says Druby.

"I'd like that," says Tolvan.

"You uh, you gonna be alright missing an arm?" asks Druby.

"I think so," says Tolvan. "And your leg?"

"Yeah, I'll be okay," says Druby. "It was a hell of a fight, you should have seen it."

"Hopefully yours had less singing," jokes Tolvan.

Druby seems confused but doesn't ask.

The unmistakable sound of slow-clapping startles them.

Druby and Tolvan turn around to see Coolpool, horribly disfigured with the majority of his skin burnt off and limbs twisted at odd angles.

"How adorable," says Coolpool in a new, guttural voice. "The coward and the robot put aside their differences after having grown through the horrors of the Games."

"Coolpool....how?" asks Druby.

"I was thrown far from the blast, landing in a ditch near death," says Coolpool. "I don't know how long I laid there, writhing in agony as you left me. Then, I saw the battle in the sky, and an artifact dropped near me. I used the last of my energy to crawl towards it, and it's currently sustaining my life."

Tolvan notices a faint shimmer of red energy around Coolpool. He instantly regrets having abandoned 0corn's hammer.

"Coolpool, you can still come with us," pleads Tolvan.

"Despite all that's happened," says Druby quietly. "We can still go home together."

"Fat chance," says Coolpool, launching a massive permaban beam at the two of them.

Druby pulls out his mirror and is knocked backwards when the beam hits it. The mirror shatters into dozens of pieces, each duplicating and reflecting the beam into the nearby lake.

The lake bubbles and froths. Soon, a horrifying purple vortex forms in the lake, sucking up all the water and creating a glowing purple hurricane of untold destruction.

"Coolpool, what have you done!" shouts Tolvan.

Druby uses his hookshot to escape the immediate vicinity, but the wind is still incredibly strong. Coolpool is nowhere to be seen.

Druby sees Tolvan still near the lake, desperately holding on to the branches of a tree near the water with his one arm. His grip weakens.

"Druby, get out of here!" shouts Tolvan. "Find the Hammer, it's your only hope!"

Druby looks to the safety of the forest beyond and then back at Tolvan.

Druby grits his teeth and hookshots to the tree where Tolvan's mounting his last stand.

"Hold on to me," says Druby. "I'm getting us out of here!"

"I don't think so," says Coolpool, floating down from the sky, unaffected by the wind. "No last words this time."

Coolpool fires a death beam at the two of them, but a bolt of lightning intercepts the beam and deflects it into the lake.

"No," gasps Coolpool, staring into the woods beyond. "It...can't be..."

Tolvan and Druby begin to cheer.

Easy Rider walks before them, unaffected by the wind. He wields 0corn's Hammer, and its holy energy courses through him.

Easy, the Defender, approaches Coolpool.

Coolpool fires death ray after death ray at Easy, but not even the Admin Panel can pierce the divine shield around Easy.

"Coolpool, let them go," says Easy. "You were never meant to wield an Admin Panel, its power is corrupting you like it has so many others."

"I was already corrupted!" insists Coolpool.

"Coolpool," says Easy calmly. "You unban that hurricane, put down your weapons...you're one of us."

"I don't...understand," says Coolpool.

"We let go of all of it, and nobody dies," says Easy. "Everyone who's alive right now. Everyone's who's made it this far. We've all done the worst kinds of things just to stay alive. But we can still come back. We're not too far gone."

"A good friend taught me that," says Easy, smiling at Tolvan.

Tolvan smiles back.

"B-but," says Coolpool, tearing up. "I was going to win. For once, I was going to be honored and respected and win..I can't..I...no! You're a liar! You're a LIAR!"

Coolpool screams and a ripple of dark energy pulses out of him.

The tree Tolvan and Druby cling to is uprooted and thrown into the hurricane void.

Druby shoots his hookshot towards Easy and Easy flies forward to grab it, but he's tackled away by Coolpool just inches away.

Druby and Tolvan are destroyed, consumed by the dark hurricane and instantly torn to pieces.

"No!" shouts Easy.

Coolpool tries to strike Easy down, but is of course unable.

Easy launches through the forest pinning Coolpool, smashing him through trees, rocks, and mountains. Easy strikes Coolpool again and again with the mighty wrath of the hammer, creating several new craters with Coolpool's form.

After several more minutes of slaughter, Easy crushes Coolpool into the earth and rips the now near-destroyed Admin Panel from Coolpool's arm.

Easy rips off a portion of Coolpool's arm along with the Panel.

"Wait...wait," says Coolpool, slowly standing one last time. "You can't kill me Easy. I'm the only friend you have left. Everyone else is dead. You've failed them all. Without me, what kind of Defender would y-"

Easy shoves the sharpened hilt of 0corn's Hammer into Coolpool's gut.

Coolpool makes a gurgling sound in his throat and turns pale.

Easy swings the Hammer upward, ripping Coolpool open from his stomach to his neck.

As his enemy's organs spill out on the ground in front of him, Easy smites Coolpool with the Hammer, shattering all of his bones and sending his burnt, pulpy, bloody mass into the hurricane where it is destroyed forever.

Easy drops the Hammer and equips the Admin Panel. He uses the last of its power to "unban" the dark hurricane, stopping it just before it goes nova.

The wind dies down and the sun returns.

There is no trace of Druby, Tolvan, or Coolpool.

Easy is alone.

Easy falls unconscious once more, and the Administrator's helicopters arrive to awaken and congratulate the victor.

Easy Rider has won the Mach Games.

 

[Colonel Thunder]

Epilogue tonight. It's almost fully written, but I got some stuff to do.

 

[Tirin]

Thank fucking God.

 

[Easy]

Easy can probably stand if he wants to. But his ribs are broken, and maybe his leg too. His only good arm is dislocated.

Fun fact: this actually doesn't happen to me. My shoulders are weird, and not even fixed in their sockets. The muscles are all that's keeping them in position, and if I relax either shoulder, I can pull the arm in and out of the joint freely and painlessly.

Doctors freaked out a bit when I first brought it up, casually, a long time ago. But after years of intense yet complication-free physical activity, the standard diagnosis seems to have pretty much evolved into: [*shrug* "Well, hey. If it works, it works."]

More importantly, though, I've written up an alternate ending to the series that I'd like to humbly submit for consideration:

Spoiler

Battered, bleeding, and breathing heavily, Easy struggles to climb to his feet, and then looks down at his opponent. "User Tolvan," he says, eerily calm. "Are you now able to leave the Games?"

BRRZZR-K, BZZT says the tangled, disjointed heap of circuitry.

"Good." Says Easy, giving the bloody screwdriver one final thrust, just slightly left of center of the robot's chest board, and leaves it there. "Then you can take that with you, you metal bastard." He plants a foot on the body, and shoves off, sending it clanking and rolling down into a nearby ditch. Satisfied, he turns around, only to see the ghost of Chocobo appear in front of him.

"Thaaank yoouu, Rock," says the ghost. "Nooww I can finally rest in peeaace..."

"Me too, old friend, me too. Now that justice has been done." Easy smiles.

"Guess I'll be seeing you in the afterlife, then."

"Maayyyybe," says the ghost, as it starts fading away. "Or maybe I'll just reincarnate here, maybe start Deathless again, maybe join the Fantasy Nations RP. I hear it's... really good..."

Easy smiles some more. "I'd like that," he says. And then Chocobo is gone. The sound of chopper blades to the west catches his attention.

"Oh, I guess those other scrubs must have killed each other already," he surmises, turning to face the incoming helicopters. "Well then, so be it." He shrugs, and starts walking out to meet them. Behind him, the first rays of dawn start to break over the horizon.

Pretty good, right?

 

[Jeroth]

Epilogue tonight. It's almost fully written, but I got some stuff to do.

Nice job busting this out.

Also, I enjoy the difference between "Easy" and "Easy Rider"

 

[Walrus]

Coolpool...

He was the kind of sadistic winner these horrible games deserved.

But not the one that this community needed right now.

 

[Tirin]

"You were never meant to wield an Admin Panel, its power is corrupting you like it has so many others."

Also, I have to say that this line in particular greatly pleases me, for a number of reasons. The most prominent among them has to be this.

 

[Jeroth]

Safe to say, my favorite bit of forum lore in a while. I'm really glad that @Colonel Thunder took on the tumultuous task of writing this all up.

 

[Requiem]

Yeah, good stuff.

 

[Colonel Thunder]

Daww, thanks guys. I had fun doing this.

 

[Colonel Thunder]

Epilogue

Scene 1/4

--

"What a complete and utter failure," says Stealthy, turning off the TV and shaking his head.

Of all the forumers watching the Games' conclusion, Stealthy was the most disappointed. He took no notice of all the partying and celebration that was happening in his own mansion.

"You didn't like the Games?" asks Lumpy.

"No, that was awful," says Stealthy. "I should have known my own clone would have guessed what was going on the whole time. I just didn't think he'd be so existential as to not win anyways."

"There was no guarantee you were going to win anyways," says Ro Ro Ro.

"I didn't invite Team Dash," growls Stealthy. "What the hell are you doing in my house?"

"Recon said it was for the whole forum," shrugs Ro.

"Great," says Stealthy. "I need a drink."

Stealthy walks past various celebrating forumers in his living room and gets a drink from the open bar.

"You look really shitty," comments Ciflit.

"Yeah, well not only did I lose the Games," says Stealthy. "But I lost a lot of money betting on Tirin."

"Me too," says Ciflit quietly. "Please don't tell him that."

"According to my analysis," says Stoney, holding a tablet. "Almost every major financial player on this side of the Internet lost money betting on Tirin. But, a number of them also bet on Easy, so some of them recovered the loss."

"I'm sure easy made millions betting on himself," says Stealthy, taking another drink. "As if we needed to develop his ego any more."

"To be fair," says Stoney. "We did just watch him have an entire week of daddy issues."

"Still," Stealthy says. "I regret being the Administrator for these Games. If I do it again, I think I'll do it much better."

"Oh, what are you complaning about!" says Lotus loudly, a little drunk. This seems to grab the room's attention. "My clone barely got any screen time at all! And I'm like, your best new guy!"

"What about me!" complains Whitetiger. "The only thing my clone did was fuel Lotus' character arc. And he died like a second after me anyways!"

"I'm okay with things," says Tag Ross. "I got to kill Stealthy, which I'm pretty sure no one else has done. And though I didn't win, my clone at least did better than I do in most mafia games."

"I don't believe it!" says Andy. "Despite my indestructible Australian genes, my wanker clone still couldn't win!"

"You had a good chance of winning," says Dunsparce. "I think you might have, but Coolpool was really antag...um, you know."

"Coolpool, I'm so proud of you," says Walrus, giving Coolpool a very awkward hug. "You did great in the Games! And your clone's madness was even bordering on Walrus Logic!"

"Uh, thanks," says Coolpool, eyeing the nearest exit.

"I would be honored to have you be my new apprentice!" declares Walrus.

"Oh, um," stammers Coolpool. "That's okay, I think I'd rather-"

"Excellent! We'll start your work early tomorrow!" says Walrus. "You have lots of common sense to unlearn!"

Coolpool sadly sips his soda.

"You jags can shut the fuck up," says Tirin. "If anybody has the right to complain about the Games, it's me. Y'fuckers'll be lucky if there's not a financial recession due to all the lost bets on me."

Tirin grumbles about being cheapshot and sulks by the booze.

"Shit would have been way cooler if I was in it," says Salsy. "Even Null would have livened things up."

Null shrugs, and Shadow begins boasting on how he'd kill people with trains if he was in the Games.

"I didn't think I'd make it that far at all!" says Druby excitedly. "I feel a lot more confident about my own strengths now."

"Same here, Druby!" says Shizno. "I didn't think I'd be so many peoples' favorite! I've been getting so many phone calls and emails from fans asking how to be more like me."

"That's kind of disturbing," says Druby excitedly.

"I couldn't pay attention because of those dorky announcers," complains Ibix. "Who were those two anyways?"

"Speaking of dorks," says Stealthy. "TC. Rondait. You are the worst volunteers I've ever had, and you should kill yourselves."

"I did my best!" says TC. "I'm sorry I kept mixing up the sponsor packages, it was really confusing!"

"You got like, three of them right," says Stealthy. "Out of two dozen. Nobody received the right gear. And you, Rondait."

"What did I do?" asks Rondait.

"You didn't give the tributes the right packages either," says Stealthy."Yyou just gave them hatchets all the time!"

"That's what the announcers said to do," says Rondait. "They said 'whatever you donate, we'll hatchet'. You know, like give them a hatchet."

"They said 'we'll MATCH it, you idiot," shouts Zircom.

Several forumers throw fruit, meats, and little cheeses at TC and Rondait, booing them for their incompetence.

"Oh, whatever," says TC. "Rondait let's go home. Wait...where are my car keys?"

"Firedemon stole those and left about an hour ago," says Maretocks. "Along with your wallet. And a bunch of random shit in this room. Also Shizno's pants."

Shizno looks down and realizes that he's in his underwear. Everyone has a laugh.

"Haha, that was pretty crazy what happened in the arena," laughs Req nervously. "Apparently the clone machine messed up and turned my clone gay isn't that weird haha."

"Yeah, haha," laughs Jeroth very awkwardly. "I'm uh, I'm going to go get a drink."

"Those Games were too boring," says Danny. "Everyone was being turds."

"Yeah," agrees Bob. "See you guys later, I'm going home."

Bob and Danny begin walking out.

"Wait!" says Pally. "Danny, are you sure you don't want to take home any leftover pizza?"

Danny grumbles and continues walking away, but 13th blocks his path.

"Hold it!" shouts 13th. "We can NOT ignore what was revealed in the Games."

"Yeah, is Tolvan really a robot?" asks Milamber. "Did he really kill Chocobo?"

"I don't remember anything like that," says Tolvan. "But...my clone did, so I guess I must have? And how do I tell if I'm a robot?"

Stealthy sighs and withdraws a handgun. He shoots Tolvan twice in the chest and places it down on the bar.

People gasp as Tolvan stumbles backwards. Tolvan's chest begins leaking a bit of oil, but other than that he is unharmed.

"Oh," says Tolvan. "I guess I am a robot."

"That's crazy!" says Rondait. "I didn't know we were all robots!"

Rondait picks up Stealthy's gun and shoots Coolpool in the leg. Coolpool begins bleeding and falls to the ground cursing.

"No, just Tolvan, dummy!" says Ibix.

"Oh..." says Rondait, sheepishly handing the gun back to an amused Stealthy as Frilzer begins treating Coolpool.

"If all this is true," says 13th. "Then I'm afraid I must put Tolvan under arrest for the murder of Chocobo."

Several forumers object.

"I accept my fate," says Tolvan, holding his hands out for the cuffs. "I may not have known what I was doing, but that doesn't undo the damage I caused."

"I wish there was another way," says 13th. "But the law is the law."

"Wait, 13th," says Easy. "I destroyed the original Tolvan chasse years ago, in 0corn's workshop. The Tolvan you see now has only a few pieces from that model."

"I think I see where you're going," says 13th excitedly.

"Correct me if I'm wrong," says Easy. "But there's no legislation regarding the treatment of sentient bots, meaning Tolvan must be tried as any one of us."

"That's correct," says Artist, chiming in.

"If that's the case, then justice was already served," declares Easy. "Because Tolvan as we know him now has a few parts and scattered memories from the offending model, he has no more relation to the offending model than if a murderer donated a kidney to a random citizen."

"The logic there is very fuzzy Easy," says Stealthy. "But, I believe it would be up to the Forum Admin to decide Tolvan's prosecution."

Everybody looks at Artist and Recon.

"Uh..." says Artist. "I have no clue. Recon?"

Recon shrugs.

"Tolvan seems like a cool guy," says Recon. "He can go free."

Several of the forumers cheer, and 13th happily undoes Tolvan's handcuffs.


"Easy," says Tolvan. "Thank you so much. I'm so sorry for all the trouble I've caused you. I never meant to hurt anyone, but that doesn't undo my actions."

"I forgive you," says Easy. "And I'm sorry too. 0corn wasn't a perfect father to either of us, and I blamed that all on you. But despite his and our failures, I don't think it'll stop us from being the men we were meant to be."

"You know," says Tolvan. "If we called the same guy 'father', that kind of makes us brothers."

"Yeah it does," says Easy, and the two of them share a bro-hug.

A surprising number of forumers 'awww'.

Tirin shouts 'gaaaaaaay'.

"Easy," says Recon. "You've seen every form of right and wrong in your history. I would be honored if you'd be Mach Entertainment's Defender."

"Thank you, Recon, thank you," smiles Easy. "But...I'm going to have to decline."

"But why?" asks Artist. "I think Tolvan's the one you should train in that stuff. Besides, I kinda like doing things my own way. I could be a Defender, but...I'd rather be a BAMF'N Free Roller."

"I can't argue with that," says Recon. "Could I at least talk you into being a Justice of the Peace?"

"We'll talk about that tomorrow," laughs Easy.

"We're doing another Mach Games next week, right?" asks Tirin. "One where I won't die to contrived bullshit?"

"I don't know Tirin," says Recon. "The Mach Games were a fun community event, but it was more stressful and sad then fun. We all saw a lot of our darker natures come out that we'd rather not see again.".

"I've taken several lessons from seeing the games unfold,"" says Druby. "But I wouldn't want a clone of me to have to go through that and probably die. That feels wrong."

Several forumers share this concern. Tirin mumbles something about everyone being pussies.

"Henceforth, there will be no more Mach Games," declares Recon. "And Clone Easy will be granted full citizenship."

"Where is Clone Easy anyways?" asks Ibix. "He was supposed to be here awhile ago."

"Oh come ON!" shouts Stealthy. "Banning the Games due to CLONE rights? Who cares about the clones, they're born to be fodder!"

"I couldn't disagree more," says Jeroth. "I was pretty uncomfortable watching the Games go down. Those could have been us in there just as easily. I don't want to see the Games happen again either."

"Seriously?" says Stealthy. "Please don't tell me Tirin's the only one of my side here."

Only a few degenerate forumers voice their support of Stealthy and another round of Mach Games.

"No way I'm taking sides with that bastard," says Tirin. "Nevermind, fuck the Mach Games they were trash anyways."

"It seems like we all learned a lot of valuable lessons from these Games," says Walrus.

"I hate to agree with Walrus," says Req. "But he's right."

"I have a good feeling about this guys," says Shizno. "I think Mach Entertainment just entered a new era of peace and understanding. Now who wants to eat more snacks?"

The forumers cheer.

"What-fucking-ever," complains Stealthy. "We can go back to the party, just let me take a picture first."

"Wait, why is Stealthy wearing sunglasses?" asks TC.

"You bastard!" shouts Easy.

Stealthy holds up a small metal device the size of a pen. A bright light fills the room and everybody falls unconscious.