A Christmas CYOA

[Colonel Thunder]

Coolpool sits on a park bench at night, alone.

"Should I fully embrace my cold, savage, sociopath personality tonight?" Coolpool asks himself. "Or should I do that later? Hmm..."

Coolpool sees Zircom walking through the park.

"Hey Coolpool!" says Zircom. "I've lost my pet, Aspergers! Can you please help me find her?"

--
What does Coolpool do?

-help Zircom find Aspergers
-find Aspergers and kill it
-write a CYOA
-custom

 

[coolpool2]

-help Zircom find Aspergers

 

[Chickenspleen]

Find and kill.

 

[Tirin]

Point to himself and say, "I've got your Asperger's right here, how else could I do this?" and then attempt to murder Zircom.

 

[Requiem]

Point to himself and say, "I've got your Asperger's right here, how else could I do this?" and then attempt to murder Zircom.

 

[coolpool2]

Why would you want to kill him? That's just mean.

 

[Colonel Thunder]

"I'll help you find Aspergers alright," says Coolpool.

Coolpool pulls an ice pick out of nowhere and swings it into a particular portion of Zircom's skull.

Coolpool yanks the ice pick out and a small section of brain and blood come spurting out.

"Coolpool...why?" asks Zircom, stumbling around.

"Do you really want to know?" asks Coolpool.

"I...I don't care," says Zircom in a monotone voice.

Zircom began mucking about, no longer caring about his lost pet, or anything for that matter.

The Aspergers had set in.

Suddenly, Coolpool sees a flashlight searching the area and hears 13th shouting, trying to find something. He seems to be coming towards Coolpool's location.
--
What does Coolpool do?

-run
-try to explain away the situation to 13th
-custom

 

[Steal Thy Kill]

Blame it on the Commies.

 

[Tirin]

Blame it on the Commies.

"Help, somebody just Trotsky'd Zircom! There are Soviets afoot!"

 

[Colonel Thunder]

"Help, somebody just Trotsky'd Zircom! There are Soviets afoot!" shouts Coolpool.

"Egads!" shouts 13th from afar. "Forget that hippopotamus attack! I must prepare our defenses from commie scum! Coolpool, you take care of Zircom!"

13th runs off.

"Do you need any help?" Coolpool asks Zircom.

"I don't care," says Zircom, wandering off.

Coolpool rejoices in his misdeeds and heads home. The rest of the night passes uneventfully.
--
Who do we play as the next morning?

-Lumpy, protesting outside city hall
-Andy, getting coffee at Maretocks' mud hut

 

[Jeroth]

-Lumpy, protesting outside city hall

 

[Tirin]

Lumpy.

 

[Colonel Thunder]

"The Illuminati is putting nanites in our water!" shouts Lumpy through a megaphone outside city hall. "And Tirin is in on it!"

"Lumpy what's going on?" asks Tolvan, passing by.

"The government is putting mind control chips in our toothpaste!" shouts Lumpy. "Wake up, sheeple!"

"But...last week you said it was the media controlling us through toothpaste.." says Tolvan.

"They're the SAME THING!" shouts Lumpy! "Open your eyes! The emperor has no hoes!"

"Lumpy, do you want to fight against corruption?" asks Walrus, passing by.

"That's what I'm doing!" says Lumpy. "I'm defending the common man, and FUCK YOU IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME!"

"Why Lumpy," says Walrus. "Why don't you help me plan my holiday bash? It's paid by Recon, and it could be a great opportunity to unite the community."
----------
What does Lumpy do?

-keep protesting
-plan party with Walrus
-custom

 

[Tirin]

"Open your eyes! The emperor has no hoes!"

This is the part where I'd do the shifty-eyed kobold emote, but we don't have it anymore. Thanks, RECON!

Lumpy should keep protesting, so that the things he says that are true are lost amid the bullshit.

 

[AndyM03]

Lumpy should Keep protesting.

 

[Chickenspleen]

He definitely keeps protesting.

 

[Requiem]

Protest.

 

[Colonel Thunder]

Lumpy keeps protesting and begins wearing an old boot on his head. Walrus shrugs and leaves him be.

Walrus notices Tolvan walking away and catches up with him.

"Tolvan!" smiles Walrus. "How would you like to help me plan my holiday bash?"

"Oh..." says Tolvan. "Actually, I was thinking ab-"

"Great!" says Walrus, grabbing Tolvan's shoulder and walking with him. "We'll be a great team!"

"Um...I guess," says Tolvan.

The two go back to Walrus office, a collection of cardboard boxes outside city hall with drawings of the mayor's office taped to the walls. After shooing a sleeping Req out of the office, the two get to work.

"Hm...what should be the major event?" asks Walrus.
----------------------------------------------------------
What does Tolvan think a good event would be?

-a winter anime convention
-a Christmas themed orgy
-forum nativity scene
-custom

 

[Tirin]

-a Christmas themed orgy

"Ohhh baby, suck on my candy cane"?

Let's... let's just keep to the anime convention, Tolvan's weeb as fuck.

 

[The Hound]

All those options sound like they're basically the same thing.

I'll go with
-Forum Nativity Scene