Holy guacamole, man, that was sweet!
Active The Mach Games
- Thread starter Jeroth
- Start date
Epilogue
Scene 2/4
--
"Uh...what happened?" asks Chickenspleen, slowly rising to his feet. All around him, forumers are passed out on the floor of Stealthy's mansion. Many of them are just waking up. It's early morning. There are party decorations and spoiled food everywhere.
Chickenspleen sees a door open just a crack, and a small black ball bounces into the room as the door closes. The ball comes to a halt and emits an ear-piercing shriek. The next few seconds see every forumer coming to and covering their ears. Then the device shuts off.
"Okay, out of my house you morons," says Stealthy, walking into the room unshaven and in his bathrobe. "You had your party, now go home."
"What happened?" asks Lotus.
"I threw a party to celebrate Mach's Anniversary," says Stealthy. "And you morons all got drunk off my free booze and passed out on the floor."
"Wow," says Lotus. "I don't remember any of that."
"Sounds like you had a great time," says Stealthy. "Now somebody roll over Rondait so he doesn't choke on his own vomit. Or don't, I don't care."
Stealthy opens the blinds, and the bright sun elicits groans from all the groggy forumers. Stealthy then walks to his front door and opens it wide, pointing outside.
"Everyone out," says Stealthy. "You've made a mess of the place."
"Thanks for the party," says Tirin on his way out.
"Thanks for coming, you can go now," says Stealthy.
Stealthy shows every forumer out in this fashion. Easy is the last one out.
"You know, it's funny," says Easy, staring Stealthy down. "I don't feel hungover. An awfully close sensation, but not an authentic Polish hangover."
"I guess even you have your limits," smiles Stealthy.
"I wonder what really happened last night," says Easy.
"Probably regrets," smiles Stealthy.
Easy glares at Stealthy for several seconds before exiting the mansion, and Stealthy quietly closes the door behind him.
Scene 2/4
--
"Uh...what happened?" asks Chickenspleen, slowly rising to his feet. All around him, forumers are passed out on the floor of Stealthy's mansion. Many of them are just waking up. It's early morning. There are party decorations and spoiled food everywhere.
Chickenspleen sees a door open just a crack, and a small black ball bounces into the room as the door closes. The ball comes to a halt and emits an ear-piercing shriek. The next few seconds see every forumer coming to and covering their ears. Then the device shuts off.
"Okay, out of my house you morons," says Stealthy, walking into the room unshaven and in his bathrobe. "You had your party, now go home."
"What happened?" asks Lotus.
"I threw a party to celebrate Mach's Anniversary," says Stealthy. "And you morons all got drunk off my free booze and passed out on the floor."
"Wow," says Lotus. "I don't remember any of that."
"Sounds like you had a great time," says Stealthy. "Now somebody roll over Rondait so he doesn't choke on his own vomit. Or don't, I don't care."
Stealthy opens the blinds, and the bright sun elicits groans from all the groggy forumers. Stealthy then walks to his front door and opens it wide, pointing outside.
"Everyone out," says Stealthy. "You've made a mess of the place."
"Thanks for the party," says Tirin on his way out.
"Thanks for coming, you can go now," says Stealthy.
Stealthy shows every forumer out in this fashion. Easy is the last one out.
"You know, it's funny," says Easy, staring Stealthy down. "I don't feel hungover. An awfully close sensation, but not an authentic Polish hangover."
"I guess even you have your limits," smiles Stealthy.
"I wonder what really happened last night," says Easy.
"Probably regrets," smiles Stealthy.
Easy glares at Stealthy for several seconds before exiting the mansion, and Stealthy quietly closes the door behind him.
Epilogue
Scene 3/4
--
"Ha, what a great gig!" says Lord Fuse. "I can't believe Stealthy let you and I be the announcers for the Mach Games!"
"Right?" says Reaprar. "We got to spend a week watching those idiots kill each other and just talk about it!"
"Haha, what great sport!" boasts Fuse, pouring the two of them a few glasses of wine. "And to think, all it cost was a blood oath granting Stealthy any favor at any point of his choosing!"
"Yeah, it didn't even cost money!" laughs Reaparar. "What an idiot!"
The two of them laugh some more.
"A toast!" says Fuse, raising his glass. "To...uh..."
"Being evil buttheads!" shouts Reaprar.
"To being evil buttheads!" echoes Fuse, and the two of them drink.
Suddenly, the doorbell rings.
"I wonder who that could be," says Fuse as he walks towards his front door.
"Stealthy said he was going to send us a thank you gift," says Reaprar. "I bet that's it!"
Reaprar excitedly rushes to the door as well. When Fuse opens the door, there is a strange man standing in front of them.
"Um, hi," says Fuse. "Are you a friend of Stealthy's?"
Tim begins chuckling as he takes in the sight of his two new victims.
"Wait a second," says Reaprar. "Haven't we seen this guy before?"
Tim laughs maniacally and brandishes a large knife.
"Oh no!" shouts Fuse, realization dawning on him.
"Shut the door, shut the door!" pleads Reaprar, but it's too late.
"Stay tuned!" laughs Tim maniacally as he enters the room and shuts the door behind him.
The sounds of girlish screams and furniture crashing echo throughout the neighborhood.
Scene 3/4
--
"Ha, what a great gig!" says Lord Fuse. "I can't believe Stealthy let you and I be the announcers for the Mach Games!"
"Right?" says Reaprar. "We got to spend a week watching those idiots kill each other and just talk about it!"
"Haha, what great sport!" boasts Fuse, pouring the two of them a few glasses of wine. "And to think, all it cost was a blood oath granting Stealthy any favor at any point of his choosing!"
"Yeah, it didn't even cost money!" laughs Reaparar. "What an idiot!"
The two of them laugh some more.
"A toast!" says Fuse, raising his glass. "To...uh..."
"Being evil buttheads!" shouts Reaprar.
"To being evil buttheads!" echoes Fuse, and the two of them drink.
Suddenly, the doorbell rings.
"I wonder who that could be," says Fuse as he walks towards his front door.
"Stealthy said he was going to send us a thank you gift," says Reaprar. "I bet that's it!"
Reaprar excitedly rushes to the door as well. When Fuse opens the door, there is a strange man standing in front of them.
"Um, hi," says Fuse. "Are you a friend of Stealthy's?"
Tim begins chuckling as he takes in the sight of his two new victims.
"Wait a second," says Reaprar. "Haven't we seen this guy before?"
Tim laughs maniacally and brandishes a large knife.
"Oh no!" shouts Fuse, realization dawning on him.
"Shut the door, shut the door!" pleads Reaprar, but it's too late.
"Stay tuned!" laughs Tim maniacally as he enters the room and shuts the door behind him.
The sounds of girlish screams and furniture crashing echo throughout the neighborhood.
Epilogue
Scene 4/4
--
Stealthy's mansion automatically cleans itself. A rather complicated procedure, which stealthy designed himself. But in the end it saves time, and who wants to bother with cleaning?
Stealthy finishes getting ready for his day. He enters his study and updates his notebook detailing forumer strengths and weaknesses. The Games had granted him several important insights, even if they were a financial loss. He'd just rob the funds back anyways.
Stealthy takes a look at a manila folder on his oaken desk. He had retrieved it from the Police Station during a dull moment in the Games. He opens the folder and observes the case file for Chocobo's murder. It contains photos from the scene of the crime, and information on Tolvan, Easy, and Chocobo. Stealthy is surprised the files had survived this long, given the end of Urealms and implosion of Geek2. Files like this usually don't make it this long unless placed under special care.
Such a pity the case file mentions Stealthy directly.
Stealthy tosses the entire folder in his fireplace and makes sure it burns entirely. He then takes a trip to his lab, and the secret lab within that lab.
Stealthy turns on the lights and sits down on a swivel chair.
Various tubes flow into a single large glass container, which Stealthy observes.
An unconscious figure floats in this container, various medical fluids rapidly healing his wounds.
"Now," muses Stealthy, observing Clone Easy in the container. "What do I do with you?"
END
Scene 4/4
--
Stealthy's mansion automatically cleans itself. A rather complicated procedure, which stealthy designed himself. But in the end it saves time, and who wants to bother with cleaning?
Stealthy finishes getting ready for his day. He enters his study and updates his notebook detailing forumer strengths and weaknesses. The Games had granted him several important insights, even if they were a financial loss. He'd just rob the funds back anyways.
Stealthy takes a look at a manila folder on his oaken desk. He had retrieved it from the Police Station during a dull moment in the Games. He opens the folder and observes the case file for Chocobo's murder. It contains photos from the scene of the crime, and information on Tolvan, Easy, and Chocobo. Stealthy is surprised the files had survived this long, given the end of Urealms and implosion of Geek2. Files like this usually don't make it this long unless placed under special care.
Such a pity the case file mentions Stealthy directly.
Stealthy tosses the entire folder in his fireplace and makes sure it burns entirely. He then takes a trip to his lab, and the secret lab within that lab.
Stealthy turns on the lights and sits down on a swivel chair.
Various tubes flow into a single large glass container, which Stealthy observes.
An unconscious figure floats in this container, various medical fluids rapidly healing his wounds.
"Now," muses Stealthy, observing Clone Easy in the container. "What do I do with you?"
END
I genuinely lost my shit at this part. Thank you, TC.
I'd read a Firedemon spy thriller.
I hate Stealthy's guts, but if there's anything I hate more it's being afraid to damn the cloned bodies of yourself and others to lethal and savage combat.
Agreed, it was damn funny.
And look at that, goddamn Stealthy with some fucking scheme again. Of course. Makes me wanna counterscheme his rude ass, but I don't have the patience.
That's a wrap folks. It's been a ton of fun writing this, especially the past few days as that's basically all I've been doing. Unemployment is great like that.
This started off as a parody side project based off of a cool experiment Jeroth was running, and it morphed into something grander than I ever could have guessed. The word count for this series is just under 40,000 words - which is literally novel length. That's more than 10,000 words longer than "Animal Farm" or "Of Mice and Men" and about as long as "The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe".
If you've read this series from when it started in May to now, you've read an actual book's worth of forum lore. I barely ever read a Facebook post if it's more than two lines. The fact that several people (and not just the long-term surviving tributes) read this all the way makes me very grateful and kinda proud.
I've never really aspired to be a writer but dang it, you guys and your quirks and our stupid jokes are really interesting. You all have great potential for meaningful stories.
In particular, I'd like to thank @Easy for allowing me to write a book that's basically just about him having daddy issues, with some other plot on the side.
But hey, the RNG decided you - of course you, of all people - would win the Games. So maybe daddy issues balance out the victory a bit.
Also special thanks to @Jeroth and @Requiem, the former of which I owe this entire series to. Both these dorks helped me refine some of my overarching plot stuff and the Mach Games wouldn't have been the same without them. Then again, they encouraged the bits from the Megas, so if you didn't like the musical, you can at least partially blame them.
Also also thanks to @RECONmaster for continuing to host this clusterfun we call home. Oh, look at that! You were tagged for something besides Prince dying!
I don't plan on following up this series with a Mach Games sequel or anything, as interesting as that would be (I'd love to see what Team Dash, 13th, Zapy, and Chickenspleen would do in such an environment). But before too long I'll pick up one of the CYOAs I was doing.
If you have any comments or questions about the Mach Games, now would be the time to ask them. I'll be spending the next half hour or so copypasting the whole thing into a MS Word doc and organizing that.
Thank you all again.
This started off as a parody side project based off of a cool experiment Jeroth was running, and it morphed into something grander than I ever could have guessed. The word count for this series is just under 40,000 words - which is literally novel length. That's more than 10,000 words longer than "Animal Farm" or "Of Mice and Men" and about as long as "The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe".
If you've read this series from when it started in May to now, you've read an actual book's worth of forum lore. I barely ever read a Facebook post if it's more than two lines. The fact that several people (and not just the long-term surviving tributes) read this all the way makes me very grateful and kinda proud.
I've never really aspired to be a writer but dang it, you guys and your quirks and our stupid jokes are really interesting. You all have great potential for meaningful stories.
In particular, I'd like to thank @Easy for allowing me to write a book that's basically just about him having daddy issues, with some other plot on the side.
But hey, the RNG decided you - of course you, of all people - would win the Games. So maybe daddy issues balance out the victory a bit.
Also special thanks to @Jeroth and @Requiem, the former of which I owe this entire series to. Both these dorks helped me refine some of my overarching plot stuff and the Mach Games wouldn't have been the same without them. Then again, they encouraged the bits from the Megas, so if you didn't like the musical, you can at least partially blame them.
Also also thanks to @RECONmaster for continuing to host this clusterfun we call home. Oh, look at that! You were tagged for something besides Prince dying!
I don't plan on following up this series with a Mach Games sequel or anything, as interesting as that would be (I'd love to see what Team Dash, 13th, Zapy, and Chickenspleen would do in such an environment). But before too long I'll pick up one of the CYOAs I was doing.
If you have any comments or questions about the Mach Games, now would be the time to ask them. I'll be spending the next half hour or so copypasting the whole thing into a MS Word doc and organizing that.
Thank you all again.
I've been planning on that joke for actual months, I'm glad you guys liked it.
Like, many things were decided spur of the moment. But that joke was written in early summer.
I wanted to leave that deliberately open-ended. I'd like to think that the forum slowly learns what actually happened.
Then again, Firedemon trying to convince everyone of what actually happened would just make him look crazy to everyone. So maybe that's why Stealthy let it slide, for the evulz. Or perhaps it was genuine oversight on his part.
I'm interested in seeing where people take that.
I really really took some liberties in terms of everybody's likely beliefs and actions. But I figured I could get away with a happy feels-y ending - only on account of Stealthy ruining it all anyways.
I can confirm without a doubt that I didn't encourage the Megas. I was discovering them for the first time reading it. During the podcast that fucked up: @Requiem & @Colonel Thunder were talking about them. On the flip side, @Requiem had the genius idea behind how @Dragonruby got us to kill one another.
Boo.
What scene was your favorite when it came to writing it?
What character was your favorite to write and develop?
And as far as comments go: Thank you very much for taking this dopey little project of mine that was originally met with disappointment and turning into, quite literally, an epic. It's been a long and wild ride and I'm glad that I finally got to see it written out.
Seriously though, the RNG gave us a great finale.
Also, an absurd number of hatchets..
I want to give a good answer to these so I'mma wait until I finish coasting through the series.
Oh man there's no way I can decide on my favorite scene to write. Zooming past them again makes it even harder.
Rondait falling through the ice and drowning, Tim stabbing himself to death, Danny going full Blood Moon, FD stealing everyone's shit and dying happy for it, Req and Jeroth forging an alliance through song, Dunsparce opening up to Recon only to be misunderstood and murdered, Shizno eating literally all the food at the cornucopia, along with Rondait shooting Coolpool and the role that candy would have in killing Req and Jeroth are among my favorite comedic bits.
As with Shadow's Reign, I didn't intend for the series to get serious but it happened anyways. TC's murder by Req and Jeroth not only cemented them as good antagonists, but also got surprisingly feels-y reactions, so I'm proud of that. In terms of my favorite tragic moment, its got to go to Easy trying to strike Tolvan with his back turned, only to realize he's no longer worthy to lift the hammer. Obviously he got over it within a few pages, but I'm pretty sure it's the lowest point Easy has ever been written.
I always imagine the writing playing out in my mind's eye, and so in terms of action the final duel between Easy vs Tolvan and Druby vs Coolpool is a favorite. They were both very cartoony, but I love the idea of the audience's point of view bouncing back and forth between two epic battles composed mostly of underdogs.
Tirin and Easy are always a blast to write for, but my personal favorites this time around were Coolpool, Lotus, and Shizno.
Coolpool is a bit of a blank slate in forum lore, and so turning him into a baby-faced, cold-blooded killer was a lot of fun. He had a lot in common with Druby in terms of them being clumsy non-Vets near the bottom of the social ladder. And they both overcame their inadequacy, but became very different people as a result.
Lotus is brand spanking new to the forum (and hopefully still around, @Lotus give a shout) and was killed early, but writing him was interesting. Lotus made a quick impact on our community and I wanted to translate that into the Games. He strikes me as kind of a younger, less refined Stealthy. And good lord do I love writing for that magnificent bastard.
(It was kind of hard writing for Stealthy this time around in that the RNG only ever made him lose. Making him aware of the true nature of the games, and thusly passively suicidal, was the only way I could justify his character's actions. So of course I gave Stealthy a big role in the epilogue, since I like having him eternally one step ahead of the game.)
Shizno was an absolute breakout character. When I was trying to keep track of over 20 character arcs and locations, I figured I'd just save myself some mental energy and stick Shizno by a wall where he'd just be lazy for the entire Games. After all, that's what the real Shizno would do. Lazy writing for a lazy character. But before long, Shizno was almost everyone's favorite and he was the one I put the least thought into. Even though the RNG demanded his death by Req, I wanted to give him at least a partial victory by not only becoming a bit of a bad-ass, but getting to eat all of the food in the arena.
In terms of development, I really like how Druby/Coolpool became reflections of each other. Originally Druby was going to be much more antagonistic (he has 7 kills according to the RNG) but I didn't want all the underdogs to have evil in their hearts.
Tolvan and Easy were my favorite to develop, and most of it happened by accident.
Tolvan had no forum lore backing him up and for whatever reason I wanted to make him a sweet, naive badass who doesn't realize his own power.
According to the RNG, Easy does almost nothing of interest after Day 1, until the showdown with Tolvan on the final day. Seriously, all the RNGs are like "Easy fishes, Easy injures himself, Easy starts a campfire". I was like, shit, I guess I'll just give Easy a ton of flashbacks or something, because the RNG demands he does nothing important (It's worth noting that Coolpool is literally the only person that Easy kills in the entire Games. Thanks RNG.)
While I was trying to juggle Tolvan being a hidden badass and Easy just daydreaming all day is when I started getting way into The Megas. And I thought, hey, how about I steal some plot from that. Two powerful sons - one much more naive than the other - duking it out under the shadow of massive daddy issues. It's not like our community doesn't have a history of drama anyways. The final three songs in History Repeating: Red were just more fuel to the fire, and the more I listened to them the more I thought "Yep, that's the end of this series. That's how I want Tolvan vs Easy to go down."
...alright, I begrudgingly accepted the canon ending.
I still like mine more, though. RIP Chocobo.
These all kind of blend together.
I wish I did more with Req than have him be a big 'ol gaybie. He didn't have much character development aside from being clingy and sometimes existential.
I also wish I would have given Ibix, Rondait, and the other day one casualties a bit of screentime. All the day one kills with only one or two exceptions got no development.
I never did much of interest with Bob either, and for all his plot relevance, Tolvan mostly just sat around and did nothing for three whole days.
When I started writing the series it was in direct response to the results Jeroth posted, so there was no real thought in it. The first large entry is mostly just one-liners making fun of each forumer's quirk. I don't regret those, but I would have liked to have made that opening scene about a dozen different entries of their own, so that every tribute gets at least one full POV post.
I wish I did more with the swordfight between Easy and Tirin. I wouldn't be able to write it as cool as we all imagined it, but it didn't feel like this massive showdown. I think it would have been neat to have the Easy vs Tirin duel mirror the Easy vs Tolvan duel in some ways. When Easy fights Tirin, he's happy an at the top of his game. When Easy fights Tolvan, he's pretty emotionally weary, and near his lowest point. When Easy fights Tirin, Tirin is...well, Tirin. Tolvan is a lot more sympathetic than Tirin, he's not someone we want to get hurt badly.
Consistency in the arena is something that would have helped me out a lot. It would have been neat to draw a map and plot the locations of characters and be able to see when and where they bump into each other. Instead (at least to me) the arena was pretty wonky. All the action happened on a random cliff or in a random clearing or by a random lake. The reader never had the opportunity to put pieces together and figure out who was close to who.
For the most part though, I'm happy with how things went down. The RNG was demanding. Most characters I was writing for weren't blank slates, and so fitting them into a predetermined box was difficult at times without betraying who they were (i.e. Stealthy surrendering to Coolpool, Tolvan beating Easy, etc). Another annoying thing was the RNG putting people in a certain group Day 1, and a different group Day 2, and a different group Day 3. A lot of inconsistency came as a result of that, but I can blame that on the RNG.
If the RNG didn't have me on a leash, I would have loved to stage more group vs group showdowns.
